Whydon'tyou Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Hi Loveshack community, I have been working with this twin for a year now. Only a few days a month. We had a get together with our team (six of us). And I got a vibe from a her. We laughed and had eyecontact. And afterwards she hugged me tight. It was that hug that did it for me. Sparks But here is the thing. First of all I am a lot older. I am 29 she is 18( I look very young she thinks I am 25 or something). This is what I was telling myself like for a year from time to time. She is cute. Just my type. A lot in common. But to young. Second of all. I work with her sister and her. Granted only a couple of days a month. But if the dating fails or even if I just get rejected if I ask her out it will suck and be awkward. And maybe ruin my part time job. Third of all She is a twin! She does everything with her sister. They are never apart. Work related stuff I always correspond with them both at the same time. If I want to casually ask her out. She wil immediatly ask why her sister can't come. Than I have to say it is a date. That puts pressure on it. Fourth of all She is a TWIN!! How does that work? She already has a life companion. How does that work? Obviously I would have to share her. But they are not very seperated yet. Have the same lives basically. Fifth She never had a boyfriend. How does dating work with a virgin? Last time I was confronted with that was 12 years ago. I am scared that the dating will be ok but go nowhere. She doesn't know how nice it is to cuddle etc. Maybe she wouldn't be drawn to much to me physically and it will take half a year for us to go steady. This happened to me with the last girl I dated after a year of dating once a month and talking 3 times a week I was done. But I like her a lot you guys. She is just my type. Don't get me wrong. I don't care for most eighteen year old. Immature, boring etc. I just wish she was a couple of years older. Had a boyfriend already etc. I would like advice on the whole situation. But it would be nice just to have some seperate advice on these points mentioned. Thx
yxalitis Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 You don't think twins date? CO-JOINED twins date! I think the age difference is a more significant NO factor... Dude, she's a kid...let her find someone closer to her age. 11 years is OK when she's 30...but 18?
mystikmind2005 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Yea, with the age difference i would not push the issue too hard. If she wants you then go with that but don't expect it to be very long term. So i guess you have to decide if a short term relationship is worth the pain when it ends?
Author Whydon'tyou Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 You don't think twins date? CO-JOINED twins date! I think the age difference is a more significant NO factor... Dude, she's a kid...let her find someone closer to her age. 11 years is OK when she's 30...but 18? Dude I know. Ofcourse twins date. Just asking how to go about it. The age thing can be an isseu I know. As I already explained I wouldn't date her if she was a kid. And to be honest. When I was eighteen I wasn't a kid anymore. Sure inexperienced and dumb idears. But she isn't like that. I don't know how she did it. But I learned a lot the hard way by trial and error. Somehow she learned a lot of good things right from the start. She is a lot smarter than I was at that age. She graduated her high school with almost all A and advanced classes Idears about age are generalizations. I am still in uni. She is starting uni. Are lifefases aren't to far apart. It could be I had 3 kids already and started working when I was like 18 or something. And aged already because of working outdoors and smoking and hairloss. And that she is still in high school dreaming about her favorite boyband. But that is not the case. I look young we are still studying she is ahead and I am behind. Yea, with the age difference i would not push the issue too hard. If she wants you then go with that but don't expect it to be very long term. So i guess you have to decide if a short term relationship is worth the pain when it ends? Again these are generalizations. But I am afraid of this too. I am her first how will that ever hold? But it happens. And also. If she was 25. How would that be different? No idear if that is going to hold either. I don't know her attitudes around relationships. But this is the part of starting a relationship you will never know anyways. I know a couple who was 18 and 30 when they met. In the same class in uni. She was starting. He was trying another time. They have a kid now and have been together for 10 years. Any other advice on the other points?
veggirl Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I have a twin who I spent tonssss of time with (now we live on opposite sides of the country, boooooo) but it never affected dating. I mean if you ask HER out, why would she assume her TWIN is invited? If you ask her out, out of the blue, yeah she might think it's a friend thing and want more people to come, but if you have been flirting with her and creating that sort of relationship it shouldn't come as a surprise. Personally I think she's way too young for you but just ASK if you want. You don't know that she'll assume her twin is coming. Everyone has a first boyfriend at some point...it doesn't typically mean it takes a year to CUDDLE LOL.
d0nnivain Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Twins are still individuals. Her sister is not the problem The problem is your life stages. You are about to enter your 30s. She is a teenager. Once she figures out that you are 11 years older then she is, her "feelings" for you if they even exist may dissipate.
