RoseyLife Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 i was on a marriage website and indicated i was very interested in a certain person. they indicated they were interested back practically right away. so i wrote to them and he wrote back a long hearty email saying i seemed very interesting and pretty and nice and would like to have a friendship with me. he also said they are engaged (to my disappointment) but his wife-to-be trusts them. i think he may have forgotten his profile was still on that website. does it sound like he may just be looking for an affair. if not what do u think it could be.
Scott S Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 I am assuming you have no desire to come between an engaged couple, correct? Strictly speaking, an engagement & a marriage are two different things. That notwithstanding, though, there is still an exclusivity with an engagement that would make certain types of relationships with others inappropriate. There is certainly no harm in a platonic friendship, of course. With a view to that, the onus would be on you to not allow any sort of friendship escalate beyond that. This is for your well-being. If he turns out to be having second thoughts, or wanting to have one last fling, this could put you in a position of being hurt later.
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 If the guy was devoted to his fiance and forgot that his profile was on there, he'd have taken his profile down as soon as he got your message and said "Oh man, I'm sorry - that is an old profile and I'm now engaged to be married, so I don't think this is a good idea. Sorry about that. Take care, ______." It sounds in this case, since he encouraged your advances and told you about his fiance he is letting you know that he isn't about to let something like an engagement get in the way of what you two can share. Not that he intends to drop the fiance or anything like that. I expect he feels that what he has with her and what he wants with you are two different things. This is how affairs start, usually. You'll continue to delude yourself into thinking that its harmless emailing and talking: 'just friends', and then when it gets flirty you'll think 'well, we aren't really doing anything, and then it will progress to a sincere exchange of emotions... until oops.. you slip and fall in love. Then its too late. Do you really think that an otherwise involved guy who advertises on a site for 'female friends' is really looking for genuine friendship? I guess its up to you. You have the opportunity to stop this right now by saying "I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you are engaged. I don't get involved with men who are spoken for. Take care, _____." The question is: do you really want to stop it?
Author RoseyLife Posted May 3, 2005 Author Posted May 3, 2005 lucrezia i think you may be very right. first i have never heard of an engagement being stopped especially one that is underway already for one year. also he is an indian man. i do not mean to stereotype but usually engagements (in their culture) are for real as in going to get married no matter what. he told me his wife's name. he was very respectful in his email and very honest. yet he was also honest with wanting a friendship since we both share a strong interest in poetry. but you are right, things may escalate, and considering i am a pretty attractive woman things probably would get worse (aka more tempting) for him if he were to see me and we were to meet.
MammaSays Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 This mans intentions seem a bit fuzzyy........ He's probly not satisfied with the engagemtn, otherwise whyd he take the time to respond with such a long email to you , as you said?? If a man wants a fling ,usually they want an easy no-strings-attached fling
castriani2000 Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 HES JUST LOOKING FOR A$$;; THATS THE WAY THEY ALL ARE
Author RoseyLife Posted May 3, 2005 Author Posted May 3, 2005 but he seems so sweet- it is so tempting to just say No i don't want to talk to you. especially after he wrote such a long sincere sweet email. he said he would send me his poetry if i send him mine ; we both love the same poets. is a pen-pal thing risking too much here? would i really be getting in the way between him and his fiancee?
60sdreamgirl Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 hey girl, its very likely he's not satisfied with the marriage and it may have been arranged. if he's got morals and know u have too, he may honestly not wanting to "lose" out on you. i'm not sayin here that he's gonna dump his fiancee for you, because he obvi needs to get to know u more first, hence the "let's be friends" attitude he is takin. as far as dumping fiancees goes, not my area of expertise, dont know much about the frequency of that at all
Merin Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 Originally posted by RoseyLife i was on a marriage website and indicated i was very interested in a certain person. they indicated they were interested back practically right away. so i wrote to them and he wrote back a long hearty email saying i seemed very interesting and pretty and nice and would like to have a friendship with me. he also said they are engaged (to my disappointment) but his wife-to-be trusts them. i think he may have forgotten his profile was still on that website. does it sound like he may just be looking for an affair. if not what do u think it could be. I'm confused here... You were on a MARRIAGE Website? Whats that? Is this a site where people who want to get married go or is this a site where the people are already married?
Author RoseyLife Posted May 4, 2005 Author Posted May 4, 2005 60sdream girl do u think it is a common thing?
Author RoseyLife Posted May 4, 2005 Author Posted May 4, 2005 merin it is a site where people go to find a marriage partner. basically I would also like to let you know that last November I visited India and i got engaged and you will be surprised that It was an absolutely ONLINE affair. I hope this should not affect our prospects of becoming good friends. that's what he said in his very long and nice email also he said that the email i sent him leaves no doubt about the kind of person you are..a loving, caring friend who cannot be missed out. I would love it if we can be goodfriends, and my fiancee has a lot of faith in me & she would definitely does not mind me making friends. so, you can call me at....
