ptopes Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 My ex and I broke up about 3.5 months ago, and we dated for a little over a year. He broke up with me because we fought a lot. I was his longest relationship, being as his other relationships lasted only 2 weeks. We didn't talk at all for about 2 months. We do have mutual friends so we have started running into each other every other Friday night at a local bar. Recently, my ex has come to the bar and started hanging around the corner of the bar that I do. What confuses me is that his best friend will also show up to the bar, yet my ex spends the majority of the night around my corner rather than with his best friend. And the friends I hang out with at the bar, although are mutual friends with him, barely ever talk to him so I have no clue why he would rather hang out with me and them and not his own group. I still love him, clearly, since I still talk about it, but it doesn't make sense. Even when he is around me, he always jumps in to make a comment on whatever I say. A friend was sitting on my lap one time Andrade a comment on how I was comfortable to sit on, and my ex was like "oh yeah she's comfortable, isn't she?" It's remarks like that which make me confused. Yes, he could just be being friendly. I just don't see ex's being this friendly when we still don't talk at all other than bar meet ups. Amy advice on why he's like this would be great. Thank you.
PegNosePete Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Maybe you should draw a line in the bar? Tell him to stick to his side and you to yours? Or you could ask him.
RaRa89 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 You only broke up because you argued a lot, I presume you both still had feelings for each other. In that instance I would rather not hang out with my ex, because I would end up getting back with him and then regretting it when all the old problems start creeping in again. He needs to accept it's over and not spend anytime hanging around you. If he won't move, you will need to. Saying that, if you can cope with him hanging around you and not get sucked back in, then go for it. It doesn't matter what he feels if you are capable of moving on dispute his presence in your life.
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Next time he makes a stupid comment, yell at him, "Hey pal! You broke up with me, remember? Now shove off and get a life and quit hanging around me!" he's goading you and keeping your interest up. he's being juvenile, immature and idiotic. I bet neither of you have hit the 25 mark.... You need to remind him you are no longer in a relationship, so you really don't need him hanging around you any more. 1
Author ptopes Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 It just sucks because he broke up with me and claimed he had no more feelings for me. I'm scared with confronting him because I'm scared he'll reject me :/
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 It just sucks because he broke up with me and claimed he had no more feelings for me. I'm scared with confronting him because I'm scared he'll reject me :/ Er...He's already rejected you. He dumped you, remember? He's just being an idiot and keeping you dangling. he's throwing you 'breadcrumbs' and stopping you from moving on. Don't be so desperate that you would settle for someone who treats you this way IN PUBLIC. He's being crass, disrespectful and belittling you. And you're scared he'll 'reject' you? What do you think he's doing, trying to woo you? Think again! 1
Author ptopes Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 I guess a part of me doesn't want to necessarily get back with him. I think maybe deep down I just want to prove his "no feelings" reason was bull****. I don't know. I'm confused and lost. I just don't see now someone who doesn't have feelings could act this way
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Because he's convinced himself that he never loved you and has converted that Love into contempt. It's a very fine line between Love' and 'hate'. He's manifesting 'hate' because it's easier than admitting to anything else. Look at all those high-profile, messy, bitching divorces aired in public. The vitriol, the insults the nastiness.... those people 'loved' one another once, too. In fact, Love can transform into hate at the flick of a switch....
PegNosePete Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 I'm scared with confronting him because I'm scared he'll reject me :/ What? Reject you how? You're having a serious discussion, not asking him out to the prom. If he "rejects" a polite chat then tell him to go to hell and stop hanging around you like a lost puppy dog.
Author ptopes Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 That's true. Thank you for your advice. I was hoping that over time he would realize he still has feelings. He doesn't seem to hate me or anything :/
Author ptopes Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 Haha yeah, I'm just scared he'll reject hanging out or reject the possibility of reconciliation
PegNosePete Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Haha yeah, I'm just scared he'll reject hanging out or reject the possibility of reconciliation Do you want those things? If so then it would make sense to have a frank and honest conversation with him. At least you will know where you stand. Being rejected is better than being in limbo.
aloneinaz Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Why not hang out at places he doesn't frequent so you don't have to deal with this drama in the first place?
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