starla33 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 My boyfriend is going on a camping trip with a female friend and her friend. I was invited, but I can't make it that weekend. I'm not sure I approve of him going camping with 2 girls. Is that unreasonable?
GorillaTheater Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 I trust my wife, and I would say hell to the no on her camping with two men. You may hear quite a bit about trust in this thread, whether you trust your bf and the girls involved, but to me it's almost irrelevant. It's necessary to have boundaries, and it's okay if this little camping arrangement falls outside of those boundaries. A little sensible mate-guarding will always have a place. 11
Author starla33 Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 I trust my wife, and I would say hell to the no on her camping with two men. You may hear quite a bit about trust in this thread, whether you trust your bf and the girls involved, but to me it's almost irrelevant. It's necessary to have boundaries, and it's okay if this little camping arrangement falls outside of those boundaries. A little sensible mate-guarding will always have a place. I trust him and his female friend completely. I don't know the girl she is bringing along however and it's for 3 nights!
writergal Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Totally not appropriate for your boyfriend to go camping without you, and with 2 other women instead. What GorillaTheater said about boundaries, I 100% agree with. If you let your boyfriend go on this camping trip, you have weak boundaries. If he goes on the camping trip despite your objection, he has no boundaries, and in turn, no respect for you as his girlfriend. 1
Author starla33 Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 Totally not appropriate for your boyfriend to go camping without you, and with 2 other women instead. What GorillaTheater said about boundaries, I 100% agree with. If you let your boyfriend go on this camping trip, you have weak boundaries. If he goes on the camping trip despite your objection, he has no boundaries, and in turn, no respect for you as his girlfriend. He's gone with his friend before and I would have nothing against it, is that weird? But the other girl however on top of it is bothering me.
writergal Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 He's gone with his friend before and I would have nothing against it, is that weird? But the other girl however on top of it is bothering me. How many times have they "gone camping" and how can you be sure they actually have gone camping? How are you sure they aren't having an affair? That's the first thing that I thought that they may possibly be doing, since you're not there with them on these so-called camping trips. How old are you three? 20s, 30s, or older?
d0nnivain Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 I hate camping. A bunch of my friends, mostly female, go camping every Memorial Day weekend. I'd rather poke my eyes out. DH really wants to go. I said have a great time, send me some pictures. He has never gone but he's free to go. The only thing about that camping trip that would upset me is if he tried to make me go. That said, if this upsets you then you have to express that to him. Remember that he's your BF, not your husband and certainly not your son. You can ask him not to go but the minute you try to forbid him from going you are going to be in trouble. If he does chose to go, despite your objection, you have to determine ho big of a betrayal this will be to you, assuming there's no cheating on the trip. Is this the hill you are willing to let your relationship die on? It might very well be & there is nothing wrong with that choice on your part. I am simply cautioning you to think about your motives, the approach you will use when you discuss this with him & the consequences. 2
Mrin Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 This is one of those edge cases. If you are okay with it and tell him and he goes then no harm no foul. If you stay silent and he goes, no harm no foul. If you say you are uncomfortable with him going, then he shouldn't. And if he does, definite harm and foul. It doesn't sound like you're comfortable. So speak up. 4
Keenly Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 So is he supposed to stay home and do nothing because you can't go? He invited you and you said no, and now you think you should tell him he isn't allowed to go? 3
GorillaTheater Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 So is he supposed to stay home and do nothing because you can't go? He invited you and you said no, and now you think you should tell him he isn't allowed to go? It's perfectly legit for her to say "I'm not okay with that." Then she'll have to see if she's okay with his response. 4
Author starla33 Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 How many times have they "gone camping" and how can you be sure they actually have gone camping? How are you sure they aren't having an affair? That's the first thing that I thought that they may possibly be doing, since you're not there with them on these so-called camping trips. How old are you three? 20s, 30s, or older? Um once like a while ago and no they are not having an affair. Why is everyone so untrusting? 1
RoseVille Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Why is everyone so untrusting? It's not about trust; it's about boundaries. 2
d0nnivain Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Um once like a while ago and no they are not having an affair. Why is everyone so untrusting? It's not about trust; it's about boundaries. It's a combo. Starla33 -- you have to figure out two things, with subparts: 1). Do you trust him? a). do you trust the 1st woman, his friend? b). do you trust her friend? 3). what do you think will happen when they are all alone in the woods & drinking? 2). where are your boundaries? While my boundaries are it would be OK if my husband camped with my female friends, that doesn't mean you are unreasonable for drawing the lines elsewhere.
Keenly Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 It's perfectly legit for her to say "I'm not okay with that." Then she'll have to see if she's okay with his response. To what end? When you go down this road you're paying the way to demand that any and all activities must be run by the girlfriend first, and if she says no then you can't go? That's a terrible way to live. She already said she trusts him. I've never been one to buy the old " I trust my significant other, I just don't trust the third party " It's the same as saying " I trust you, but I think you're too weak to resist anyone's advances "
d0nnivain Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 If your SO is on a diet Keenly, even if you think they have a great deal of willpower it's pretty rotten of you to come home with a great dessert & set it on the counter but expect them not to cheat on their diet. The concept is similar. Relationship cheating is clearly a mortal sin while cheating on your diet may only be a venial sin but avoiding temptation is generally the better practice. 2
GorillaTheater Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 To what end? When you go down this road you're paying the way to demand that any and all activities must be run by the girlfriend first, and if she says no then you can't go? I have a tough time buying into the "slipperly slope" argument. To me, expressing concerns about overnight camping with a couple of women is pretty reasonable, and I'm not suggesting a hard "no" from her. If she tells him she has misgivings about this, the choice is still his. If she doesn't like his choice, she's free to break off the relationship. We're a long ways from him asking her if he can go catch a game or go to the store, and if we ever do get that point, it's legit for him to break off the relationship. Consequences and free will go hand in hand pretty well. That's a terrible way to live. She already said she trusts him. I've never been one to buy the old " I trust my significant other, I just don't trust the third party " It's the same as saying " I trust you, but I think you're too weak to resist anyone's advances " Like I said, I don't really care about the trust factor. I trust my wife, but I'm not going to be cool, and I'm not going to pretend to be cool, with her going camping with a couple of guys. If she chooses to go anyways, there's going to be some tough consequences. 2
jen1447 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Apparently camping has become the mother of all compromising situations. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Apparently camping has become the mother of all compromising situations. I don't get the allure . .. sex in a tent. . . no thanks. 3
GorillaTheater Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 I don't get the allure . .. sex in a tent. . . no thanks. But sex outside by a campfire totally rocks.
writergal Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Apparently camping has become the mother of all compromising situations. It's fine for people who don't have boundaries I guess. But for those of us who do have relationship boundaries (i.e. the expectation for trust and fidelity), it's not ok for your significant other to go camping with someone of the opposite sex, especially if you can't be there.
writergal Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 But sex outside by a campfire totally rocks. Slathered in mosquito repellent while naked? Eww. No thanks. 1
central Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 My wife would wish me luck, and pack extra condoms and wet wipes.
Keenly Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 If your SO is on a diet Keenly, even if you think they have a great deal of willpower it's pretty rotten of you to come home with a great dessert & set it on the counter but expect them not to cheat on their diet. The concept is similar. Relationship cheating is clearly a mortal sin while cheating on your diet may only be a venial sin but avoiding temptation is generally the better practice. Not a linear analogy. It would become linear if my SO demanded I not eat the food because she is on a diet.
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