finalendeavor Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 During the past sixth months, I recently reconnected with a guy I met a guy online two years ago, and we fell head-over-heels for each other. We have a ton of similarities, and our personalities are extremely compatible. So much so, that he’s even dropped that “M” word a few times. Even all of his friends admitted that it was “different with me”. It was a long distance thing, but we were so connected. This man and I were bestfriends, and we knew it. We talked about things that we’ve never spoken about with others. I planned a visit to go see him (he only lives a state away), and the visit was incredible, so I decided to take the plunge to go and live with him. I met his family and all of his friends, and they all loved me. He’d always tell me that it’s never been like that with any of his other girlfriends. We even had the romantic hug-eachother-and-cry scene in the airport when I left. Fastforward seven days after I left, (the week after I left went completely fine), we get in a small tiff because we’d both been having hard weeks. He starts getting distant after going to a friend’s wedding the next day, and so I confront him the next day, asking him what’s up and why he’s been acting distant. He tells me that he’s been “having a hard time with the distance”, so I ask him what happened to our plans to move in together. He tells me, “That’s a really big step, honestly. Almost like marriage”, and then says, “dunno. I’m really just not feelin’ it”, and after I told him I understood how he was feeling. He told me that he needed to be alone, so I asked him if he meant for awhile or forever. He said he didn’t know, and removed our relationship status from social media. A week later, after not speaking with him, his best friend contacts me and tells me to reach out to him, saying that his feelings for me were very strong. I text him, asking how he’s been doing, no response. His best friend tells me two days later, “it’s definitely over for good”, wouldn’t tell me why, and that “i know it doesn’t seem like it, but he really does care. **** just changed”. I know he didn’t meet a new girl, either. Its been two weeks, and I’ve still not heard from him. I just need help understanding how someone could do such a complete 180 overnight like that and cut me out of their life completely. Our connection was so ****ing strong. He even drove me two hours away to meet his family. Is it possible that he was just infatuated? Did he get cold feet and run away from the committment? Do you think he’ll regret it? How long do you think it will take? Do you think he’d come around? I know not to wait around for him, I just want to try and understand the situation so I can cope a little better. I really thought he was the one, and it seemed so mutual. We just clicked, even if we wouldn’t say the “L” word yet, but we both definitely agreed we felt it. Any insight would be so appreciated. I feel dumb for forgiving him for being such a dick, I just really feel like he’s the one, even though I’ve been through a few relatively long term relationships. P.S. He even tried to talk me out of the fact that I wasn’t keen on ever getting married. He knew I didn’t want shared finances either.
hotmrw Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 He sounds like a typical Narc to me, if I was you I would step back from any form of contact, get your emotions in check, then reconnect, some people seem capable of turning 180, my ex did to me, we had 2 years together, a 13 month old child, she dumped me for some other guy, moved him in, got engaged to him, he asked her dad if he could marry her, they are going to Thailand together in September, I never see my daughter hardly, and this from a woman who not only told me she loved me but also showed me she loved me, I was more important than oxygen one week and gone the next, we as people are just not the same........... take a step back, get your emotions together, and reconnect. Best wishes, Darren. 1
Learningtowalkagain Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 I would say another girl because I was in a LDR and the girl I was with was going to move cross country to live with me. I got cold feet...around the same time I met a new girl too. You seem pretty sure it's not another women though. Mine was a combination of not wanting to make that commitment with the excitement of dating someone new. I still cared for her (LDR girl) and even visited he once when I was on leave from the military. I just wasn't ready. He's immature for leaving you hanging without an explanation. Sometimes as guys we say stuff at one point then have a change of heart after our feelings simmer. Girls do this too although they're a little more in touch with their emotions. I'd take two steps back at this point, let him take a step forward, then go from there. In all honesty I don't think his friend knows what's going on in his mind so all you can do is deal with it your way which is by letting him be for now. Try doing some stuff for yourself in the mean time.
Author finalendeavor Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 Do you guys think there's a chance he'll reconnect with me? Or is it a done deal?
Learningtowalkagain Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Do you guys think there's a chance he'll reconnect with me? Or is it a done deal? I don't know him so I couldn't answer that question for you. Everyone is different. I seriously doubt he knows what he wants at this point. He sounds very confused. Anyone who wants to still be with someone will reach out. If there were signs he was starting to pull away that would be a different story, but from what you said he did a complete 180. Give him space for now. If you start pestering him it'll probably push him further away. Let him see what his life is like without you, let him sort out his feelings. You do the same. Nothing is ever a 'done deal' but I'll be honest you're in a ****ty spot right now because you're in limbo.
