Another girl with ex issues

[BriNyc82]

Ravfour they sure do. And when you call them out on it they will deny it to all lengths to preserve their image. So selfish. If you want out of a relationship just be honest and let someone go with some transparency. It's always so much messier when they talk out both sides of their mouths and dig themselves in to a hole.

 

Final- I'm in a very similar situation. I struggle everyday bc I know it wasn't "me" that was the problem too. But I question the sincerity of what we had. I still have no idea what happened and he's robbed me of all good memories because I question if any of it was real or not. Like the OP said before if they can do a 180 now who's to say they won't do it again?

[finalendeavor]

My immediate thought was that another girl was involved, but I would've seen more obviously on social media. The day I got dumped, he was commenting back on his ex's post from two years ago. She was reminiscing on "the good old days", and he posted a picture as response. That was it though, and C reassured me that he responded because she is friends with their entire "group", and then proceeded to "dump" me. He's very quick to broadcast romances. The entire time we dated, photos of me were posted all over his facebook, his friends saying stuff like "wife her", "marry her, she's the once", etc..

 

When the friend told me it was "definitely over for good", I asked, "okay, well if you don't feel comfortable telling me why, will you at least tell me whether or not it was another girl?" and the friend said there wasn't. I don't think the friend was lying, either, because it would've been easy to find out the truth, with the whole social media thing. He told me the same thing about C's ex; that she's just friends with everyone in their "group". The friend also insisted that "even if he seems like he doesn't care, he really does. **** just changed".

 

The whole thing is absolutely elusive. Its occurred to me a few times that he might have genuinely lost interest, but I just don't see that being the case, as he point blank told me two days before "no matter what, I will be living with you in August". Beyond that, when I went to see him, **** went so well it was almost like we were in a movie.

 

I don't know man, maybe he's an FBI agent or something, hahahahaha. I really just need to move on and accept the fact that I'll likely never know. Even if I do find out, I'll probably just think it was the dumbest bull**** I've ever heard anyways.

Edited July 16, 2015 by finalendeavor

[ravfour4]

When my ex and I started dating she posted pictures of me nonstop everywhere, introduced me to her family instantly, told me she wanted to get married, talked about me to all her friends and her boss. I figured the same would be true if she had a new guy, but it wasn't.

 

For one, the new guy didn't have any social media. For two, all her friends and family loved me and posting pictures with a new guy right after we broke up would make them all think she was pathetic. She also told none of her friends about it because she was ashamed to be dating a married man...soon after our break up and soon after my father passed away...who she loved more than her own neglectful father.

 

Long story short, she was deceitful as hell and the same could be happening to you. Most emotionally weak people who depend on their be/gf nonstop are not capable of magically becoming strong on their own and no longer needing you, they just transition that neediness to someone else and no longer "need" you.

[finalendeavor]

It's weird, my mind is so conflicted. I guess in retrospect he didn't actually start posting pictures of me for awhile. I remember there being a time period in the beginning where he told he we can only be friends because he was too emotionally unavailable to give anything more, and I understood and kept hanging around because I respected him as a person. There were a few weeks we didn't talk, and that was fine, he didn't owe me anything. I suspect he's in the same boat, which is why I'm still hanging onto hope, even if I know I was wronged. I think he wasn't as honest this time because it's hard to go from getting ready to moving in together to just friends. There's too many feelings. At first, I thought he was the quick to romance type in every aspect, but I guess that's not entirely accurate, because we didn't immediately hop into a romance, we fell into it. I remember when we would slowly come to small positive realizations about each other. It's all very weird and annoying, even more so because I know him well enough to know that he knows he's doing a ****ty thing.

Edited July 16, 2015 by finalendeavor

[finalendeavor]

I have more details about this particular situation in another thread of mine.

