Dreamworld Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 So the second time I went to his place we ended up having sex three times over three days. He isn't small at all, actually pretty big!! Is it normal that he doesn't stay hard for very long? He goes semi hard when we make out, but when he puts the condom on he will lose it pretty quickly.... He needs touch to stay hard. He doesn't lose it when he is inside me though. The fourth time we tried to have sex failed cos he couldn't maintain an erection long enough to go inside me. So we just ended up making out for 3 hours instead. He has no medical issues. Are you ok with this? You must be a lot more confident than I am because I had this experience with a guy and I couldn't take it anymore after the seventh try. Yes I actually left a person because of this. It was making me really frustrated and making me feel bad. And I dont think I would have the patience for 3-4 hour foreplay without anything more. He has something going on though. I will get off the porn soap box so putting that aside, trying to get as much as I can from your posts, he could have: 1. A lot of performance anxiety ( he is trying so hard to do well he is pressuring himself so cant just lose himself fo enjoy it) that is taking him some time to get over. You said he was single for awhile right? That could make it worse. 2. he is lacking in stamina ( i have heard there are guys who just cant keep up the physical exertion of sex and so if his whole body goes into overdrive trying to keep up, it affects his ability to finish, I.e he is in really bad physical shape) 3. Alcohol and smoking, which also affects no. 2 - but I think this would have to be in excess. But from your post I think it is more psychological than physical. I could be wrong though. And I dont think his age should be giving him physical problems yet unless he is just in really bad shape.
Dreamworld Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Of course 38 isnt 25 so there is definitely a bit of a difference but I dont think he should be having this much trouble.
Qboro90 Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Should I be concerned we made out for 4 hours and I didnt feel anything? Most guys need more than just kissing to get hard.... Especially if you've been kissing for 4 hours!! One of you has to make a move to the next step.
Author Peanutbutterjelly124 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 Are you ok with this? You must be a lot more confident than I am because I had this experience with a guy and I couldn't take it anymore after the seventh try. Yes I actually left a person because of this. It was making me really frustrated and making me feel bad. And I dont think I would have the patience for 3-4 hour foreplay without anything more. He has something going on though. I will get off the porn soap box so putting that aside, trying to get as much as I can from your posts, he could have: 1. A lot of performance anxiety ( he is trying so hard to do well he is pressuring himself so cant just lose himself fo enjoy it) that is taking him some time to get over. You said he was single for awhile right? That could make it worse. 2. he is lacking in stamina ( i have heard there are guys who just cant keep up the physical exertion of sex and so if his whole body goes into overdrive trying to keep up, it affects his ability to finish, I.e he is in really bad physical shape) 3. Alcohol and smoking, which also affects no. 2 - but I think this would have to be in excess. But from your post I think it is more psychological than physical. I could be wrong though. And I dont think his age should be giving him physical problems yet unless he is just in really bad shape. He doesn't drink to excess. He doesn't smoke. He is slim, fit and healthy with no medical problems. He exercises frequently too and is in generally good shape. I heard that physical causes of ED is quite rare in under 40s. Do you think it's a psychological pressure thing? I hope so... He was really sorry about it but I reassured him it was fine.
katiegrl Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 He doesn't drink to excess. He doesn't smoke. He is slim, fit and healthy with no medical problems. He exercises frequently too and is in generally good shape. I heard that physical causes of ED is quite rare in under 40s. Do you think it's a psychological pressure thing? I hope so... He was really sorry about it but I reassured him it was fine. Maybe it's just nerves......he is just so into you, he doesn't know which way is up! Literally.. pun intended! I have heard of that happening with some guys.....during the beginning stages with a woman he is REALLY into... In time as he gets more comfortable emotionally ...it goes away. The way you have been responding to him is perfect!!!! Understanding.... no pressure.....