Author finalendeavor Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 How long does it usually take for guys to come around and realize they miss a girl? Just in relation to stories you guys have heard. I've decided I'm probably not going to contact him until he reaches out. I definitely don't want to make the situation worse. I feel like at this point, I have to take the relationship for what it is- over- and do my own thing. If something happens, it does. If it doesn't, I will move on with time. 1
Learningtowalkagain Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 How long does it usually take for guys to come around and realize they miss a girl? Just in relation to stories you guys have heard. I've decided I'm probably not going to contact him until he reaches out. I definitely don't want to make the situation worse. I feel like at this point, I have to take the relationship for what it is- over- and do my own thing. If something happens, it does. If it doesn't, I will move on with time. Every guy is different. Hell I broke up with my ex 6 months ago and thought I had moved on, found out she has a new bf two weeks ago and now I'm bummed. For now, try to keep your mind off him, go to the gym, take a class, volunteer, spend times with friends and family...know that room in your home you wanted to organize? Do that. Do stuff to take your mind off this. You sound like a reasonable girl. I don't know if he's a drinker but be careful of the drunk texts from him if that's how he contacts you. The best thing you can do isobar on for now.
54JA Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 I think it's a done deal. I have heard a couple of similar stories, and met one like this one myself. I'm not sure how much of the pattern he fits, but it goes like this. The relationship starts out as LDR. In the beginning, he makes it look like you two have so much in common that he says it's weird. He is so excited that you like the same thing and can't believe the luck. The relationship starts out so strong, with him saying things like "I've never met anyone like you," "this is crazy," I think I am falling for you." All of these are followed by the big talk and too-good-to-be true promises, involving specific plans for being together. But when reality hits/it's time to own up to those promises, the guy begins to pull away. Although my situation was slightly different but still fits the pattern. I knew this guy from my childhood, and he was a good friend and my crush. He moved away after high school, and returned to visit the area a few years later. I just got out of a long relationship, so I was primed to fall for his tricks. He told me all the things a girl would want to hear ("I have loved you all these years," "I have never felt like this about anyone"). Before he returned home, we talked about how we are going to meet regularly, and even about potentially one of us moving to be together. Then we did the romantic crying-at-the-airport thing like you did. For the first couple weeks, we called talked to each other for a long time, telling each other how much we missed each other. But then, he quickly became unavailable. When I finally got a hold of him, he was evasive and wouldn't want to talk to me. The last phone call I made to him was actually picked up by a girl, who claimed to be his girl friend, and that was the end of it. I don't think your guy is as this bad. I am not saying he has someone else, but I suspect he may be the type to be infatuated easily/the type of really enjoying doing/saying the falling-in-love routine. They are good at saying things girls want to hear and know that we often fall for these promises without even seeing the evidence. But when it's time to own up to their words, they get cold because they know they can't keep their promises. I would not be surprised if he's met someone and is saying the same things to her that he's told you.
Author finalendeavor Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 (edited) I honestly don't think it was another girl, I would've known. He would've posted all kinds of sappy **** on social media. His family, friends, and self all admitted that he had been on a dry spell for a year. No sex, flings, nothing. He's a very attractive 23 year old guy, so I did find this a teensy bit strange. I was also the first girl he had spoken to about being this serious with. He got the worst case of cold feet to have ever existed. Edited July 13, 2015 by finalendeavor
hotmrw Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 As a man, I will give you what my best advice would be Do not contact him for a minimum period of 2-3 weeks If after this time has elapsed he has not contacted you, CONTACT HIM If he ignores you - DONT CONTACT HIM AGAIN - unless he contacts you Then go from there You wont go far wrong by doing this, if you do take my advice please remember to keep us informed whatever happens. Best wishes, and good luck, Darren. 1
Author finalendeavor Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 Will 2-3 weeks be long enough? Why should I contact him after being ignored once already? What should I say?
RoseVille Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Was this visit the first time you'd met him? I get that feeling...?