 

I was recently dumped in a pretty disrespectful way (over text) by a guy I had definite plans to move in with. I know he had only two or three days to think about it, as we were literally talking about the living situation, etc. right before those two or three days. We go in our first spat in a sixth month relationship on a Friday, and then he got really distant. The next day, he goes to a wedding and essentially stops talking to me, so on Sunday, I sort of questioned him about it. He tells me that the wedding made him have a grand epiphany, and that he thinks moving in is too big of a step, but that he doesn't want to continue our long distance relationship, because he's "having a hard time with the distance", and that he's "going to die alone". I was very composed during the breakup and did not beg. I simply stated that I didn't think that our relationship needed to be thrown away because of a few rough days, but that I would understand and respect how he was feeling. I know another girl isn't in the picture, though we was talking with a big-time ex of his on his Facebook page the day this happened. I didn't read into it, but found it interesting that when I called him out for being distant and failing to provide any reassurance, he immediately told me it didn't have anything to do with her. A week later, I contact him apologizing about pressuring him, etc. He doesn't respond. I'm approaching four weeks of no contact. I haven't heard a single peep from him since the breakup. We're still friends on social media.

 

Its been almost a month, but I'm still having a really hard time coping with the fact that I've literally been cut out and dumped over a decision that was made overnight. This was a week after I got back from visiting him. He was feeling so committed that he even had me meet all of his friends and family. The chemistry was definitely there. We got along really well (we're basically the same person), and we have so many common interests.

 

Will someone please try to help me understand this? I've never been dumped and then not heard anything from the dumper in the first month, especially after such a random breakup, so this has been really difficult for me to handle and accept. I know he was having a really stressful time at work/ panicking over finding where he was going to live and that these things might have exasperated any doubt he was feeling, but being dumped was so harsh. I know that people will sometimes leave to sort themselves out and get some space, but to not hear anything in an entire month? It's just all so weird.

Edited July 25, 2015 by finalendeavor

[Redhead14]

I have more details about this particular situation in another thread of mine.

 

I was recently dumped in a pretty disrespectful way (over text) by a guy I had definite plans to move in with. I know he had only two or three days to think about it, as we were literally talking about the living situation, etc. right before those two or three days. We go in our first spat in a sixth month relationship on a Friday, and then he got really distant. The next day, he goes to a wedding and essentially stops talking to me, so on Sunday, I sort of questioned him about it. He tells me that the wedding made him have a grand epiphany, and that he thinks moving in is too big of a step, but that he doesn't want to continue our long distance relationship, because he's "having a hard time with the distance", and that he's "going to die alone". I know another girl isn't in the picture. A week later, a contact him apologizing about pressuring him, etc. He doesn't respond. I'm approaching four weeks of no contact. I haven't heard a single peep from him since the breakup. We're still friends on social media.

 

Its been almost a month, but I'm still having a really hard time coping with the fact that I've literally been cut out and dumped over a decision that was made overnight. This was a week after I got back from visiting him. He was feeling so committed that he even had me meet all of his friends and family. The chemistry was definitely there. We got along really well (we're basically the same person), and we have so many common interests.

 

Will someone please try to help me understand this? I've never been dumped and then not heard anything from the dumper in the first month, especially after such a random breakup, so this has been really difficult for me to handle and accept. I know he was having a really stressful time at work/ panicking over finding where he was going to live and that these things might have exasperated any doubt he was feeling, but being dumped was so harsh. I know that people will sometimes leave to sort themselves out and get some space, but to not hear anything in an entire month? It's just all so weird.

 

It happens all-the-time. It is the best way to end a relationship. It's not cool to end a six month relationship via text, but it says something about who that guy is. Be happy it's no contact and you stick with it too. Do you really want to be with someone who handles stress so poorly, can't make big decisions without crumbling? That is an indicator of how he would handle big issues with you in the future. Move on. You can do better.

[mightycpa]

The next day, he went to a wedding, met some chick who lives near him, and he decided that having this girlfriend is better than having that girlfriend.

 

Even if this isn't the case, I think he's been pretty clear, and you have to stop wondering why. In the end, what difference does why make? Is there any set of circumstances that will make you feel better? I doubt it.

 

Take him at his word. He wanted you before, now he doesn't. Pretty simple stuff.

 

I know it doesn't feel good, but if you shift your focus to accepting reality, rather than understanding the unknowable, you'll feel better sooner.

