SSM3 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 (edited) I've been seeing this girl for a few months now. All is good and going well but I have noticed a change with her. Do girls play hard to get or do they get frightened of something early into a relationship??? My new g/f has become a little cold and very quiet with me, for no real reason. I have questioned her about this and she did say that she is protecting herself from being hurt. I have given her the opportunity to end this relationship on a couple of occasions now and this is something which she doesn't want to do. I am just trying to work out this lady.....(women REALLY are hard to understand ) I don't know how she really feels as she keeps her cards close to her chest but I think I am falling for this girl. However, I don't want this to go any further if the feeling isn't mutual (or could ever be mutual) as I don't want to get hurt. Without going into to much details; when we got together we jumped into bed very quickly, and it was amazing, but she has chilled slightly with things in the bedroom. However, she later she admitted that she didn't want this to be about one thing either. Why would she be cold or playing hard to get??? She hasn't really opened up yet so I am not sure what she is thinking. Should I start acting hard to get too?? If you have read my other thread, there is an age gap in our relationship. Edited July 14, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Add thread link
d0nnivain Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Every woman is different but I don't see game playing her. I see fear & some remorse. Because you jumped into bed quickly she probably is terrified you only like her because she slept with you. Can you reassure her that it's more than that, that you like the whole package? 1
Loveable Geek Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Hey there! Yes, this is actually normal behavior from women who have been hurt in the past, especially if you've jumped into the physical aspect soon in your relationship. In an ideal situation, she would have taken the time to heal from old wounds before seeking a new relationship, but as we know, no situation is ever perfect. What I'd do is pull back and take things slow, I.e. Less sex, more communication and fun dates where you get to learn more about each other. She'll open up eventually. I highly do not recommend going cold yourself. She's insecure from a past experience and you doing the cold shoulder will just make her feel worse. Reassure her that you're a nice guy and this relationship is not just.about sex. Cheers! 1
Author SSM3 Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 Every woman is different but I don't see game playing her. I see fear & some remorse. Because you jumped into bed quickly she probably is terrified you only like her because she slept with you. Can you reassure her that it's more than that, that you like the whole package? Thank you, I also think that this is the case too. I can re-assure her yes. But she was as keen as I was at the start
Redhead14 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I've been seeing this girl for a few months now. All is good and going well but I have noticed a change with her. Do girls play hard to get or do they get frightened of something early into a relationship??? My new g/f has become a little cold and very quiet with me, for no real reason. I have questioned her about this and she did say that she is protecting herself from being hurt. I have given her the opportunity to end this relationship on a couple of occasions now and this is something which she doesn't want to do. I am just trying to work out this lady.....(women REALLY are hard to understand ) I don't know how she really feels as she keeps her cards close to her chest but I think I am falling for this girl. However, I don't want this to go any further if the feeling isn't mutual (or could ever be mutual) as I don't want to get hurt. Without going into to much details; when we got together we jumped into bed very quickly, and it was amazing, but she has chilled slightly with things in the bedroom. However, she later she admitted that she didn't want this to be about one thing either. Why would she be cold or playing hard to get??? She hasn't really opened up yet so I am not sure what she is thinking. Should I start acting hard to get too?? If you have read my other thread, there is an age gap in our relationship. First of all, it doesn't matter if women in general do this. What matters is that SHE does this. And in order to figure out what's going on with her as an individual you would have to know a lot about her history on top of being psychic . That being said, analyzing and mind-reading serves no purpose. I get that you don't want to be strung along either. I thinks it's best if you kinda sit back and let things unfold for a little while anyway. Keep showing your interest in her, calling consistently and seeing her. Don't push her. And, don't pull away. Stay in the middle. Have you two had a conversation about what you each are looking for out of your dating experiences? Are you on the same page in terms of long-term goals? If you haven't, that's something you need to get clear about. If you have, has there been any escalation in terms of clarifying the relationship as it is now? Meaning, have you discussed exclusivity. If you haven't she may be hesitant because she's said she doesn't want this to be just about "one" thing. Are you doing enough to show her it's not just about sex for you? It's sounds as if it isn't clear enough to her as to where this is going.
