Shudder Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Hi I'm a bit of a lurker here but I need help with one specific issue. Earlier this year, I met a girl via a course I took. Initially I didn't think much of her, but she was quite nice to me. Due to class I never pursued it. The course has now been over for about 2 months. Our schedules never seemed to line up until last month. We went out to dinner where lots of conversation was had and after dinner went for a short walk and a coffee. There was some touching (mostly from me) and drinks were shared for a bit. Our second date, we had brunch. And after we went to starbucks for a coffee. It had a patio area so I chose a table with 4 chairs around and surprisingly, she decided to sit next to me, instead of opposite. She let me try her drink again. Also we were discussing her manicured nails and she didn't mind me touching her fingers. Last weekend she went out of town for a holiday. after returning, she seemed a bit apprehensive of my advances for a 3rd date, however I mentioned it and suggested that she might be up for something of a more casual nature since her job is quite demanding She actually agreed to it and said its best for now as she barely has a social life or even time to talk to her family. This exchange was all done via text. She said in one of her texts to me that 'When we are free, let's do something fun ' to which I texted back and said 'this weekend I am free. Maybe I can help relieve some stress' Just to note, English is not this girl's first language. She's quite fluent speaking it. I'm just wondering if she's suggesting to me she wants to casually date with no committments, or have more of a fwb thing going on Any help will be great - if English is your second language all the better as well thanks
yxalitis Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Wow, way to jump to a conclusion. What on this good green Earth could lead you to conclude THAT from the conversation... Since this is third date, and you haven't so much as kissed her, I would suggest that, no, she's not after a casual sex partner...if she was, you'd have found out already.
Author Shudder Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 Wow, way to jump to a conclusion. What on this good green Earth could lead you to conclude THAT from the conversation... Since this is third date, and you haven't so much as kissed her, I would suggest that, no, she's not after a casual sex partner...if she was, you'd have found out already. Thanks for the reply. I didn't leap to conclusion that she wants a sex partner, nor did we have a 3rd date yet. I am asking if she is looking for a non committed casual dating/ fwb scenario not all cultures kiss on the first date btw
Gus Grimly Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 'Maybe I can help relieve some stress' I dunno, that seems at tad forward doncha think? Whatever happened to "Sure, maybe we can hang out and go to a movie this weekend"?
yxalitis Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Thanks for the reply. I didn't leap to conclusion that she wants a sex partner, nor did we have a 3rd date yet. I am asking if she is looking for a non committed casual dating/ fwb scenario not all cultures kiss on the first date btw Nothing to do with culture...I was pointing out that if she was the type to have a casual sex partner, she's FAR more likely to have kissed you already... Have you EVER had one, or know anything about it? Think about it, her "culture" frowns on her kissing on the first date, but a casual sex partner is just fine? You're just way off base here, seems like a nice sweet girl likes you, and you can't see past a single, easily misinterpreted line, and suddenly think she just wants sex. What, by the way, do YOU want?
Author Shudder Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 I actually have had a casual hook up before and no the girl never initiated. I only found out after being around her 3-4 times that she wanted to kiss me. Staying over at my place was a big hint. but no they never initiated. in my experience the girls give you the hints, but I've never come across one so forward. Anyway so according to what you are saying she is interested in spending time with me. Then what is with agreeing to keep it casual? usually that means non committed..
yxalitis Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I actually have had a casual hook up before and no the girl never initiated. I only found out after being around her 3-4 times that she wanted to kiss me. Staying over at my place was a big hint. but no they never initiated. in my experience the girls give you the hints, but I've never come across one so forward. Anyway so according to what you are saying she is interested in spending time with me. Then what is with agreeing to keep it casual? usually that means non committed.. I only have you three paragraphs to go on, but if English is not her native language, does she understand the full meaning of "keep it casual" in the context you are alluding to? Most likely she means taking it slowly, jsut dating at first, NOT that she wants to jump into bed with you. Your previous example doesn't sound like FWB, or an FB, but just a ONS. You started out recanting the tale of a nice date..then abruptly changed it to this FWB thing...why? Don't You want to have a nice, romantic relationship...? Honesltly it's a much better than the FWB thing...
Author Shudder Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 I only have you three paragraphs to go on, but if English is not her native language, does she understand the full meaning of "keep it casual" in the context you are alluding to? Most likely she means taking it slowly, jsut dating at first, NOT that she wants to jump into bed with you. Your previous example doesn't sound like FWB, or an FB, but just a ONS. You started out recanting the tale of a nice date..then abruptly changed it to this FWB thing...why? Don't You want to have a nice, romantic relationship...? Honesltly it's a much better than the FWB thing... My previous example was a regular hook up for about a month, but that was how it started anyway. I was fine with regular dates until she seemed emotionally unavailable. I mentioned in my OP that she works a demanding job and that she doesn't have much time for anything other then work. Of the times we met up she told me how she cannot say no to new tasks, so most likely her boss keeps giving her new things to do to the point that she can't handle. As for what I'm looking for, nothing too serious at this point as well. if that happens, well cross the bridge when it comes to it. anyway beccause of her being busy, I suggested something of a more casual nature, maybe it means take things slow, but from the whole picture, it sounds like she doesn't mind having 'fun' but does not have the time for a proper dedicated relationship at this point in time.