Author Whydon'tyou Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 (edited) I have a twin who I spent tonssss of time with (now we live on opposite sides of the country, boooooo) but it never affected dating. I mean if you ask HER out, why would she assume her TWIN is invited? If you ask her out, out of the blue, yeah she might think it's a friend thing and want more people to come, but if you have been flirting with her and creating that sort of relationship it shouldn't come as a surprise. Personally I think she's way too young for you but just ASK if you want. You don't know that she'll assume her twin is coming. Everyone has a first boyfriend at some point...it doesn't typically mean it takes a year to CUDDLE LOL. Well It could be I have been misinterpreting everything. I get a vibe. But maybe she is this way with more people. I have the idea that girls that age don't get that guys want to ask them on dates yet. Especially if there is an age difference. Some think they just want to hang out. And at that age you want to meet people, explore the world etc. I don't know if she ever had a date. I know a lot of girls with similar story's. They are 14 tru 18 or something. An older guy asks them out 20+. Most of the time these are inconsiderate *******s. And the girls just assume because of their inexperience that he just wants to hang out. Suddenly they try to kiss them or have sex etc. Or because of the age difference they automatically assume it is not a date. I absolutely don't want to be one of those guys. Edited July 14, 2015 by Whydon'tyou
Author Whydon'tyou Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 The problem is your life stages. You are about to enter your 30s. She is a teenager. Once she figures out that you are 11 years older then she is, her "feelings" for you if they even exist may dissipate. Yeah it could be. Or she could be as open minded about it as me. Again guys, I have been telling myself I am to old since the first day we met. But now I get signs clues vibes. And that butterfly feeling takes over. And about lifestages. I have a close friend who is 15 years older than me. When I was 16 I had a close friend who was 27. I'm more afraid of that she will change a lot and that I will be cut loose in the process. It is more about development stages I think. These are not perfectly lined up with ages. But I know I am pushing the envelope and I don't like it either. Still it happens and could happen.
lucy_in_disguise Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 (edited) Like wih any potential relationship, the odds are obviously stacked against you here. More so thannif this was a woman your age - i agree with most posters hat 18-30 is a pret4y big gap. But youre both legal and stranger things have happened, so I say.. go for it. Ask her out if you like her so much. You shouldnt overthink the how just because she is younger or a twin- if its meant to be, it should not take that much effort. Just make your move like you would with any woman. Go for it! Edited July 14, 2015 by lucy_in_disguise
Author Whydon'tyou Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 Like wih any potential relationship, the odds are obviously stacked against you here. More so thannif this was a woman your age - i agree with most posters hat 18-30 is a pret4y big gap. But youre both legal and stranger things have happened, so I say.. go for it. Ask her out if you like her so much. You shouldnt overthink the how just because she is younger or a twin- if its meant to be, it should not take that much effort. Just make your move like you would with any woman. Go for it! Thx Lucy:). This is what a lot of people are saying to me. And I agree with most poster too. But let me put it this way. If you meet someone who is perfect in everyway but he is 11 years older. What does that 11 years even mean? I've met girls of 25 who are less my type are more immature etc. It could be that she is too but haven't notice it yet or something. But than I will loose interest quickly so. A bit of a difference in knowledge and experience is ok. But I want somebody who I can explain things quickly and can teach me some stuff too. And even girls of my age a lot of times don't get what I am saying. She does. Politics philosophy movies she is interrested and we connect that way. Just trying to say. I am not looking for a young girl. I am looking for a buddy that I can talk too. I am not even thinking about seks with her. More in the line of cuddling, talking, doing a lot of nice things together.
