ptopes Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 My ex boyfriend and I broke up about 4 months ago. We had no contact for the first 2 months, but we have recently started running into each other at a bar on friday nights. He broke up with me because we fought a lot and he said he had no feelings for me. That being said, I was told by a few friends of mine that he apparently was upset and hurt over the breakup, even though he "has no feelings" which didn't make much sense. I'm probably over analyzing, but I felt like I was getting mixed signals since at the bar, he would hang out with me and mutual friends with whom he barely speaks to instead of his own best friend. I don't get why he would spend about an hour with me and friends with whom he doesnt speak much with, and about 20 minutes with other people. He would always jump in to make remarks about a comment I would make, and yes there is a possibility he was just being friendly, but I don't know. I still don't see why he wouldn't spend a majority of his time with friends with whom he actively speaks with. I got fed up with over analyzing everything and texted him for the first time since we broke up asking to "meet up for coffee and talk". He agreed, without hesitation. I'm INCREDIBLY nervous, guys. I dont know how to break the ice. I will be fine with talking about normal stuff, but I do want to try and reconcile and try again. I know it wont be achieved in just one coffee meet up, but I'm not sure how to initiate the possibility of reconciliation. Is it even a good sign he asked to meet up? Any advice would be great, thank you.
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 What the heck are you doing?? Didn't we go over his motivation in your last thread? No, no, no.... This is a very, very bad idea. It will NOT go well. At least, not the way you're hoping. I'm sorry, but really, if you value your heart, and have any dignity whatsoever, do NOT meet up with him tomorrow. Or ever. 1
Author ptopes Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 I'm so sorry! I just feel like I'm going crazy. I was doing GREAT for the last month and I don't know what the heck happened the last two days and things just went nuts. I can't stop thinking about him anymore. I'm totally setting myself up for failure, but this nagging hope is literally driving me nuts.
quattrob Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 I'd watch out if i were you, he claimed he had no feelings for you when u guys broke up, so he may just feel lonely or is just trying to keep u around for his own selfish reasons. First thing you need to figure out is what his true intentions are, once you got that cleared up then you'll know what to do.
grokcahsevol Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 I'm no expert, but from what I have read and watched.. he dumped you.. let him chase you. It seems like you're chasing him. My gf told me after 9 years the "spark" was gone. If she wants me she needs to work for me, I'm a catch! 1
mightycpa Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 OK, so you're pretty good at using the broken record technique on us, now it is time to use the broken record technique on him. You're probably pretty young, so if "broken record" mystifies you, google it. OK, so back to what you should do: you've broken a bunch of boundaries, and now you have to actually show up and say something... I'd suggest that you not beat around the bush. Tell him something like you're tired of his wishy-washy mixed signals like at the bar, either he wants to be with you or he doesn't. Tell him that he has one chance, right now, to explain himself, and he'd better be completely ****ing honest or he's going to be dead to you. Tell him you want to know where you stand in no uncertain terms. You'd better have 3 or 4 speeches prepared as your response, depending on the nature of his possible responses....then I think you're good to go. Go get 'em champette! Yeah, yeah, I know, horrible advice overall, but best advice under the circumstances. She's invited him, and he's in. Might as well lay it on the line. 3
Gus Grimly Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Yeah, yeah, I know, horrible advice overall, but best advice under the circumstances. She's invited him, and he's in. Might as well lay it on the line. True. nothing left to lose, she's already thinking of him every second of the day. If it doesn't work, come back here and ask us why it didn't work out.
54JA Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I completely agree with CPA. At this point, it's kind of too late for us to say NC, even though that is the smarter option. The worst thing you can do tomorrow at your meet up is to engage in non-sense "how are you doing?" chats and "we are gonna take things slow and see if we can be friends" BS. If you don't get your point across, you will be forced to be dishonest (e.g., "I'm doing OK") and end up wasting a massive amount of time ("I don't know where this is going"). Be direct! Good luck girl! 1
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