diydx2 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Hi! This is going to be incredibly long-winded, but please bear with me. I've been dating this guy for 2 months and things are going well but he's a little confusing. I'm not sure if he wants a relationship or not. When we first started dating I made it clear to him that I WAS looking for a relationship and he didn't make any objections. We're still dating so I assume he's on board with that. He (mostly) acts like he wants a relationship but then there's this one red flag (I'm just going to talk about some of the things he does first): - HE was the one who brought up exclusivity. I was still going on dates with other people when we first got together and he wasn't dating anyone. He expressed that he was feeling mildly jealous about my other dates and asked that I only see him. - He's consistent about texting and calling (yes, he actually calls). He usually contacts me first, just to ask how I am or tell me he's thinking about me. And when he misses one of my calls he calls back the first opportunity he gets, or texts me to let me know when he'll be available to talk. - When we spend time together it's quality time, not just sexy time. We talk about our lives and open up to each other about a lot of things. He's interested in getting to know me and asks questions. He also wants me to know him, so he shares about himself as well. Also, we actually go out and do fun stuff together, during the daytime. lol Some days we don't have sex at all and we still enjoy each other's company. - Idk if this is TMI, but our sex is super intimate and full of good communication. We're 100% comfortable and there's lots of eye contact and he ALWAYS makes sure I cum. It's not just about him. *sorry, but it's important to mention! lol* - He respects my time. He's never late for our dates, he schedules in advance, cancels in advance if he has to, and always lets me know what his schedule is like. - He's emotionally supportive, like he's already my boyfriend. He isn't awkward about anything. I can talk to him about anything and he doesn't get freaked out. I can be on my period and crying about absolutely nothing and he'll still listen and try to help me through it. I feel comfortable expressing my feelings about him TO him because he doesn't have that "eww, feelings!" attitude a lot of guys have. In turn, he's not too cool to tell me he misses me or let me know how much he likes me. - He's sentimental. He'll do anything to make me smile. He'll remember things I said I liked WEEKS ago and get them/do them for me. For example, he kept and dried the first rose he ever got me. I'D forgotten about it but HE felt it was important to keep. - He's protective of me when we're in public and makes sure every man around who's looking at me knows I'm with HIM. ... Ok, so all of this sounds great, right? Well here's where it gets a little weird for me (and it's only this one thing, but it's a big red flag): NOT A SINGLE PERSON IN HIS LIFE KNOWS I EXIST. We've been dating for 2 months and he hasn't told anyone. Nor has he expressed any interest in meeting my friends. He actually avoids situations in which we might meet each other's friends. He hasn't added/followed me on any social media and he won't take pictures with me. He takes pictures of our dates and posts them on his social media but we're not in them (he'll post a picture of the concert we're at or the outside of the restaurant we're in) and he doesn't mention me. I'm pretty sure it's not because he's trying to "keep his options open" because he works a lot and when he's not at work he's usually with me. He literally doesn't have time to juggle multiple women. Can anyone explain what's going on?!
madjac74 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Regarding all the great stuff about your relationship...you are in the 6 month courting period. That is where the guy is going to be super amazing and try to do everything right and be Mr sensitive. Try crying during your period after a year of dating and see if his eyes roll. Anyhoo...Do you know he isn't married or isn't dating other people?
lollipopspot Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Can anyone explain what's going on?! What does he say when you ask him about it?
yxalitis Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Hi! This is going to be incredibly long-winded, but please bear with me. I've been dating this guy for 2 months and things are going well but he's a little confusing. I'm not sure if he wants a relationship or not. When we first started dating I made it clear to him that I WAS looking for a relationship and he didn't make any objections. We're still dating so I assume he's on board with that. He (mostly) acts like he wants a relationship but then there's this one red flag (I'm just going to talk about some of the things he does first): - HE was the one who brought up exclusivity. I was still going on dates with other people when we first got together and he wasn't dating anyone. He expressed that he was feeling mildly jealous about my other dates and asked that I only see him. - He's consistent about texting and calling (yes, he actually calls). He usually contacts me first, just to ask how I am or tell me he's thinking about me. And when he misses one of my calls he calls back the first opportunity he gets, or texts me to let me know when he'll be available to talk. - When we spend time together it's quality time, not just sexy time. We talk about our lives and open up to each other about a lot of things. He's interested in getting to know me and asks questions. He also wants me to know him, so he shares about himself as well. Also, we actually go out and do fun stuff together, during the daytime. lol Some days we don't have sex at all and we still enjoy each other's company. - Idk if this is TMI, but our sex is super intimate and full of good communication. We're 100% comfortable and there's lots of eye contact and he ALWAYS makes sure I cum. It's not just about him. *sorry, but it's important to mention! lol* - He respects my time. He's never late for our dates, he schedules in advance, cancels in advance if he has to, and always lets me know what his schedule is like. - He's emotionally supportive, like he's already my boyfriend. He isn't awkward about anything. I can talk to him about anything and he doesn't get freaked out. I can be on my period and crying about absolutely nothing and he'll still listen and try to help me through it. I feel comfortable expressing my feelings about him TO him because he doesn't have that "eww, feelings!" attitude a lot of guys have. In turn, he's not too cool to tell me he misses me or let me know how much he likes me. - He's sentimental. He'll do anything to make me smile. He'll remember things I said I liked WEEKS ago and get them/do them for me. For example, he kept and dried the first rose he ever got me. I'D forgotten about it but HE felt it was important to keep. - He's protective of me when we're in public and makes sure every man around who's looking at me knows I'm with HIM. ... Ok, so all of this sounds great, right? Well here's where it gets a little weird for me (and it's only this one thing, but it's a big red flag): NOT A SINGLE PERSON IN HIS LIFE KNOWS I EXIST. We've been dating for 2 months and he hasn't told anyone. Nor has he expressed any interest in meeting my friends. He actually avoids situations in which we might meet each other's friends. He hasn't added/followed me on any social media and he won't take pictures with me. He takes pictures of our dates and posts them on his social media but we're not in them (he'll post a picture of the concert we're at or the outside of the restaurant we're in) and he doesn't mention me. I'm pretty sure it's not because he's trying to "keep his options open" because he works a lot and when he's not at work he's usually with me. He literally doesn't have time to juggle multiple women. Can anyone explain what's going on?! Definitely pointing at being in another relationship...