MidwestUSA Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 I sure understand now why guys have performance anxiety! My god, nearly 33% of men over forty have some degree of ED. This guy is pushing 40. So far, I see one instance of him not getting it up on the fourth of four occasions of a three day romp. There's the alcohol, there's the excitement yet anxiety about a new partner. There's condoms. A lot of guys soften when you have to interrupt to do the not so romantic deed of rolling that thing on. And she says he stays hard the entire time he's inside her. To me, THAT'S what counts! Do you want the 25 year old who doesn't give a hoot about foreplay? Or do you want the guy who's learned what really gets women off? I'll take the kissing and the foreplay, as long as he functions pretty normally *most* of the time. You girls would cringe at my stories of sex in my forties, you really would! 1
lgspot Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Some of us guys would love to hear a few of those stories Midwest. I sure understand now why guys have performance anxiety! My god, nearly 33% of men over forty have some degree of ED. This guy is pushing 40. So far, I see one instance of him not getting it up on the fourth of four occasions of a three day romp. There's the alcohol, there's the excitement yet anxiety about a new partner. There's condoms. A lot of guys soften when you have to interrupt to do the not so romantic deed of rolling that thing on. And she says he stays hard the entire time he's inside her. To me, THAT'S what counts! Do you want the 25 year old who doesn't give a hoot about foreplay? Or do you want the guy who's learned what really gets women off? I'll take the kissing and the foreplay, as long as he functions pretty normally *most* of the time. You girls would cringe at my stories of sex in my forties, you really would! 2
MidwestUSA Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Some of us guys would love to hear a few of those stories Midwest. I'm afraid it would require an entire new subforum. Boy, I knew how to pick 'em! 1
lgspot Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Guess I'll have to wait for the movie. I'm afraid it would require an entire new subforum. Boy, I knew how to pick 'em!
MidwestUSA Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Guess I'll have to wait for the movie. I can see the ad: Limp Dicks only need audition. Sorry, OP. We're hijacking. You're doing well, I promise you. Keep it up, I mean, er, um, keep having a good time! 1
Author Peanutbutterjelly124 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 I can see the ad: Limp Dicks only need audition. Sorry, OP. We're hijacking. You're doing well, I promise you. Keep it up, I mean, er, um, keep having a good time! Haha I would also love to hear some of your stories Midwest! 1
Versacehottie Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 He doesn't drink to excess. He doesn't smoke. He is slim, fit and healthy with no medical problems. He exercises frequently too and is in generally good shape. I heard that physical causes of ED is quite rare in under 40s. Do you think it's a psychological pressure thing? I hope so... He was really sorry about it but I reassured him it was fine. Did I misread? I thought you said he drinks a bottle of wine? I think that qualifies as a lot, especially if it's a regular thing for him. 1
MidwestUSA Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Did I misread? I thought you said he drinks a bottle of wine? I think that qualifies as a lot, especially if it's a regular thing for him. I think she meant during that three day date (well, maybe all at once tho). Even so, that's not a lot if he doesn't do it regularly. Spoken like a true alcoholic. 1
Author Peanutbutterjelly124 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 I think she meant during that three day date (well, maybe all at once tho). Even so, that's not a lot if he doesn't do it regularly. Spoken like a true alcoholic. He drank nearly the whole bottle. Probably 4 half glasses...
