He says he loves me as a friend now

[techi14]

Hello,

I need some advises. Sorry if I misspell something; English is not my first language.

I have been dating this guy for 7 months and it has been a LDR for only one.

Since I realized he was moving out of town ( in March of this year) I got terribly scared. I have an anxiety problem (recently diagnosed) and I guess that was making me pick up several and ridiculous fights. We had good times together, but we have had horrible nights due to my fears.

As I mentioned before, he has only moved a month ago and it has been very difficult for us.

we have had very strong fights and I got a very bad panic attack on April 29th.

He got very scared about it to the point that he tried to contact people that were in my same town to help me.

After that week, I started attending more counseling sessions and even taking supplements that could help me control my anxiety problems, but I fear it is too late.

We saw each other on July 4th weekend and I felt he was different. We hardly kiss or touch and at some point when I asked him if he missed having sex, he only replied, " I guess"

I didn't tell him anything that weekend because I thought it was my fear playing tricks on me.

However, it wasn't. Three days after that weekend he called me and said that he is in a funk and he doesn't feel passion for me anymore.

he said that he started feeling like that after that weekend in which I had a panic attack. He said that he feels that he only loves me as a friend now.

I asked him if he wanted to break up or not. And he said he wants to wait because maybe is something momentary.

I feel very sad about it. I have to take responsibility for taking my relationship to this point. It is my fault. I should have search for professional help before and do not let this hurts us.

 

He is on a family trip since Friday (7/10) . Friday afternoon he texted pictures through facebook. He always does that no matter where he goes. After that he hasn't communicate at all. I sent him a message on Sunday and he replied very cold ( not even as friend) and he told me to not worry about not chatting, that connection is very bad in Yosemite (California) and he is having a great time. I have seen he is getting online periodically, but not talking to me.

I feel hanging on a string right now and trust me it is not a very good feeling.

What should I do?

Does this mean that this is over?

I don't know what to do right now. I don't know if I should let him go since nobody should be in a relationship without passion. Or should I wait and hope with all my heart that can love me as much as I do?

 

Thank you in advance

Techi

[d0nnivain]

Not everybody is cut out for an LDR. It seems like your relationship is going to become a casualty of the distance. I'm sorry & I know that hurts but it might be for the best. LDRs are hard. They take a great deal of trust & they stir up anxiety in the calmest of people.

 

Perhaps, think o fit as fun while it lasted, you are both victims of circumstances & let it go. The sooner you begin to heal the sooner you will be able to move forward with a healthy local relationship.

 

It's not anything either of you did wrong. It is just one of those things.

[justwhoiam]

He is on a family trip since Friday (7/10)

[...]

he told me to not worry about not chatting, that connection is very bad in Yosemite (California)

How far will you be from one another when he's back from this trip?

For how long would you be in different areas?

 

What should I do?

I think he started having second thoughts about being with you, because of your issues. The honeymoon phase was over too soon, you were together less than a year.

If I were you, I would start detaching from him. He needs to want you, and now he doesn't. Let him miss you. Stop reaching out to him. Go on with your therapy. In the meantime, let him contact you. If that gets random and quite cold, pick up the phone, call him, and tell him it's clear he doesn't want a relationship with you anymore, that you are extremely sorry about that and that he didn't believe in the relationship enough, and that he's free, because you don't feel like being strung along. You say bye bye nicely and hang up.

 

If he will miss you, if he still loves you and thinks you're still good for him, he will be back, and then he'll have to win you over again. If he won't be back, you'll know he was not for you.

[privategal]

Speaking from experience moving is hard, when your the one moving away you need to know your friends and loved ones are going to be strong, stay the same for you.

I think guys hate drama and a lot of confusion.

They like easy, status quo, reliable and confident.

He wont want to feel like he is your whole world, he cant be there to carry you.

Whe he thinks of you back home he feels heavy...in addition to the anxiety HE feels moving away...he also feels excitement and new hope and wants things to be good...and happy.

I think what your going through made him feel it was too much.

He wants to be free and light and happy.

Im sorry your experiences have been rough...anxiety is real and you dont need to feel bad or guilty or apologize.

But...at this time...STOP texting and calling...at all.

Let him go right now.

Gather yourself and put your health first.

Deep down u feel abandoned.

But in a peaceful healthy way in your heart...know that what is meant to be will always be no matter what.

So just keep your emotions in check, relax, make new friends and experiences and give yourselves a break from eachother.

Let it work out or not.

Keep your dignity by not trying to hold on or force conversations.

He said no passion...he said your a friend.

Dont go off the deep end.

Take that at face value...believe him...and begin to calmly slowly let that settle and it hurts but you gotta let go right now.

No chasing. NONE.

If its meant to be...no matter what you do....it will be.

If its not...the same is true.

Stay calm and quiet.

Space is needed.

[Morro72]

In my experience. "loves you as a friend" in the context of an LDR means "found someone new." Maybe there are exceptions.