[pillowpuffs]

My ex dumped me, then I found out he had been cheating on me and it's almost 2 months since the breakup and I haven't heard from him since the breakup. I have found it very disconcerting that he hasn't said a word to me. I think, in my case, he was just very done with me/sick of me and really wanted to cut me loose. We were together for 6 years. It is extremely harsh that he disappeared from my life so easily and here I am literally finding every hour a struggle.. Genuinely feel like our 6 years together meant nothing at all to him. But that's just it, I'm never going to hear from him again.

 

Sorry that you're going through a difficult time. Your situation does sound confusing considering what he said just a few days before the breakup. I don't get how or why people wipe someone out of their lives just like that but I'm going through it too and it really sucks.

[finalendeavor]

I know for sure it wasn't another girl, because his best friend spoke with me about the whole situation after the breakup, but still wouldn't tell me why he did it. Also, despite the fact that he's a twenty-three year old guy, he was on a year long dry spell before we got together, even though he has many ways to meet girls.

 

I just feel like I could accept it so much more easily if I understood it. It was so out of nowhere. He's been known to bury his head in the sand when the going gets rough occasionally.

[finalendeavor]

I know it's arrogant as ****, but the fact that I haven't heard from him has also been such a big ego hit. Do you really think he likely just decided he was done and forgot about me that quickly? Feels like I don't even exist. Is there a likelihood he'll crop back up in the future? Do guys who run away for these kinds of things usually tend to reappear? I just hate this **** because I was also the friend he confided in for everything, and then he's kicked my ass to the curb just like that. Even after all the traits I had that he claimed to love. He said I was the only girl I've ever dated that didn't have anything wrong with them, that he loved my confidence, that I had the best body, that I was brilliant, etc.

 

I wonder if I made him feel insecure or something. So frustrating.

Edited July 25, 2015 by finalendeavor

[pidgeon1010]

His friend is his spokesperson so don't expect him to say anything different than he has told you. I find it suspicious an ex came into the pic and he immediately defended anything between them when you questioned his behavior. Big red flag.

 

You are going to drive yourself crazy trying to come up with a rational explanation for his decision to leave. Sorry to say but you need to give that up because you may never know. A guy can think you are the most gorgeous and smartest girl he has ever been with and still break up with you. Even if you knew the real reason, it's not going to change what the reality is. The only thing you know for a fact right now is he doesn't want to be with you and has cut off all ties. It sucks and it hurts but you have to make a conscious effort to move on or you will be consumed by it all.

[jen1447]

I have more details about this particular situation in another thread of mine.

 

I was recently dumped in a pretty disrespectful way (over text) by a guy I had definite plans to move in with. I know he had only two or three days to think about it, as we were literally talking about the living situation, etc. right before those two or three days. We go in our first spat in a sixth month relationship on a Friday, and then he got really distant. The next day, he goes to a wedding and essentially stops talking to me, so on Sunday, I sort of questioned him about it. He tells me that the wedding made him have a grand epiphany, and that he thinks moving in is too big of a step, but that he doesn't want to continue our long distance relationship, because he's "having a hard time with the distance", and that he's "going to die alone". I was very composed during the breakup and did not beg. I simply stated that I didn't think that our relationship needed to be thrown away because of a few rough days, but that I would understand and respect how he was feeling. I know another girl isn't in the picture, though we was talking with a big-time ex of his on his Facebook page the day this happened. I didn't read into it, but found it interesting that when I called him out for being distant and failing to provide any reassurance, he immediately told me it didn't have anything to do with her. A week later, I contact him apologizing about pressuring him, etc. He doesn't respond. I'm approaching four weeks of no contact. I haven't heard a single peep from him since the breakup. We're still friends on social media.

 

Its been almost a month, but I'm still having a really hard time coping with the fact that I've literally been cut out and dumped over a decision that was made overnight. This was a week after I got back from visiting him. He was feeling so committed that he even had me meet all of his friends and family. The chemistry was definitely there. We got along really well (we're basically the same person), and we have so many common interests.

 

Will someone please try to help me understand this? I've never been dumped and then not heard anything from the dumper in the first month, especially after such a random breakup, so this has been really difficult for me to handle and accept. I know he was having a really stressful time at work/ panicking over finding where he was going to live and that these things might have exasperated any doubt he was feeling, but being dumped was so harsh. I know that people will sometimes leave to sort themselves out and get some space, but to not hear anything in an entire month? It's just all so weird.