casey.lives Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Every woman is different but I don't see game playing her. I see fear & some remorse. Because you jumped into bed quickly she probably is terrified you only like her because she slept with you. Can you reassure her that it's more than that, that you like the whole package? ... that's certainly how i would feel.. but i'd like to add that she might be trying to pull back to be able to see you with clear lenses. not fogged up sexed up lenses. All the sudden affection may feel confusing.. i alway thought one should act like the are in love.. WHEN THEY ARE IN love.
smackie9 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 She's a 20 year old dating you a 40 year old...of course there is going to be insecurity. Maybe in 10 years she will come around. To the other posters...thread to give you some background:http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/535769-young-girls-generally-quiet-3.html#post6433340
carhill Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Intimacy and emotional entanglement isn't always a linear process. IMO, if the interactions continue to evoke positive feelings, keep showing up.
elaine567 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 (edited) This is not the first post you have posted about the two of you, not having much to talk about and she is withdrawn. If she has gone cold and quiet and things in the bedroom are no longer as good either, I guess she is on her way out. When you question her, I guess she is not yet feeling confident enough to say it out loud, or her decision is not set in stone quite yet. Unless there is a huge problem in her life ie she is ill or worried re her friends or family, or her career, or something that you can put your finger on as a reason for her drawing back, then be prepared for the day she leaves you. Sorry! Edited July 14, 2015 by elaine567
elaine567 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 The other possibility is that after the honeymoon phase, this is the real her, the other one was the more exciting version fuelled possibly with a bit more drink and going out a lot as you got to know each other. She may just be a closed off individual, some people are
oldshirt Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Read what I have in bold below. Some of it will probably go against what Oprah and some of your liberal, feminist professors have told you, but if you search your feelings and look at how the world really works you will see that everything below is 100% on the money. I have questioned her about this and she did say that she is protecting herself from being hurt. I have given her the opportunity to end this relationship on a couple of occasions now OK, read these two sentences above. They are related. Please explain why you have given her the opportunity to end the R a couple times now??? Why have you done that. My theory is that that has instilled some insecurity and suspicion in her (and possibly for just cause) Here's the thing, this may be sexist and it may be unfair, but men lead relationships. Women instinctively want to follow the man's lead and take their cues from men. (this is why women always the classic line, "where are we going with this?") Women have two basic options - they can either follow the man's lead into the relationship. - or they can decline and say no and then go on their merry way. When men show poor leadership and are wishy washy about where they want the relationship to go or they give mixed messages, women get insecure and flighty. I am just trying to work out this lady.....(women REALLY are hard to understand ) read my last 3 paragraphs above and you'll have a much clearer understanding. I don't know how she really feels as she keeps her cards close to her chest but I think I am falling for this girl. Here is another key piece of information for you and it will again sound sexist but do you want to be sane and squared away or do you want to be politically correct. Her "feelings" don't mean $h!t. Women have a thousand different, goofy feelings throughout the day and we'll all just be chasing our tails if we try to live our lives according to women's feelings. What matters here is how devoted to her and your relationship are YOU and where are you wanting to take this relationship? (again, this is all about leadership. What is your goal? and what is your plan to accomplish that goal?) When you are squared away on what your objective is and you have a realistic and doable plan to accomplish it, then she will either accept or decline the mission - but whatever decision she makes, she will no longer be all flighty and insecure and wishy washy and won't be running hot and cold all the time. Does that make sense? However, I don't want this to go any further if the feeling isn't mutual (or could ever be