Inflikted Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Years ago, I fell very hard for a girl I worked with, which is significant for me, because I'm socially inept, I never date, I never even have a social life, nor am I ever attracted to anyone. But she rejected me, and I let my emotions get the better of me and completely ruin things between us. She pretty much hated me when all was said and done. I was still kinda bummed when she left for a better job, because I liked her so much, but at the same time, I felt relief, because being around her at all just made me think about what an idiot I am, what a garbage human being I am. Anyway, the place I'm working is closing down in a couple months, so not only am I dealing with uncertain employment in the near future, but I just found out that this girl is coming back to help out for an unknown period of time. And that has me feeling completely shaken up. I don't want to see her again, I don't want to be anywhere near her. I guess it would only be a couple of months at most, but even that is enough to break me. I don't understand why the universe sees fit to throw this at me again. Just... why? Why is this something I have to deal with all over again?
d0nnivain Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Simply try to be civil & professional around her. It's all you can do. Hold you head up. Do your job. Meanwhile work furiously trying to get a new job & start planning now for how you will function between jobs.
Author Inflikted Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 Simply try to be civil & professional around her. It's all you can do. Hold you head up. Do your job. Yeah. :/ I mean, I'm not particularly worried about how SHE will act towards me, or anything like that; I doubt she wants to be around me any more than I want to be around her, but the big difference is, she's moved on with her life, she's much better off than I am, and it's probably nothing she gives much thought to. Meanwhile, I have NOT moved on with my life, I'm still a complete loser, and I have a lot to be embarrassed and ashamed about from that whole situation. In other words, like I said, I don't expect her to give me grief or anything, but I will absolutely give myself grief (and LOTS of it) any time I'm in her presence.
d0nnivain Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 You are not a loser. You are human. You risked & unfortunately it didn't have a happy ending. Do you want to change your self perception? If so what are you doing to accomplish that?
Author Inflikted Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 You are not a loser. You are human. You risked & unfortunately it didn't have a happy ending. Do you want to change your self perception? If so what are you doing to accomplish that? It was so much more worse than that, though. Instead of getting rejected, and being an adult and not making things weird, I was overwhelmed with emotions, and I let them get totally out of hand. I was sad, but I also became very clingy towards her after the fact (because I liked her and wanted to continue being friends with her, but I became desperate to hold onto that), and she naturally started pulling away from me. Then, I made the mistake of confiding in other coworkers (which I knew was a horrible idea, but I felt like I needed people to talk to about stuff, and I had absolutely no one else), and these coworkers then made a big fuss to her, and put it into her head that I was stalking her and was potentially dangerous (I wasn't, but I totally get why it seemed that way). It got to a point where she even complained to management about me, and though management never actually talked to me about it and she never pursued it beyond that, I basically sexually harassed her. And the worst part is, I absolutely believe I'd make the same horrible choices and be the same idiot, if I were in the situation again. I don't mean with her specifically, but I mean if I ever have feelings for someone again. That's just how I am. I'm a creep that can't handle rejection, that can't deal with the emotions of it, a creep that will sexually harass someone I have feelings for without even realizing it. That DOES make me a pretty garbage human being. If I were her (or any other girl that wins my attention), I'd think I was a total creep and not want to be around me, either.
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