Johnson445 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Hey guys, Posting from mobile so I apologize for any grammatical errors. I am 20 and my girlfriend is 19, been dating for 4 months. She is a great time to be around and she's very honest, however finding out her past is something I'd rather not know...I've told her I don't want her telling me things like that and she understands but the "damage is already done." I know what she's been asked to do and has done before...I know she's had 5 sexual partners, two boyfriends and the first 3 she said are guys she got with when her parents got divorced and her dad left her as a way to cope.... Not judging her because everything she's done, experienced and learned has made her into the woman I seriously care about. It just bothers me that other guys have slept with a girl I hold dearly, etc. Or could say they've got with her or something along those lines as if she's an object.... I suppose that's where my insecurity lies? Knowing some things has made me visualize it too, which seriously bothers me. Part of me though doesn't care, appreciates she has some experience, and realizes she has a past that shapes her into someone I like. It's just a small thing really ,but I feel it is something I should be able to laugh about and be happy she's mine and chooses to be with me. As in, I should fully embrace the secure side which doesn't care and realizes the positives and realism. Any advice? I just wanna look past it. Thanks for reading. Tl;dr girlfriend has sex in the past, bothers me a little. How can I get over it so it doesn't phase me at all?
babycakees Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 It just bothers me that other guys have slept with a girl I hold dearly, etc. Or could say they've got with her or something along those lines as if she's an object.... You are going to have to try to look past this. Almost any girl you date will have some sort of past and you will most likely not be her first sexual partner. 2
wb1988 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 (edited) You are going to have to try to look past this. Almost any girl you date will have some sort of past and you will most likely not be her first sexual partner. I've been there so I know it sucks, especially when you're in your late teens or early 20s to find this stuff out. Also my 1st gf had divorced parents, the stereotype of a girl without a full-time father is unfortunately true, they really to $lut-up. 5 partners at only 19 is quite a lot though, but at least it's not as bad as mine (she was 18 and already slept with 8-9 guys). I think you're thinking her too much as wife material, as if she's the 'one' or some ****. Just understand that she's one of many so who cares about her past because before you know it she'll be in your past. Edited July 13, 2015 by wb1988 1
xcupid Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 This is the sort of thing that eats away at guys and causes things to go off the rails in a relationship. It's based on what you've recognized, insecurity. In any relationship you have to accept that the woman you're with has very likely slept with at least a man or two or more. If you cannot accept that then you shouldn't date. It's a fact of life, a fact of dating, and a fact of relationships. What you should do instead, as you have realized, is to accept her for who she is and develop your relationship with her. That shows maturity. That shows acceptance for who she is. That shows you're not judging her for her past. If she's the way you've described her, then be thankful she's with you and work on the relationship to make it a fun and happy one instead of spending any more time with the ghosts of her past relationships - because they are all in your mind. Good luck. 1
IronZ Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 What she did before you two got together is in the past. She doesn't owe you an apology for that, nor should you act so butthurt over something that had nothing to do with you. You already mentioned you like being with this girl. The only way to move forward is to let go of the past.
Grumpybutfun Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 (edited) You can move on by breaking up so she can find someone less judgmental with sharing a part of her life. She trusted you and you made her life about your insecurities. Make it clear right away when dating the next woman that you only date virgins or women who keep their sex life a secret. Geez! What is this....some weird modern epidemic? G Edited July 14, 2015 by Grumpybutfun 2
Photofinish Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I know what she's been asked to do and has done before...I know she's had 5 sexual partners, two boyfriends and the first 3 she said are guys she got with when her parents got divorced and her dad left her as a way to cope.... That's bull. Yeah 5 is a high number at that age and shes gone around but at this point shes with you so once shes clear of STDs , it doesnt matter much. Sex sadly doesnt have as much meaning as it use to but a relationship is more then sex. Enjoy what you have with her. It's very hard to find a virgin nowadays. Try not to think about it . It's only going to hurt you more. Goodluck.
casey.lives Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 it sounds like she is very immature or very insensitive for telling you so much. 1
yxalitis Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Tl;dr girlfriend has sex in the past, bothers me a little. How can I get over it so it doesn't phase me at all? Hello...this is the 19th century calling! W T F Dude, read some books, see some films, talk to some people, get your head out of your arse and see the real world you live in, not some fantasy land from 100 years ago.
ManyDissapoint Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I find it funny that everyone jumps on the 'insecurity' bandwagon whenever a guy is feeling queasy because he found out his GF had a lot more sexual partners than expected. Occasionally it can be insecurity, but the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. There is nothing worse than being cheated on. If your engine starts clunking and you get a sinking feeling in your stomach, is it because you get insecure? 2
yxalitis Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I find it funny that everyone jumps on the 'insecurity' bandwagon whenever a guy is feeling queasy because he found out his GF had a lot more sexual partners than expected. Occasionally it can be insecurity, but the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. There is nothing worse than being cheated on. If your engine starts clunking and you get a sinking feeling in your stomach, is it because you get insecure? Her past behaviour isn't cheating on partners, is it? And, yes, frankly! if a girl having an average of two sexual encounters a year worries you, you're living in a strange alternative universe.
joseb Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I'm curious as to how the number of past partners came up. Did she just volunteer this information? Did you ask her?
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