Tolu2d Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Since she broke up with me for someone else 6 months ago I've done a bunch of stuff to try and improve myself and try and get over her. I've read lots of self help material, went travelling abroad for 3 months, made new friends, slept with other women, and basically had a bunch of fun. I also try and keep myself busy and play sport most nights a week. It's even been 4 months NC However I still love her and think about her every damn day! What on earth is wrong with me!
Learningtowalkagain Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Since she broke up with me for someone else 6 months ago I've done a bunch of stuff to try and improve myself and try and get over her. I've read lots of self help material, went travelling abroad for 3 months, made new friends, slept with other women, and basically had a bunch of fun. I also try and keep myself busy and play sport most nights a week. It's even been 4 months NC However I still love her and think about her every damn day! What on earth is wrong with me! I'm in a somewhat similar situation, only the split was 100% mutual (actually probably more me)...I've often thought about her over the last 6 months and we'd communicate here and there. Overall I was content. 2 weeks ago I find out she has a new bf and it just killed me. I can't get over the grief. There was and still is no doubt in my mind long term we werent right for each. Like you I've kept busy, have gotten in much better shape, bought a house, have done a lot of other things, been with other girls, but I can't get over her. Like you said 'What on earth is wrong with me?'. I ask myself that question daily. I started a journal and here are some the the answers I came up with: I'm not with anyone else. This is more a product of me trying to improve myself and trying to gain more confidence but that void is there. As many problems as we had, she still filled a need in my life. I was willing to sacrifice that need because of how miserable I was in the rs but that need hasn't been fulfilled. I get lonely. Sure I have friends/family/co-workers and a kid but none of them are a substitute for a gf. My confidence sucks right now. I just can't pick myself up no matter how hard I try. Friends say 'go talk to that girl' but my confidence blows so why even down if further by being rejected? She's with someone else and in our minds we ask ourselves why them and not us?
theredpill Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 It's just your ego pulling on your manliness, get out and date other women, you got your exe's to fall in love with you and you think they were awesome, let me tell you if you could do that, you could do even better. The only thing stopping this is mindset, it's hard - I'm a week out and planning to get out there in a month or so for some fun times, it's when you have no expectations that that amazing person appears. You'll never find them, unless you get out there! Chin up, I've felt your pain! Good luck
Author Tolu2d Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 Right now I'm 100 percent focused on getting lean/in shape before I start going back into the game. I do look forward to the day I get another GF. Hopefully someone smoking hot. Being left for someone else did kill me though. Someone basically walked right into the life I'd been building. Sport/fitness is the only thing that makes me happy at the moment. Maybe there just is a void that needs to be filled. 1
hotmrw Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Similar situation here, my ex of 2 years dumped me for a guy, moved him in, got engaged to him, he asked her dad if he could marry her, they are going to Thailand together in September, we have a 13 month old daughter together who I have not seen for 3 and a half weeks, while this wa**er picks my little girl up from Nursery, they all go home and have Tea together, I am banned from the house, I am spoken to like ***** I am treated like s!it, I have been all but cut off, I have been removed from Facebook ( so I now cant even see pictures of my little girl ) I get called everything from a pathetic man to a waste of space, and all I was guilty of was not showing her my emotions, pretty brutal if you ask me, but I have to keep strong for my little one, when I see her that is like, I ask myself what kind of person would do this kind of stuff to another, it is beyond me, way beyond me, ohhh yea and I have to message her every day to ask how my daughter is........................ All we can do is stay strong, I will leave you with a quote from one of my heroes Winston Churchill, whenever your feeling everything is getting to you remember it. "When you think you are going through Hell....KEEP GOING
Satu Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 When you say you are "in love" with her, what do you you mean?
