epigineer Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Hi all, I have a question that needs to get off my chest. I am a software engineer in early of my career (3 years). As a typical engineer, I know that I am often clueless in many social interactions, and try to figure out how approach/deal with them in the best ways. Usually, Google served me well in figuring out the ways, but a recent event really puzzled me. Story time: After the 4th July long weekend, I had a 1:1 meeting with my manager. I only joined the current company recently, and am still new with this manager. The overall opinion of my team-mates is that he is one of the best managers, many female teammates consider him a "model gentleman". In that meeting, after going through work updates, we had some small talks. When I asked what he did in the long weekend, and if he did something with his kids. He casually revealed that his kids went with their moms, and he actually went to Las Vegas "with his girlfriend". This is a surprise to me. I knew that my manager had kids from my interview for the current position, and assumed he is married. I proceeded to ask him about his trip, and totally avoided asking about relationship with his girlfriend. Since that meeting, I keep wondering if I handle the situation too safe (or even wrong), and miss a chance of getting to know my manager better as a person. I have no problem about people getting divorced/separated and never judge divorcees because "**** happens". It is just rare in my social circles (Catholic-heavy family) and I guess I'm not well-prepared when someone that I knows directly is one of those. How do you handle when your coworkers mention about their family situation? Sometimes, looking back, I feel that if my manager mentioned going "with his girlfriend", he is so ready to talk about that. It is just weird for me to not asking him about his girlfriend, as normally I would if someone (usually younger) reveals that he has a girlfriend. In some cases, me avoiding that topic can give the impression that I'm judging him. TL;DR: Manager, previously known having kids, revealed he is separated/divorced. Avoid touching that issue entirely. Need advice for handling it better.
casey.lives Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 stay professional. unless he wants to disclose don't engage in personal details. one day people feel comfortable and the next they don't .. family matters make people too vulnerable in work space.. and they may regret and turn on you for simply knowing too much. cover your ass 2
Author epigineer Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 Thanks, Casey. Yep, I stayed professional and avoided touching that topic. I just wondered if I don't ask, how can he proceed to disclose? Sometimes, people need to vent, only if someone can ask the right question.
casey.lives Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 don't worry about him. worry about our job. if he needs to talk.. he'll do what most guys do... hit the bar and talk to the bartender. 1
Banker Chick Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 I think you did fine. I'm not one to talk much about my private life to my co-workers and don't like it when I perceive people as trying to pry. I think it was nice for you to exchange small chit chat and nothing else was required. I agree with Casey that if he needs someone to talk to he should find that person elsewhere. If he did expect you to ask more that would be very inappropriate, especially given you haven't known him for that long. 2
AppleKakes Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 I think you handled it well and that neither you nor your boss were in the wrong. Thing is, hang around people long enough and stuff comes out. And quite frankly, it's not like he revealed to you his family's deepest, darkest secrets. You asked about his weekend and he responded. I mean, what is there to hide? If one day there's a company function, then yep, you're gonna probably have no choice "but" to meet the girlfriend. That's why I stay quiet and keep to myself a lot. Cuz, the less I talk - the better. And, if I hold back, don't want them to start getting nosy - cuz I run across that a lot - even with neighbors. Something about a quiet person that peeks interest/nosy from others. Now, lemme tell ya...years ago like our boss, boss came to a formal dinner with some woman you could tell was half his age, and we all knew his wife and kids...Awkward...Eh, but then again, he was a gym rat who drove a Porsche...so, is anyone surprised on his lack of character?
Author epigineer Posted July 16, 2015 Author Posted July 16, 2015 Thank you all for your replies. Now I feel better that I chose to stay professional.
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