organizedchaos Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Yeah it could be. Or she could be as open minded about it as me. Again guys, I have been telling myself I am to old since the first day we met. But now I get signs clues vibes. And that butterfly feeling takes over. And about lifestages. I have a close friend who is 15 years older than me. When I was 16 I had a close friend who was 27. I'm more afraid of that she will change a lot and that I will be cut loose in the process. It is more about development stages I think. These are not perfectly lined up with ages. But I know I am pushing the envelope and I don't like it either. Still it happens and could happen. At 18, she is definitely going to change a lot over the next decade and you will be cut loose regardless.
d0nnivain Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 And about lifestages. I have a close friend who is 15 years older than me. When I was 16 I had a close friend who was 27. It is more about development stages I think. These are not perfectly lined up with ages.. When she's 30 & you are 41 it's not a problem. At 18 & 29 it is a problem. If she goes to college what are you going to do, be her date to the spring dance? Of course this hot young thing is making you have butterflies but that is not a good reason to do anything. You also work with her. Do you want to jeopardize your job if she cries sexual harassment?
Diezel Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Sixth - She's 18. The twin part is the least of your problems, her maturity level - is. 1
PogoStick Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I'm always concerned when someone talks about the perfect guy or girl. Sounds like an unrealistic fantasy to me, but who cares about the naysayers? It's obvious you're gaga over her. You're a man, so go get her. Obviously relationships like this do happen for some. My freshman year at college one of the girls on my track team (also freshman) had a 30-something boyfriend. He even came to her dorm a few times and I met him. A guy his age in the girl's dorm is pretty odd and I think he was a bit nervous about it, but obviously she didn't give a fk. Hell, some girls love getting to show off their older boyfriend like that. Are you going ask her out or not?
Author Whydon'tyou Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 When she's 30 & you are 41 it's not a problem. At 18 & 29 it is a problem. If she goes to college what are you going to do, be her date to the spring dance? Of course this hot young thing is making you have butterflies but that is not a good reason to do anything. You also work with her. Do you want to jeopardize your job if she cries sexual harassment? Hot young thing. Hmmm not really I seriously would like her to be older. Also on a sexual level I don't find eighteen year olds attractive. And the butterflies where love butterflies not a boner. Not to get in the whole philosophy of the thing but I think there is a difference. I am not thinking of sex with her. I am one in ten guys who doesn't like sex without love. Just to get an idea she is kind off a nerd doesn't wear make up etc and she is not a hot naieve half naked party teen. Again I don't like eighteen year olds in general. And I understand that everybody has a general idea about a eighteen year old. But she is different form this general idea. Doesn't anybody on here have friends that are much younger or older they connect with? Her going to college is ok I am still in college too so. The working thing is what bothers me the most actually.Asking her on a date wouldn't be difficult besides that. If she turns me down I would have gotten it out of my system and move on. But even getting rejected would be bad. Suddenly she would think I have a crush on her all this time. And it will be awkward. Plus the age thing. Maybe she thinks I am a creep. And it will ruin the friendship. Sexual harassment now. If rejected it will just be awkward and maybe ruin our friendship.
Author Whydon'tyou Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 I'm always concerned when someone talks about the perfect guy or girl. Sounds like an unrealistic fantasy to me, but who cares about the naysayers? It's obvious you're gaga over her. You're a man, so go get her. Obviously relationships like this do happen for some. My freshman year at college one of the girls on my track team (also freshman) had a 30-something boyfriend. He even came to her dorm a few times and I met him. A guy his age in the girl's dorm is pretty odd and I think he was a bit nervous about it, but obviously she didn't give a fk. Hell, some girls love getting to show off their older boyfriend like that. Are you going ask her out or not? That is what I am talking about. A little encouragement. Maybe that or try to get more signs she is in to me. Next time we have a job together. Going to dress nice and flirt with her.
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