Jrdinvt Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 After an amazing divorce following a not so amazing marriage, I am back on the market. I have been doing so many things by myself and finding the person I once was...it's been amazing! I feel like my wings have been put back on my shoulders! (For those who are interested in reading my divorce thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/497493-so-many-questions-over-should-i-end With that healthy centering of myself continuing, I ended up heading out on my first date and I leaned so many things, but here are the top few: 1) We carry way more baggage than we used to...or so it seems. More history than when I was young, single, and had no children. Everyone has a "story". 2) Don't try too hard - it's a sea of people in the same situation. 3) Don't settle or sacrifice personal feelings/desires/dreams. 4) Red flags - watch for them. Not only what's said, but what's not said. I felt like I was on a job interview for my first date, maybe they are all like this? I guess I like a good balance of small talk and deeper questions. I am pretty great guy with many things to offer (honestly, not trying to sound like a narcissistic ass) but when I speak of them I try to keep it very watered down and humble. For this date, we clicked online and with chat, but not in person. Attraction is important to me, physical/mental/emotional. Now to just balance the feeling of loneliness and selectivity...harder than I thought it would be...
smackie9 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 The older you get, the more you know what you are looking for.....that's why it feels like a job interview....no one wants to waste anyone's time including their own. Just have fun and relax. Let things happen organically....we all have what we want in mind but don't let expectations ruin a goodtime.
Mrin Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Hey man! Congrats and welcome to the rest of your life. We all have our own paths that find post divorce and some of your nuggets are 24 karat. I guess the one for me that was the biggest "find" was just learning how to "be" with a person. Whether it was a first date or a 25th date. To just "be" with a woman. Live in the present. Enjoy their company. Mutually explore all sorts of good stuff - love, lust, friendship all that - but do it without any expectations or trying to fit the person into a specific role (or you fill a specific role with that person). I once used this analogy with my girlfriend after our second date. Dating at this stage in your life is like blowing bubbles. Some are small. Some pop before ever being fully formed. Some are nice. They're all fun to make in their own way. You can blow really hard and make a ton of small bubbles. Or you can blow slow and try to make a huge bubble - which usually bursts before ever leaving the wand. Or you can just blow and sometimes, when you just blow you make a bubble that is just the right size. Big but not so big that it crashes to the ground. Round. Shimmering. And when you blow a bubble like that what do you do? You put the wand down and admire the bubble. You don't worry about how long it will last. You just enjoy it. You might even give it a gentle puff of air send it aloft or send it on its way. But you just enjoy it for what it is. To me that's like dating. Enjoy it for what it is because it is what it is and it ain't what it ain't. Good luck!
Author Jrdinvt Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 Some great advice Smackie9 and Mrin. Perhaps I am trying too hard - less drag strip and more country drive. I can do that! It's an odd feeling, and I am sure it will become more natural - I love the bubble analogy - it seems to fit pretty well. It seems most my "dating" will begin online as I live it a pretty small community, so I will just take it as it comes. Great advice - thanks again!
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