Versacehottie Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 He drank nearly the whole bottle. Probably 4 half glasses... I think a bottle of wine counts as four "full glasses" of wine, even though a glass of wine is only filled halfway. I think it would affect performance. When you say "he drinks a bit", do you mean regularly 3-4 drinks? I think if you had a tendency toward ED things that could tip you over the edge. Also just interesting that it was something you noted. Sometimes people hide their drinking if he's at the point in life where it's not as socially acceptable to get drunk. I'm def not the prohibition police but maybe it's the source of his "issues". 1
Versacehottie Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 I think she meant during that three day date (well, maybe all at once tho). Even so, that's not a lot if he doesn't do it regularly. Spoken like a true alcoholic. The only thing that's weird is that it's not a lot, a lot provided you were in the right setting. He's essentially on 2nd/3rd date with her and the previous one he's had ED issues. I would think he would be more cognizant on a)how he would be being perceived by her--wouldn't want to look like he can't control himself b)wouldn't want a repeat of what happened (or rather didn't) the first time and imagining at 38 who drinks regularly already knows what does and doesn't work for him. Makes me wonder if he can really control his drinking or if it is the source of his problems? just something to keep your eyes open for, OP
MidwestUSA Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 The only thing that's weird is that it's not a lot, a lot provided you were in the right setting. He's essentially on 2nd/3rd date with her and the previous one he's had ED issues. I would think he would be more cognizant on a)how he would be being perceived by her--wouldn't want to look like he can't control himself b)wouldn't want a repeat of what happened (or rather didn't) the first time and imagining at 38 who drinks regularly already knows what does and doesn't work for him. Makes me wonder if he can really control his drinking or if it is the source of his problems? just something to keep your eyes open for, OP But it wasn't their 2nd or 3rd date. It was their 2nd sexual encounter. I've known many a person to overindulge because they're very nervous about it. It took him seven dates to kiss her. It probably was a bit nerve wracking to get naked!
Versacehottie Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 But it wasn't their 2nd or 3rd date. It was their 2nd sexual encounter. I've known many a person to overindulge because they're very nervous about it. It took him seven dates to kiss her. It probably was a bit nerve wracking to get naked! True it's very possible. Right and I forgot about the 7 dates til kiss 1
Author Peanutbutterjelly124 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 (edited) But it wasn't their 2nd or 3rd date. It was their 2nd sexual encounter. I've known many a person to overindulge because they're very nervous about it. It took him seven dates to kiss her. It probably was a bit nerve wracking to get naked! He said he wanted to drink to relax and get in the mood. I noticed that he drinks because when he is at my place he will ask if I have any wine. And if he socialises outside he always mentions that he had a few drinks. I think he used to hang out in a social circle where drinking is the norm. I know he doesnt drink alcohol at home though. Yeah he is a pretty slow moving guy, he said he wanted to be sure of his feelings before he kissed me. Things have been moving pretty quickly since then... Edited July 18, 2015 by Peanutbutterjelly124
babycakees Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 I dated a guy once who would lose their erection while we were going at it. He also consumed a lot of alcohol... on a daily basis. I would actually say he was probably an alcoholic. This didn't have all the time but it sure seemed to happen more often when he had drank a lot that day. He would try to say that it's never happened before... which in turn made me feel "wonderful" about myself. So yes... The alcohol could be to blame!
VengeanceGuidesMe Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 sorry, lots of responses. I didn't read it all, but I wouldn't be so concerned. Making out isn't all that exciting in terms of sexual contact. Yes, it's great to get things started, but I don't keep a 4 hour erection from kissing. I'll probably get ragingly hard at first, but it will go to a 1/2 hard state for a while. And maybe he's just not hung like a horse, how do you know he wasn't hard? Did you reach in and feel a flaccid dick? He could have had it pushed down his underwear leg, and it got hard, but you just didn't notice it. Maybe he's only 4-5 inches hard and that also may not be able to feel so easily. Sometimes things are on my mind and I'm not all that horny at the moment. Maybe he smokes.. is he a smoker? Smokers have a hard time getting erect. A lot of time, a smoker needs direct dick stimulation to get hard. And whiskey dick is a real thing. Sometimes, I can go for a long time while drunk and it's great and everything was fantastic. Other times, a single whiskey can numb me. I don't know what causes this.
jen1447 Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 I wouldn't be too worried about a miss on round 4 after 3 good rounds, even spread out over 3 days.
DaisyBug Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Yeah he is a pretty slow moving guy, he said he wanted to be sure of his feelings before he kissed me. Aww! The best type of guy. I hope things continue to go well!
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