yxalitis Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 My previous example was a regular hook up for about a month, but that was how it started anyway. I was fine with regular dates until she seemed emotionally unavailable. I mentioned in my OP that she works a demanding job and that she doesn't have much time for anything other then work. Of the times we met up she told me how she cannot say no to new tasks, so most likely her boss keeps giving her new things to do to the point that she can't handle. As for what I'm looking for, nothing too serious at this point as well. if that happens, well cross the bridge when it comes to it. anyway beccause of her being busy, I suggested something of a more casual nature, maybe it means take things slow, but from the whole picture, it sounds like she doesn't mind having 'fun' but does not have the time for a proper dedicated relationship at this point in time. OK, but you came here asking for help, and provided the tiniest amount of info, I had to drag the details out of you. And to answer your question...I dunno...no one here can know, just see what happens next date...try and kiss her this time.
Author Shudder Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 OK, but you came here asking for help, and provided the tiniest amount of info, I had to drag the details out of you. And to answer your question...I dunno...no one here can know, just see what happens next date...try and kiss her this time. I believe I mentioned that she was quite busy in the OP? I will definitely test the grounds to see if she's comfy with me
yxalitis Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I believe I mentioned that she was quite busy in the OP? I will definitely test the grounds to see if she's comfy with me Oh yes, "Quite busy"...speaks volumes. I'm "Quite busy" but I still have evenings and weekends free
Author Shudder Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 Oh yes, "Quite busy"...speaks volumes. I'm "Quite busy" but I still have evenings and weekends free i don't see what your point is other then dissecting everything I say to pieces
joseb Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Now gents, less bickering, more resolving Anyway, I would not read from the info that she was looking for a FWB type deal at all. More that she didn't want to rush into serious dating. I could be wrong. I would suggest organising a fun date for the weekend and asking her out. Assuming you are still interested in dating her?
Author Shudder Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 Now gents, less bickering, more resolving Anyway, I would not read from the info that she was looking for a FWB type deal at all. More that she didn't want to rush into serious dating. I could be wrong. I would suggest organising a fun date for the weekend and asking her out. Assuming you are still interested in dating her? Yes I'm still interested in seeing her
Arieswoman Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 OP, Maybe I can help relieve some stress' So take her bowling, paint-balling or bungee jumping - exercise is good for stress 1
jen1447 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Hi I'm a bit of a lurker here but I need help with one specific issue. Earlier this year, I met a girl via a course I took. Initially I didn't think much of her, but she was quite nice to me. Due to class I never pursued it. The course has now been over for about 2 months. Our schedules never seemed to line up until last month. We went out to dinner where lots of conversation was had and after dinner went for a short walk and a coffee. There was some touching (mostly from me) and drinks were shared for a bit. Our second date, we had brunch. And after we went to starbucks for a coffee. It had a patio area so I chose a table with 4 chairs around and surprisingly, she decided to sit next to me, instead of opposite. She let me try her drink again. Also we were discussing her manicured nails and she didn't mind me touching her fingers. Last weekend she went out of town for a holiday. after returning, she seemed a bit apprehensive of my advances for a 3rd date, however I mentioned it and suggested that she might be up for something of a more casual nature since her job is quite demanding She actually agreed to it and said its best for now as she barely has a social life or even time to talk to her family. This exchange was all done via text. She said in one of her texts to me that 'When we are free, let's do something fun ' to which I texted back and said 'this weekend I am free. Maybe I can help relieve some stress' Just to note, English is not this girl's first language. She's quite fluent speaking it. I'm just wondering if she's suggesting to me she wants to casually date with no committments, or have more of a fwb thing going on Any help will be great - if English is your second language all the better as well thanks Not looking to casually date or FWB, imo. Maybe even being a bit standoff-ish since she frontloaded the busy terms. I'd just be super casual if you persist with it, bc if she feels you reaching for her boobs or trying to make an emotional connection when all she wants is to hang out a bit, you'll chase her off.
Author Shudder Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 bit of an update. Called the girl in question as I was texting her about getting together on sunday. Getting annoyed with texting I called her. She said her Sunday scheduling she's unsure of as she has tennis class in the evening, but its subject of court availability. I asked her to meet for lunch and her tennis could happen anywhere between 5-8pm.. And she said that she rather us meet on a day where she didn't have to run off for her tennis class, so she suggested Saturday during the day (actually suggested Saturday evening initially but she has a dinner to go to). From what she said, it sounds like she wants to spend at least a good afternoon with me. I have just moved apartment and she was askign for pics of the new place. I suggested that if we have time on saturday, she's welcome to come by to have a look and she took up my invite. Also after our call, I playfully texted her saying that she needs a massage and that i can give her one on saturday (she's pretty stressed from work and sounded quite tense on the phone). to which she replied 'good! i love massages'. seems like interest is there for both of us. will see how things go over the weekend. Hopefully good
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