 

I know for sure it wasn't another girl, because his best friend spoke with me about the whole situation after the breakup, but still wouldn't tell me why he did it. Also, despite the fact that he's a twenty-three year old guy, he was on a year long dry spell before we got together, even though he has many ways to meet girls.

 

I just feel like I could accept it so much more easily if I understood it. It was so out of nowhere. He's been known to bury his head in the sand when the going gets rough occasionally.

 

I know it's arrogant as ****, but the fact that I haven't heard from him has also been such a big ego hit. Do you really think he likely just decided he was done and forgot about me that quickly? Feels like I don't even exist. Is there a likelihood he'll crop back up in the future? Do guys who run away for these kinds of things usually tend to reappear? I just hate this **** because I was also the friend he confided in for everything, and then he's kicked my ass to the curb just like that. Even after all the traits I had that he claimed to love. He said I was the only girl I've ever dated that didn't have anything wrong with them, that he loved my confidence, that I had the best body, that I was brilliant, etc.

 

I wonder if I made him feel insecure or something. So frustrating.

 

Sorry it's going badly for you. As to the why, it may well be he was 'advised' by friends/fam about "going total NC" like we hear so often. It tends to be a carpet bomb solution a lot of the time, and not giving you a de-briefing is indeed generally sh*tty, assuming you never went off the rails with your conduct.

 

It'll get better, it'll just take a little longer. Hugs.

[keebee]

Dang girl! I feel like we are in very similar situations/possibly dated the same guy! My X had just turned 24 and we'd been together for 6 months, lived three hours apart, he hadn't dated anyone years prior to me. He hated confrontation/fighting and avoided it at all costs. But instead of getting dumped via text, he completely disappeared on me.

 

I feel you on how much it sucks when they do NC. I haven't spoken to my X (because I'm trying to heal) but then sometimes I think dude, how can you not WANT to talk to me?! I was a great girlfriend, yo!

 

Sorry he was so back and forth with you. I wish that everyone who got into an RS was capable of clear communication, but that doesn't seem to be how it goes D: I've read some of your threads though, and you seem to be doing great in your healing, so just keep on keeping on

[stillafool]

Even after all the traits I had that he claimed to love. He said I was the only girl I've ever dated that didn't have anything wrong with them, that he loved my confidence, that I had the best body, that I was brilliant, etc.

 

I wonder if I made him feel insecure or something. So frustrating.

 

But, did he tell you he was in love with you? Guys and girls can admire alot of qualities about another but it doesn't mean love. I think you should be the one to not ever want contact with him again the way he dumped you. Don't go chasing after closure from this guy because he can't give it to you. You have to make your own and move on. I think he still has feelings for his ex and they surfaced big time. Consider yourself lucky that you didn't move in, waste your time and money, then get dumped. You'll be okay.

[finalendeavor]

Right about the time we agreed we felt love towards each other, he left me.

 

I just don't see it being the ex because they broke up two years ago, and she lives triple the distance away from him that I do. They dated for a long time, but still.

 

He did say that I was the first girl he ever discussed moving in with, that none of his other relationships were that serious.

 

I don't see how anyone could leave someone so abruptly though. I mean, a month later and I can still feel my heart breaking every time I think about it. I've almost never been this torn up over someone before.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

As a man, I will give you what my best advice would be

 

Do not contact him for a minimum period of 2-3 weeks

 

If after this time has elapsed he has not contacted you, CONTACT HIM

 

If he ignores you - DONT CONTACT HIM AGAIN - unless he contacts you

 

Then go from there

 

You wont go far wrong by doing this, if you do take my advice please remember to keep us informed whatever happens.

 

Best wishes, and good luck, Darren.

 

I'm sorry....but this sounds incredibly needy.

 

Honestly, if he wanted to be with you, he would be. He doesn't seem interested. He's going to know what you want when you text however long. If he wanted to get back together, he knows where to find you.

 

Not to make matters worse, but with the complete 180 quickly, 99 out of 100 times, its another person. The more you contact them, the more angry they get because they don't want to be annoyed or feel bad about it.

Edited July 25, 2015 by ConfusedHumanBeing