mutual) as I don't want to get hurt. You are being a pussy here. Stop doing that. She is looking for strong leadership. she is looking for a strong, dedicated and competent captain to set the course and run the ship. You being a pussy will sink this ship. It's unfair but you can't try to figure out what her feelings are and then try to accommodate them. You have to state your objectives and your plans for what you want to accomplish and then it is up to her if she signs on with you are not. That does involve an element of risk for you. Either accept the risk and don't be a pussy or end this now until you grow some giblets. You see your risk is whether she will accept your mission or not. Her risk is whether you are an incompetent boob or a pussy or not. If you want success with women, don't be an incompetent boob or a pussy. You are currently thinking and acting like a pussy. Stop doing that. Without going into to much details; when we got together we jumped into bed very quickly, and it was amazing, but she has chilled slightly with things in the bedroom. good news and concerning news here. Good news is she is/was sexually attracted to you. that's good. Concerning news is she is having doubts on where you are wanting to take this relationship and that is causing her to become insecure and that is closing the damper on her sex drive. You have to have a clear message on where you want this R to go. If all you want is some weekly poontang and no other entanglements, you have to clearly state that as well as have a workable plan for how to accomplish it without hurt or drama. She may or may not be down for that. If you want the R to forward into other areas as well, you must be clear on that and have a workable plan for that as well, and again she will either will or won't be down for that. However, she later she admitted that she didn't want this to be about one thing either. She afforded you a glimpse into her objectives. She didn't have to do that and it probably caused a lot of stress and anxiety for her to do that. ...So now you need to take back the wheel of the ship and determine it's course and lay out a plan of how to get there. Why would she be cold or playing hard to get??? I've explained all of that clearly up above. She hasn't really opened up yet so I am not sure what she is thinking. you don't need or even WANT to know what she is thinking. she probably doesn't even like what she is thinking. Again, what she thinks is actually irrelevant. It's what YOU want to do and how you propose to get there that is relevant. Her choice is to follow you or not follow you. quit being a wuss worrying about what she thinks. Does the general worry about what the sargent thinks? To one degree yes, he will draw on the expertise and experience and training of the men under him to determine a plan and be aware of their abilities. But in the end it is up to him to determine the mission and how to accomplish it. You need to do the same thing here. Should I start acting hard to get too?? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chicks play hard to get. If you play hard to get, that makes you her girlfriend not her boyfriend. Men have goals, make plans and show leadership. Chicks play hard to get and make men show them what they are made of before they commit to anything. You need to show her your mettle and show her you can have some balls and leadership. Stop being a pussy and trying to play chick games. It might work if she is a lesbian but it doesn't sound like she is. If you have read my other thread, there is an age gap in our relationship. Doesn't matter. Bottom line is don't act like a chick and don't be a pussy that's afraid of getting hurt. Mother Nature has already made 50% of the population chicks with actual vaginas so she doesn't need any more of those. And Mother Nature never intended for weak, scardy-cat, indecisive males to breed so don't be a pussy. 1
Author SSM3 Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 This is not the first post you have posted about the two of you, not having much to talk about and she is withdrawn. If she has gone cold and quiet and things in the bedroom are no longer as good either, I guess she is on her way out. When you question her, I guess she is not yet feeling confident enough to say it out loud, or her decision is not set in stone quite yet. Unless there is a huge problem in her life ie she is ill or worried re her friends or family, or her career, or something that you can put your finger on as a reason for her drawing back, then be prepared for the day she leaves you. Sorry! Things haven't gone quiet in the bedroom, just less frequent as she stated that she doesn't want this to be about one thing and nor do I. I have given her opportunities to walk away, and she doesn't want this either. I know she has issues back home and frustrations.