Merin Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 Originally posted by RoseyLife merin it is a site where people go to find a marriage partner. basically that's what he said in his very long and nice email also he said that the email i sent him Ohhhh.. Thanks for clearing that up for me Well with that bit of 411.. My advice is to find someone else you share common interest(s) with... IMO IF you were visiting a website where people go to find a Marriage Partner then it would indicate to me that while the 2 of you may share the same goal in getting married... he's obviously already found someone else to attain that with and it isn't you. IF you had gone to a site where people just wanted to exchange poetry and email one another as Friends.. then good to go.. but that isn't the case here. Seems you're looking for a relationship that could lead to Marriage (again otherwise why would you go to this site) So keep looking on this site if you wish... I'm sure there are other Guys that are registered there that aren't already Married or Engaged to someone else that you can find common interest(s) with... *Merins Metaphor.. stand the hell by* Wouldn't this be like going to the grocery store because you really and I mean really want some Nesquick chocolate Milk... you reach for the Milk ONLY TO FIND OUT the date on the Milk has expired... you look around and there isn't another Nesquick to be found... so now you're forced to decide to either buy Milk that tastes like sh*t and could make you sick worse than that you're still gonna have to pay for it... OR do you say screw it and buy the Hershy's Chocolate Milk... yeah it doesn't have the slammin bunny on the carton but still.... it's chocolate milk right?and you might like it if you try it... OR do you say the hell with it all and go to another store that might have exactly what you're looking for minus the expired date... LOL Yay for the end of the work day! Sorry.. I hope that made some sense!
Author RoseyLife Posted May 4, 2005 Author Posted May 4, 2005 merin what does "IMO" mean. also i really like your analogy wow really perfect but to add a little. he has offered to cook me food and chat but i am hesitant. after all he is getting married and i am wary that he is going to give up his engagement to start a relationship with someone new. he said he really respects how i am family oriented and a good person with morals. but that he doesnt want to "miss out on this friendship." is there a hidden meaning there is he considering me as more than a friend by saying this and from what i posted above in his email
d'Arthez Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 IMO = In My Opinion IMHO = In My Honest / Humble Opinion
Merin Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 Originally posted by RoseyLife merin what does "IMO" mean. also i really like your analogy wow really perfect but to add a little. he has offered to cook me food and chat but i am hesitant. after all he is getting married and i am wary that he is going to give up his engagement to start a relationship with someone new. he said he really respects how i am family oriented and a good person with morals. but that he doesnt want to "miss out on this friendship." is there a hidden meaning there is he considering me as more than a friend by saying this and from what i posted above in his email I say don't drink sour Milk! LOL for real... you can do better than this okay!? This Guy is already in a relationship and it isn't with you... You're looking for a relationship and he isn't available for the kind of relationship YOU want... so at this point IMO it really doesn't matter what HE wants... he's not available to be in a relationship with you. Keep looking sister!
Author RoseyLife Posted May 4, 2005 Author Posted May 4, 2005 do you suggest a nice way to say this to him? he wrote such a long email and put so much effort into it, that i feel bad....
Merin Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 Originally posted by RoseyLife do you suggest a nice way to say this to him? he wrote such a long email and put so much effort into it, that i feel bad.... Yeah... Tell him that you had visited the Marriage Website to meet someone who is available for possible Marriage... that while you appreciate his email and interest in Friendship it simply isn't what you're looking for. You don't owe him more than that I don't care if he wrote 100 words and did a spell check on it... He's engaged to be married... he is being deceptive in keeping an active profile on a seeking marriage website and because he feels flattered that you took notice of him he's keeping it going... this isn't fair to you and IMO it isn't fair to his Fiancee'... I would for real be kicking My Man's a** if he STILL had an active profile on a site like this... and he says she trusts him... You can and will find someone better
Scott S Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 Originally posted by RoseyLife [sNIP] he has offered to cook me food and chat but i am hesitant. after all he is getting married and i am wary that he is going to give up his engagement to start a relationship with someone new. he said he really respects how i am family oriented and a good person with morals. but that he doesnt want to "miss out on this friendship." is there a hidden meaning there is he considering me as more than a friend by saying this and from what i posted above in his email Ancient Klingon proverb - Always Trust Your Instincts! I do sense an ulterior motive, and an attempt to sugar-coat it. This smells of something that could leave innocent people hurt. Especially you! My advice is to keep him at arm's length. Like an orangutan's arms.
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