bumbl3bee Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Hi there, I am just looking for some advice. Preferably from guys as well as girls (so I can get some perspective). I'll make it as short as I can! I was with my ex for about a year and a half. I broke things off with him 6 weeks ago as I felt that he was making hardly any effort and didn't seem to value me any more. He started to never want to make plans to see each other at weekends (we were LDR) and put his friends before me. I still loved him but wanted to get out before I got more hurt. After this, my ex contacted me intermittently to tell me he missed me and he wanted to work things out and that he had changed. He text me more and more frequently and after about a month I caved (stupid I know) and agreed to meet up with him for a weekend. He was playing hot and was eager to try again with the relationship, trying to show me how much he cared. We slept together. Everything seemed great. He wanted to meet me the next weekend (again seeming really keen to get things back on track). We had an emotional goodbye and he text me saying he missed me already on the train. Now here is where things go wrong....up until this point I felt like I was the one in control, but clearly this was about to change. I found out he had been on tinder at the weekend whilst I was with him. Obviously, I got upset about this and asked him about it. He said he "couldn't be bothered to talk to those girls if he still had a chance with me". I told him I wanted to keep seeing each other and see how things went. But then I found he was still going on the app multiple times a day. Seemed like he wanted to have his cake and eat it too. After this he starts backing off from me, going very cold where he had been hot before - never texting me and when he does it's short and not sweet. Now I haven't heard from him in several days and I'm wishing I'd stuck to my guns and never ever gone to see him in the first place. I feel like crap as I've put myself out there and made myself vunerable thinking he was serious about giving us another go...now it just feels like a game that he wanted to win i.e. get her to fall for me again and then I can be the one that does the rejecting. Feel like I've been played. Sorry for the rant, I just wanted some advice...why do guys go cold like this as soon as you waver and show a bit of interest?
casey.lives Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 exes are supposed to become cold. helllloooooooooooooo 2
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Hi there, I am just looking for some advice. Preferably from guys as well as girls (so I can get some perspective). I'll make it as short as I can! I was with my ex for about a year and a half. I broke things off with him 6 weeks ago as I felt that he was making hardly any effort and didn't seem to value me any more. He started to never want to make plans to see each other at weekends (we were LDR) and put his friends before me. I still loved him but wanted to get out before I got more hurt. After this, my ex contacted me intermittently to tell me he missed me and he wanted to work things out and that he had changed. He text me more and more frequently and after about a month I caved (stupid I know) and agreed to meet up with him for a weekend. He was playing hot and was eager to try again with the relationship, trying to show me how much he cared. We slept together. Everything seemed great. He wanted to meet me the next weekend (again seeming really keen to get things back on track). We had an emotional goodbye and he text me saying he missed me already on the train. Now here is where things go wrong....up until this point I felt like I was the one in control, but clearly this was about to change. I found out he had been on tinder at the weekend whilst I was with him. Obviously, I got upset about this and asked him about it. He said he "couldn't be bothered to talk to those girls if he still had a chance with me". I told him I wanted to keep seeing each other and see how things went. But then I found he was still going on the app multiple times a day. Seemed like he wanted to have his cake and eat it too. After this he starts backing off from me, going very cold where he had been hot before - never texting me and when he does it's short and not sweet. Now I haven't heard from him in several days and I'm wishing I'd stuck to my guns and never ever gone to see him in the first place. I feel like crap as I've put myself out there and made myself vunerable thinking he was serious about giving us another go...now it just feels like a game that he wanted to win i.e. get her to fall for me again and then I can be the one that does the rejecting. Feel like I've been played. Sorry for the rant, I just wanted some advice...why do guys go cold like this as soon as you waver and show a bit of interest? You dumped him. you have permitted him to manipulate you. Here's your choice. Stick with him the two-timing cheating player, and put up with it because you now know what the deal is, and you can't gripe about being kept in the dark - OR - Cut off all contact. That's what dumpers should do. You can't dump someone, have nothing to do with them yet still have them in your life, and able to play games with you. if you dump him - dump him. Abandon all and any hope of continued contact, friendship, honesty, clarity, fidelity and move on. Block, delete, deny ignore, vanquish and leave it all behind. 1
Author bumbl3bee Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 Thank you for that, I really needed to hear it! Guess I was just afraid to let go fully.
RaRa89 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Please cut him out of your life and find someone decent and closer to home. You won't look back, trust me!! It takes time to move on but when you do, and you have a decent guy, you'll think you we're crazy for ever being with him. Ex's are ex's for a reason! x 1
Author bumbl3bee Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 Thank you for all the motivating words! I know I've let him get into my head and that's the problem, what an idiot! I'll keep hoping for next time 1
frigginlost Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 You dumped him. you have permitted him to manipulate you. Here's your choice. Stick with him the two-timing cheating player, and put up with it because you now know what the deal is, and you can't gripe about being kept in the dark - OR - Cut off all contact. That's what dumpers should do. You can't dump someone, have nothing to do with them yet still have them in your life, and able to play games with you. if you dump him - dump him. Abandon all and any hope of continued contact, friendship, honesty, clarity, fidelity and move on. Block, delete, deny ignore, vanquish and leave it all behind. Um, what? How is he a cheating player if she dumped him?
dumbass2 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Even at 6 weeks it's too soon after a break up for someone to change. If there's a big enough issue that it making you think about breaking up, then the time to talk and try to work things out is while you are still in the relationship. Once you break it off, that relationship is dead and you should both move forward. The dumpee never fully forgets that day when you told them that you don't want to see them any more and it's over. Another thing is that based on what you have said, he may have been wanting out of the relationship as well and you were just the one to end it. Now you both may miss each others companionship, but do you really think there is/was possibility for a long term future there?
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Um, what? How is he a cheating player if she dumped him? He was cheating on her when she gave him a chance and went back to him... I found out he had been on tinder at the weekend whilst I was with him. Obviously, I got upset about this and asked him about it. He said he "couldn't be bothered to talk to those girls if he still had a chance with me". I told him I wanted to keep seeing each other and see how things went. But then I found he was still going on the app multiple times a day. Seemed like he wanted to have his cake and eat it too. After this he starts backing off from me, going very cold where he had been hot before - never texting me and when he does it's short and not sweet. Now I haven't heard from him in several days and I'm wishing I'd stuck to my guns and never ever gone to see him in the first place. Chances are, if she plays his game, she's going to find he will CARRY ON seeking other female company on Tinder and whatnot...
BriNyc82 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Is it possible he wanted to end it on HIS terms? Pride thing maybe.
Zapbasket Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 How do you know his Tinder habits? Were/are you on Tinder, too?
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