SJ69 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Hey guys. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 8 months now and we've definitely had our ups and downs. In the beginning of the relationship I didn't take her or it seriously. Then mid-way and most recently I began to have a problem with everything. I thought things were heading downhill and I tried to solely fix it because she claimed there was no problem. I questioned her interest, fidelity, was called annoying, etc. Now, I'm back to just chilling again. I don't get much mad anymore, I don't blow up her phone, I'm just very relaxed and act more how I did at the beginning of the relationship and she seems to be responding better. She's not as short and rude, more interested, all of that. However, I don't know if this is because I've changed how I see things or if it's truly because she has responded better. My main problem right now is that I am overly tired of making all of the compromise. We are both college students, she struggles with grades and I am going to be attending law school. She likes to go out a lot and do many things and so do I but I like to just chill mostly and she doesn't really enjoy that. We live about an hour apart in the summer and I always drive to see her, with her friends, her parties and ideas, everything. She's came to see me once. I've made so much compromise and her excuse to me all the time is that she doesn't want to drive all the way here and not do anything but I don't want to drive there all the time and party and then have to drive home, that's annoying. I just need some advice on the relationship in general and what to do. (How to carry myself, deal with the compromise, take her responses to things, stuff like that.)
d0nnivain Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Why can't she drive to see you on a weeknight? 1 hour isn't that far. I sort of get why she is going to balk at giving her local parties on Friday & Saturday night but there are other days in the week & 1 hour isn't that far.
Redhead14 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Hey guys. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 8 months now and we've definitely had our ups and downs. In the beginning of the relationship I didn't take her or it seriously. Then mid-way and most recently I began to have a problem with everything. I thought things were heading downhill and I tried to solely fix it because she claimed there was no problem. I questioned her interest, fidelity, was called annoying, etc. Now, I'm back to just chilling again. I don't get much mad anymore, I don't blow up her phone, I'm just very relaxed and act more how I did at the beginning of the relationship and she seems to be responding better. She's not as short and rude, more interested, all of that. However, I don't know if this is because I've changed how I see things or if it's truly because she has responded better. My main problem right now is that I am overly tired of making all of the compromise. We are both college students, she struggles with grades and I am going to be attending law school. She likes to go out a lot and do many things and so do I but I like to just chill mostly and she doesn't really enjoy that. We live about an hour apart in the summer and I always drive to see her, with her friends, her parties and ideas, everything. She's came to see me once. I've made so much compromise and her excuse to me all the time is that she doesn't want to drive all the way here and not do anything but I don't want to drive there all the time and party and then have to drive home, that's annoying. I just need some advice on the relationship in general and what to do. (How to carry myself, deal with the compromise, take her responses to things, stuff like that.) You haven't reached a compromise. You're simply doing all the work yourself. A compromise is a mutual agreement to meet each others needs that is acceptable for both parties and there's balance. There's no balance here. 2
Gary S Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 You have to learn to say the word "no" once in awhile. But on the distance thing, you knew she was far away before you got involved, that's your own fault, don't blame her.
Rewan Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I too am curious about why she can't drive to see you. Even if she doesn't want to "do nothing" with you, I don't think it's fair that she doesn't come to see you. You could always plan things if you decided that you wanted to go out.. But, as much as this is going to hurt to hear, I don't think that this is going in a good direction.. If she is adamant about wanting to go out all the time and always do things only with her friends, it sounds like she's trying to change you into someone that you're not. No offense, but if she were accepting of who you are, she would make the effort to go see you and spend time with your friends too doing what you like to do. I can imagine what it must be like partly because my brother and his wife are the same way. When they were dating, he was fine with compromising and allowed everything to be done her way. When they talked about marriage, he allowed her to decide that they would get married even though he couldn't understand the rush to do so. They just got married a couple of weeks ago, and everything was done her way.. I don't mention this to get off topic; I bring this up because I'd like you to see what can happen when you compromise too much for your partner..however much it hurts. And if you're this tired of it right now, I don't believe that this would be a healthy situation for you to continue with.. But that's for you to decide- not someone that has never met you. So I recommend that you take time to yourself and ask yourself the question which needs answering: do I really want to deal with this anymore? I hope this helps. :S
fitnessfan365 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 By allowing everything to be on her terms, you're being a pushover dude. Like Red said, compromising is when both people's needs are being considered and she's doing none on her end. So you need to start stating your opinion, making your needs known, and actually saying "no". But in all honesty, she sounds selfish and pretty high maintenance to deal with. In the long run, your lack of lifestyle compatibility will probably lead to a break up and you'll probably feel relieved when it happens. 1
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