Nina1995 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I feel ridiculous, I just want to be enough and see myself as good enough. One of the first things that my current boyfriend said to me was that I was enough for him. I know I'm not and because I'm not and never have been for anyone I can only put it down to one thing. The way I look. No one has ever put me down for my personality and my "friends" used to say at least you know when a guy falls in love with you its for your personality and not the size of your breasts. That didn't really help, it enforced my own ugly image of myself. I want to be enough and I know I never will be for anyone until I'm no longer ugly. This is a poisonous perception of myself and damaging to any prospect of a relationship I might have. I guess I just hope that someone might understand how I feel?
StalwartMind Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Well I know someone who would tell you otherwise, but that may not mean a lot to you. I've only picked friends and partners, due to their personality, looks tell me little about about person and if I will love their company. Looks fade with time anyway, but I do know that the vast majority of people need to be visually attracted to their partner before they can appreciate someone. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, but you do potentially exclude many "beautiful" people from your life if you let looks rule it. I don't know how you look and to be honest, it doesn't matter much to me either, because I can tell you this, there are people, both men and women, who will never be able to be with someone, if they don't have a "connection" with the other person, including myself. I don't care how "physically beautiful" someone is perceived by the standards of society, if the person has a terrible personality I lost my interest instantly. The great thing about people, is you can typically figure out fast how honest most are, and what they value. Maybe this is more in the romantic mindset but someone with a beautiful mind and warm heart will make you feel beautiful too. Don't compare yourself to others, someone will notice your right qualities, it can take time, but even if we are in the minority there are many out there who feels similar and yep, some of them are indeed also considered very physically attractive, if that still should play a part of your own preferences. Honesty really rocks especially if combined with an open mind that isn't clouded by "ideals" set by society. I don't know what reading this meant to you, but do believe that there are people who feel the same. I know and have met a few myself.
casey.lives Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 we're all imperfect. God is the only one who can be enough to fill the soul up. don't let b.s bother you.
Rewan Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 If I may be completely honest with you, when I read your post, I kind of felt strange being on the other side of saying/writing such words.. :S I know exactly how you feel because I have been through those exact feelings myself. I only hope that you won't need to go through what I had to go through- finding a psychologist, and then another psychologist when the first stopped listening and became unprofessional..only to run out of money and no longer be able to go. So I'm going to share with you some things I had learned during my time on the couch talking.. If you want someone to recognize you as enough for them, then you're doomed from the start. Self-assurance such as this comes from within. It has to grow naturally, and even if it does not grow within you right now, it can. You need only try and keep at it.. There are a number of self-assurance exercises that may be done (as linked below), or there is an anxiety exercise known as EFT Tapping which may also be used for self-assurance. However, my best advice would be to see a psychologist rather than trying to go this alone. The choice is yours, but sometimes it helps to get your thoughts out in the open with a professional that can offer more insight into your problems and challenge you to work at them. Regardless of what you do, however, it has to be for you. In this situation, you have to come first and put your relationship second. If you do this for your boyfriend or for the relationship, if things go wrong between the two of you, it makes it that much more difficult to work out.. Right now, your feelings of inadequacy are likely putting tremendous pressure on your ties to your boyfriend because (and I'm not trying to accuse you or suggest that you are at blame) your self-worth depends on how he sees you and how others see you.. I'm not trying to be harsh here because I know how troubling it is to be in this predicament, but by placing your worth on the shoulders of others, you're unknowingly creating an expectation of perception.. This, in turn, makes it difficult, as well, because if it does not come from within, you're less likely to believe it, which puts even further strain on those around you.. That was how my second psychologist had explained it to me, at least, and I believe that he was right.. Again, I'm sorry if this is too harsh to read, but I'm hoping that it helps to try to see the bigger picture.. :S If you truly want to change and not have such feelings affect you in the long run, regardless of who you're with or what you do, then I suggest you seek help from a psychologist. I'd recommend going to one rather than a psychiatrist, at least, because psychiatrists prescribe medications and I feel you need the help of someone that will be a bit more challenging. :S If you do go, psychology, unlike most sciences, I feel is kind of an art form..so if you try one and it doesn't work, maybe try another to see if their technique works better with you. I hope this has helped a little. :S Sorry I can't provide more. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201404/build-your-self-esteem-these-3-simple-exercises https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-matters-most/201212/7-new-exercises-boost-happiness
kendahke Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 (edited) Why do you feel that you're so ugly that no one will accept you for who you are? You are enough. Just as you are today. When you accept yourself for how you are as you are, the rest will come. Your friend actually paid you a compliment---I'm quite sure it's far more painful to be loved for a physical attribute that can be taken away or wears away and not be loved for who you are. If you had large breasts and were loved only for that, what happens if they sag due to nurturing babies or they turn on you and you have to get a mastectomy? Will the person who loved you for big boobs be there when they have to cut one or both of them up or off in order to save your life? The fear of losing that person's love over something you can't control would have to be a daily torment. What you should undertake is work on your self perception, self image and self esteem and it may require a therapist to help you navigate the minefield of self loathing that you seem to find yourself in. Looks fade; unless you are blessed with a particular DNA structure that holds together your looks and your body no matter what, all of us at some point in time, must develop the self and be at peace with who we were born to which gave us our genetic make up--that is unless you've got a bottomless pool of money and can afford plastic surgery to change you into looking like you want to look. But no amount of money will do emotional and psychological surgery to change how you feel about yourself. It's worth it to find the path back to loving yourself for who you are. Edited July 14, 2015 by kendahke
d0nnivain Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 You absolutely need to work on your self esteem. Until you think you are enough and until you stop beating yourself up, you won't be enough not because you aren't but because you think you aren't. You are your own worst enemy. If you are not in therapy, get some. What exactly about your looks don't you like & short of surgery how can you change your looks? Do you need to gain or lose weight? Can you get a better hair cut? Change your hair color to something more flattering? Do you need improved skin care? Would make up help? There are lots of ways to feel better about yourself. Have you tried any?
Author Nina1995 Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 I have changed my hair style and color, I have asymmetrical breasts and after extreme weight loss I have heaps of loose sagging skin that makes me look bigger than I am and also makes me ashamed to take my clothes off in from of my partner. I know he finds me attractive but... Well I felt confident and for the first time in my life complete happy with the way I look because one day when I was over at his house I noticed that he was deleting things on his computer and I asked what it was and he said "porn" I asked why and he said "because I don't feel like I need it anymore, I have you and you're beautiful. I always felt like I needed it with my ex but the thought hasn't crossed my mind with you". Those words.. they lifted me up beyond belief. That someone found me so important and so attractive that they would do something like that... I had normally seen myself as a hideous monster, disgusted in the way my body looked but at that moment... Suddenly all those years of self loathing disappeared. So needless to say when I found out three days later he had re downloaded everything I was crushed. I explained to him that I wouldn't have minded in the first place because it's just porn, but what he said, how that made me feel... it felt like he had just proved all the negative thoughts in my head right. He lied, he did need that and he realised after having sex with me, I am not more important than his ex and those perfect tiny blonds will always be better than my short stout self.
Recommended Posts