Author SSM3 Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 Read what I have in bold below. Some of it will probably go against what Oprah and some of your liberal, feminist professors have told you, but if you search your feelings and look at how the world really works you will see that everything below is 100% on the money. Bottom line is don't act like a chick and don't be a pussy that's afraid of getting hurt. Mother Nature has already made 50% of the population chicks with actual vaginas so she doesn't need any more of those. And Mother Nature never intended for weak, scardy-cat, indecisive males to breed so don't be a pussy. Understood skipper, good advice---thanks
oldshirt Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 If you have read my other thread, there is an age gap in our relationship. OK I looked at your other thread and that is significant difference in not only age but lifestyle and life experience. That doesn't really change anything I said above though. You are still going to need to show leadership through wisdom, competence and confidence. She is definitely going to be looking at you for a master plan and a clear objective in your relationship. she is also going to be looking for maturity and self-assuredness. Even though I haven't read through your other posts, I did see the mention where you called yourself a "young 40." OK there is a 40 that is still healthy and vigorous and still likes to get out of the house and off the couch. But then there is also an immature 40 and there are 40 year olds who's lives are no more organized or squared away than when they were 20. A 40 year old who is squared away and is established in a career and has some education and who manages his/her finances and has a life plan and who takes care of his/her home and isn't addicted to drugs or alcohol or porn etc etc is a proven commodity and that can be very attractive and comforting to a woman in her 20s. But a person in their 40s that is still a man-child and who's life is still in disarray is going to pretty quickly be seen as a trainwreck to be avoided and a 40 year old man-child that has dirty socks hanging from his lampshade and nothing but stale beer and a few slices of sandwich meat in his refridgerator is the very embodiment of a creepy old man. You need to be squared away here if you want this chick to stick around. You at least have to be more squared away and mature than the 20-30 year old that are also going to be gunning for her and they still have abz. 1
elaine567 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I know she has issues back home and frustrations. You say "back home", is there a language or race difference between the two of you too
Author SSM3 Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 You say "back home", is there a language or race difference between the two of you too She lives with her mum at home still
elaine567 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 She lives with her mum at home still OK. Do her parents like you?
smackie9 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 You can't make her into the mature, intellectually stimulating, confident woman you want her to be....not at 20 years old.
Author SSM3 Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 OK. Do her parents like you? Yeah think so, vibe is ok. They were a little cold with things at the start though
Negative Nancy Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 (edited) But a person in their 40s that is still a man-child and who's life is still in disarray is going to pretty quickly be seen as a trainwreck to be avoided and a 40 year old man-child that has dirty socks hanging from his lampshade and nothing but stale beer and a few slices of sandwich meat in his refridgerator is the very embodiment of a creepy old man. :laugh: picturing this right now... :D:D Read what I have in bold below. Some of it will probably go against what Oprah and some of your liberal, feminist professors have told you, but if you search your feelings and look at how the world really works you will see that everything below is 100% on the money. Bottom line is don't act like a chick and don't be a pussy that's afraid of getting hurt. Mother Nature has already made 50% of the population chicks with actual vaginas so she doesn't need any more of those. And Mother Nature never intended for weak, scardy-cat, indecisive males to breed so don't be a pussy. oldshirt is awesome - and right on the money Edited July 15, 2015 by Negative Nancy
empresario Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I've been seeing this girl for a few months now. All is good and going well but I have noticed a change with her. Do girls play hard to get or do they get frightened of something early into a relationship??? My new g/f has become a little cold and very quiet with me, for no real reason. I have questioned her about this and she did say that she is protecting herself from being hurt. I have given her the opportunity to end this relationship on a couple of occasions now and this is something which she doesn't want to do. I am just trying to work out this lady.....(women REALLY are hard to understand ) I don't know how she really feels as she keeps her cards close to her chest but I think I am falling for this girl. However, I don't want this to go any further if the feeling isn't mutual (or could ever be mutual) as I don't want to get hurt. Without going into to much details; when we got together we jumped into bed very quickly, and it was amazing, but she has chilled slightly with things in the bedroom. However, she later she admitted that she didn't want this to be about one thing either. Why would she be cold or playing hard to get??? She hasn't really opened up yet so I am not sure what she is thinking. Should I start acting hard to get too?? If you have read my other thread, there is an age gap in our relationship. I haven't read all the comments so forgive me if this has been mentioned. But as much as I HATE stereotyping I've found one thing almost universally true. Women that date significantly older men (1/2 age + 7 rule) have severe daddy issues. Sometimes neglect. Sometimes abuse. Be very careful. This comes with a lot of baggage you may not be ready to take on. Look past the flawless skin and youthful energy.
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