Author Tolu2d Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 When you say you are "in love" with her, what do you you mean? Think about her, dream about her, know how right she was for me. In 6 months since the breakup I've done so much stuff and met so many new people on my travels. I've been with other women, even had my first 3some, but no other girl compares to her. Just love her and miss her. 1
Author Tolu2d Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 Similar situation here, my ex of 2 years dumped me for a guy, moved him in, got engaged to him, he asked her dad if he could marry her, they are going to Thailand together in September, we have a 13 month old daughter together who I have not seen for 3 and a half weeks, while this wa**er picks my little girl up from Nursery, they all go home and have Tea together, I am banned from the house, I am spoken to like ***** I am treated like s!it, I have been all but cut off, I have been removed from Facebook ( so I now cant even see pictures of my little girl ) I get called everything from a pathetic man to a waste of space, and all I was guilty of was not showing her my emotions, pretty brutal if you ask me, but I have to keep strong for my little one, when I see her that is like, I ask myself what kind of person would do this kind of stuff to another, it is beyond me, way beyond me, ohhh yea and I have to message her every day to ask how my daughter is........................ All we can do is stay strong, I will leave you with a quote from one of my heroes Winston Churchill, whenever your feeling everything is getting to you remember it. "When you think you are going through Hell....KEEP GOING That sucks big time. We had a dog together, but that is nothing like having a daughter with someone. I feel for you. Self I movement is the only thing that makes me feel better. When you're goo through so much pain, you may as well get a reward from it. 1
ravfour4 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 I'm in the same boat man. She treated me like **** towards the end, but I recognize the problems we had and the role I played in them. There are traits about her that aren't perfect and that really bothered me, but they seem so meaningless compared to the chemistry we had for years and how well we got along, the fact those small issues are easily fixable and aren't innate to who we are drives me crazy sometimes. She fell out of love with me and jumper into a relationship with an older marrie man, that's supposedly over now and she continues to text me here and there despite me telling her I needed time alone to move on and focus on myself and to let me know if she ever seriously reconsidered. I'm meeting new people, I like them, I'm not so jaded like I was before, but I haven't found anyone yet I'm remotely as compatible with personality, interest and sense of humor wise. I'm not looking hard, just focusing on myself, but I still miss her and feel love for her.
aloneinaz Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Going out and getting laid w/someone you have no emotional feelings for is not the same as having sex with your GF. It's just a release and feels good but does not fulfill everything we need. Even have a F-buddy doesn't fill the void that being in a committed relationship brings. You'll get over her and put her in the rear view mirror for good once you fall for the next girl in your life. TRUST ME.. If you meet some girl who rings your bell and is into you, you'll be like "why was I missing her again"? You don't miss Her, you miss being in the relationship.
d0nnivain Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 There is nothing wrong with you. People grieve at different paces. That said, we need to divest you of the mindset that you "know how right for [you] she was". Know is present tense & you have to remember all the reasons she is wrong for you. Try this: write a list of all the things that bugged you about her or all the ways she wasn't perfect. If you can't think of anything else, write that she dumped you for another guy. Just free write; brainstorm. Some can be petty -- she did or did not put ketchup on eggs or something else but write. Once you have that list, narrow it down to the top 10 & read it daily. 1
ravfour4 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Good idea Don, I just did that and the list was huge. These were all the reasons I was unhappy in the relationship and was thinking of breaking up with her, this was a great reminder. 1
Author Tolu2d Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 Not going to lie, I did think about breaking up with her a few times. Sometimes she drove me crazy, and was always flirting with other guys. She also had her plus points though. TBH, more good points than bad.
GoBlue Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Nothing is wrong with you - relationships are messy and it hurts when you lose one. The amount of time it takes to get over someone is different for each person and for each situation. The most important way to deal with a break-up in a healthy manner is to understand that a relationship requires two willing participants. Love is a choice that is made through commitment. She has chosen to end her relationship with you and to move onto someone else. This is a pretty good indicator that she really wasn't all that "right for you." When loneliness starts to grip your heart and you think everything in life would be great again if she would just take you back, remember to remove those rose colored glasses and look at the relationship realistically. Were the two of you really that happy together? If she was so good for you why did she flirt with so many people and leave you for someone else? What is really going to change if she suddenly has a "change of heart" and comes back? Keeping a proper perspective can be very helpful to get through those low points and move forward. My thoughts are with you.
Gus Grimly Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Try this: write a list of all the things that bugged you about her or all the ways she wasn't perfect. If you can't think of anything else, write that she dumped you for another guy. Just free write; brainstorm. Some can be petty -- she did or did not put ketchup on eggs or something else but write. Once you have that list, narrow it down to the top 10 & read it daily. I'm gonna do the same thing. This list would be nice to have anytime sentimentality mode comes knocking at the door, trying to remind me of my ex and how much I should be missing her right now.
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