Author finalendeavor Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 It was, but it was honestly exactly like how we communicated virtually. None of it was awkward, at all. Even he commented on how peculiar it was that the transition was so smooth. I suspect he broke it off because he wasn't ready for me to live with him, but he couldn't handle an ldr either. I'm just hoping he misses me and regrets leaving me high and dry like that. He really did think I was a goddess. He always said how much he loved my sophistication, intelligence, and confidence. He loved my body, he loves that I was so self sufficient. And the sex was ace, too. I think it was too good for him, he had a hard time lasting because he said he'd never seen a figure like mine before. I felt like his dream girl. He also loved that I game, listen to the same music, and go to the gym too. The list goes on an on. This is why I feel like he'll regret it
quattrob Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 I would not contact him, he will reach out if he feels he wants to. If you try to contact him, he probably wouldnt want to talk to you anyways given the circumstances and what happened. Trust me he will contact you when he feels he wants to. I'd know because I reached out to my ex which i dumped after 2months. If they really want to talk to you, they will find you. So if I were you just try and do other things in your life.
Learningtowalkagain Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 It was, but it was honestly exactly like how we communicated virtually. None of it was awkward, at all. Even he commented on how peculiar it was that the transition was so smooth. I suspect he broke it off because he wasn't ready for me to live with him, but he couldn't handle an ldr either. I'm just hoping he misses me and regrets leaving me high and dry like that. He really did think I was a goddess. He always said how much he loved my sophistication, intelligence, and confidence. He loved my body, he loves that I was so self sufficient. And the sex was ace, too. I think it was too good for him, he had a hard time lasting because he said he'd never seen a figure like mine before. I felt like his dream girl. He also loved that I game, listen to the same music, and go to the gym too. The list goes on an on. This is why I feel like he'll regret it Well if he can't appreciate all those qualities he's certainly an idiot and you're better off without him. You sound confident in yourself, I'm sure you'll find someone better once you get over him if it doesn't work out.
Author finalendeavor Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 Quattrob, why did you leave her? When did you decide you missed her?
Author finalendeavor Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 (edited) It still bothers me that his friend said, "it's definitely over for good". I hate when friends jump in and says cryptic things. Edited July 13, 2015 by finalendeavor
quattrob Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Everyone is different but left one of my exes because she was too controlling and trying to change me.. So it doesnt apply to your situation. I decided to contact her after a few months out of my own selfishness because i wanted to try give it another shot but also i was lonely. So it was not something I am proud of but lucky for me, I got rejected. This was 3 years ago. So in your case he will contact you again when he feels he needs or wants to.. He is the one who ended it with you in a disrespectful way so why would you try to contact him? My ex tried to contact me too but i found it annoying and bothersome, i gave her cold responses etc. Give it time, once it hits him in the head, im sure he will contact you out of guilt or something
Author finalendeavor Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 Jesus, he'll probably contact me once I'm over him. Exes always seem to have that weird sixth sense
RoseVille Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 It was, but it was honestly exactly like how we communicated virtually. None of it was awkward, at all. Even he commented on how peculiar it was that the transition was so smooth. While smooth in transition, it doesn't sound like he felt the same romantic connection upon meeting for the first time that you did. This is VERY common. You never know how you're really going to feel about someone until you're actually in their presence. And that you offered to move to him after just that first meeting would scare a lot of people.
Author finalendeavor Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 He brought up me moving in way before I ever did. It was obvious that the connection was there, too, or the trip would've gotten awkward real fast
RoseVille Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 He brought up me moving in way before I ever did. It was obvious that the connection was there, too, or the trip would've gotten awkward real fast Connections fade. It obviously did for him, right?
coryreply Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 This is an awkward thing to ask, but, considering this was your first time hanging out in person, are you sure there isn't something about you that he really found off-putting or annoying? 1
Author finalendeavor Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 That what I thought, but if that was the case, I don't know how the entire week I stayed could've went so well. I mean, he even had me meet his family. Beyond that, he was asking about what sort of living arrangement I'd prefer after I left. If he found something about me so off-putting or annoying, then why would he still be instigating things after I left? That's why I'm so confused. He literally went from talking to me about whether or not I preferred an apartment or a duplex, that his mom thought I was marriage material, and buying me things, to telling me he wasn't feeling it two days later.
mightycpa Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 It still bothers me that his friend said, "it's definitely over for good". I hate when friends jump in and says cryptic things.I don't think cryptic means what you think it means... That sounds crystal-****ing-clear to me. 1
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