madgirl1991 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Its fairly serious with my lovely white boyfriend. We lived together for 1 year and have been dating a little longer. He has put a deposit on a ring. I was basically kicked out of my home (in a nice way) by my parents after we went on a holiday together, and he let me move in with him...never left haha. I always thought, this is great! I had dated a lot of white men before (grew up in oz, never had chance to get to know my own race although a few times I remember thinking years ago...some i met at a party or whatever were attractive but they didn't live in my city). However, after starting a new job, I've encountered this boy I found attractiv when I was 16 (he didn't go to my school but i knew of him through church). We never spoke but i'd admired him from far...I remembered him and then when he introduced himself (he was new to the company as well) I explained that I had seen him around and since then he is really nice to me but knows I am taken and I'm not sure about him~ I am increaisngly attracted to him. Not that I think I would end up dating him, but it makes me wonder...how many other great guys like him have a missed out on because I was always thinking I was only attracted to white guys? Should I stay with my boyfriend or go and explore? I am not sure if it would be worth it since: a) I have always had difficulty dating and getting guys to commit. I'm 24 now and dont look as good as 2-3 years ago either.. b) I have always been a loner...aside form one or two friends..loners also..so I could only meet a guy online c) my race guys generally have large networks of people in our race, so they would never need to go online..they just find a girl in their network
casey.lives Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 why would you be think like this in a happy relationship??? when you're in a relationship, you will always be attracted to others but you don't entertain the attraction. and as we grow up, we see things "better".. haha 1
elaine567 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Staying with someone and marrying them, just because you are not sure if you can find anyone else at 24 yo is madness. If you have never been with anyone of your own race and are now noticing them, AND finding them attractive then I think you are always going to have that desire for men from your own race festering away in you - not a good start for any marriage. YOU admit your growing attraction for your co worker* and you have already considered him as dating material. Where will that lead? This relationship you have with your fiancé was based partly on necessity (as your parents (nicely)kicked you out) and not as a talked through, goals identified, natural progression into a serious relationship - I am not saying that the impulsive living together thing never works, but the fact you are now looking around at other men, is not a good indicator that this relationship is founded on solid ground. I just do not think you are ready to settle down and lovely though your bf is, I think the whole buying a ring and and getting married is not what you in your heart of hearts really want to do - not yet in your life anyway. Your bf is ready to take that step, you clearly aren't. Do not be railroaded into marriage, it is a huge commitment and so many who marry young (and 24 IS young) regret it. *If your co worker does decide he wants to date you at some point, then have the good grace to let your fiancé go, DO NOT cheat on him. Cheating causes so much heart ache and trust issues going forward. if you do not want to be with your fiancé and you want to explore pastures new, then tell him and let him move on cleanly and not with a whole lot of "my fiancée cheated on me" baggage.
candie13 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 hum... you either settle or go for the unknown. the unknown is hard for everyone, settling is... well... settling . in my experience, if you weren't with one foot outside the RS already, you wouldn't be asking. 1
Fleur de cactus Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 You need couple of more yeas to understand what is love. You need to grow up. You are lost in comparing races. First of all what is you race? You sound like you are attracted to race and not to a person? This is not serious. Stop comparing races, not sure what you think you are missing, and hope to find in your race? 1
still_an_Angel Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Don't marry your white bf, the fact that someone else has turned your head indicates that you are not fully committed to your relationship. Give yourself a chance to explore and pursue the other guy if you wish but going into a marriage while thinking of dating another is not the way to start a union. Good luck. 1
Author madgirl1991 Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 Just to clarify. ..it'd not just the appearance of this other race..it's actually the fact we share the same heritage, upbringing etc. For example in my culture everyone is very close to siblings and extended family and will go out of their way for them. My white bad have never been close to their family. They siblings won't go out of way for us either...it feels like they are not family but acquaintances. . If I dated someone my race...This would be less likely to occur...
elaine567 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Just to clarify. ..it'd not just the appearance of this other race..it's actually the fact we share the same heritage, upbringing etc. For example in my culture everyone is very close to siblings and extended family and will go out of their way for them. My white bad have never been close to their family. They siblings won't go out of way for us either...it feels like they are not family but acquaintances. . If I dated someone my race...This would be less likely to occur... Yes, culture is very important. YOU actually know what you need to do here.
Keenly Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 You can do whatever you'd like but one choice is going to make you homeless. You think you're boyfriend will let you live with him while you pursue other guys? Hell no. 2
elaine567 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 You can do whatever you'd like but one choice is going to make you homeless. You think you're boyfriend will let you live with him while you pursue other guys? Hell no. Her parents kicked her out "in a nice way", they will most probably let her return.
Keenly Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Her parents kicked her out "in a nice way", they will most probably let her return. Kicked out usually means what it says. Kicked out. As in leave now. They might have added a please.
jen1447 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 ...and what race would that be? Is this a secret or sth? We know all about the white BF.
stillafool Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Just to clarify. ..it'd not just the appearance of this other race..it's actually the fact we share the same heritage, upbringing etc. For example in my culture everyone is very close to siblings and extended family and will go out of their way for them. My white bad have never been close to their family. They siblings won't go out of way for us either...it feels like they are not family but acquaintances. . If I dated someone my race...This would be less likely to occur... People of all races have very close families. It has nothing to do with race. If you are attracted to this guy of your race just to have a close family, don't count on it. You have to make your own family and be close.
Jonp219 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I'm Dominican/Cuban and my ex was Dominican too. In a way it matters in a way it doesn't. Being of the same heritage doesn't matter when you're so Americanized. I thought was first girlfriend was white when I met her, but turned out to be Puerto Rican. And I wasn't raised like most Dominicans my mom is very unorthodox Dominican woman. She rather talk things through than throw a sandal at your head. Point is just because you're from the same culture the upbringings can be rather different. And you're not going to realize it till you spend a few months with this person.
SycamoreCircle Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 There's only one solution: change your race. Rachel did it, so can you!
S_A Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 ...and what race would that be? I know Jewish isn't technically a race, but I am thinking Jewish or Korean due to the network comment. They both network very well within their race.
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