casey.lives Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 after having experienced failed relationships, i won't be introducing people to m family until the 6 month period. right now it's time for him to get to know you..not everyone else... And for you to get to know him...not his entourage. he sounds careful
Author diydx2 Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 At first when I asked he'd say "soon, when it feels right". Time went by and then I just stopped asking because I didn't want to bug him about it.
Author diydx2 Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 The not introducing me yet part makes total sense, but he hasn't even mentioned me. I'd understand if he was like "I met someone. Maybe you'll get to meet her in a few months if it works out", but there's not even that.
Author diydx2 Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 I do know that he isn't married or seeing anyone because he lives alone and I'm at his place all the time. When I'm not there, he's here. When we're not together he's at work or with friends. And while he won't add me on social media, he doesn't hide his from me. I can see what he posts and who talks to him. If he IS married somehow she's no where to be found and they don't speak.
Redhead14 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Hi! This is going to be incredibly long-winded, but please bear with me. I've been dating this guy for 2 months and things are going well but he's a little confusing. I'm not sure if he wants a relationship or not. When we first started dating I made it clear to him that I WAS looking for a relationship and he didn't make any objections. We're still dating so I assume he's on board with that. He (mostly) acts like he wants a relationship but then there's this one red flag (I'm just going to talk about some of the things he does first): - HE was the one who brought up exclusivity. I was still going on dates with other people when we first got together and he wasn't dating anyone. He expressed that he was feeling mildly jealous about my other dates and asked that I only see him. - He's consistent about texting and calling (yes, he actually calls). He usually contacts me first, just to ask how I am or tell me he's thinking about me. And when he misses one of my calls he calls back the first opportunity he gets, or texts me to let me know when he'll be available to talk. - When we spend time together it's quality time, not just sexy time. We talk about our lives and open up to each other about a lot of things. He's interested in getting to know me and asks questions. He also wants me to know him, so he shares about himself as well. Also, we actually go out and do fun stuff together, during the daytime. lol Some days we don't have sex at all and we still enjoy each other's company. - Idk if this is TMI, but our sex is super intimate and full of good communication. We're 100% comfortable and there's lots of eye contact and he ALWAYS makes sure I cum. It's not just about him. *sorry, but it's important to mention! lol* - He respects my time. He's never late for our dates, he schedules in advance, cancels in advance if he has to, and always lets me know what his schedule is like. - He's emotionally supportive, like he's already my boyfriend. He isn't awkward about anything. I can talk to him about anything and he doesn't get freaked out. I can be on my period and crying about absolutely nothing and he'll still listen and try to help me through it. I feel comfortable expressing my feelings about him TO him because he doesn't have that "eww, feelings!" attitude a lot of guys have. In turn, he's not too cool to tell me he misses me or let me know how much he likes me. - He's sentimental. He'll do anything to make me smile. He'll remember things I said I liked WEEKS ago and get them/do them for me. For example, he kept and dried the first rose he ever got me. I'D forgotten about it but HE felt it was important to keep. - He's protective of me when we're in public and makes sure every man around who's looking at me knows I'm with HIM. ... Ok, so all of this sounds great, right? Well here's where it gets a little weird for me (and it's only this one thing, but it's a big red flag): NOT A SINGLE PERSON IN HIS LIFE KNOWS I EXIST. We've been dating for 2 months and he hasn't told anyone. Nor has he expressed any interest in meeting my friends. He actually avoids situations in which we might meet each other's friends. He hasn't added/followed me on any social media and he won't take pictures with me. He takes pictures of our dates and posts them on his social media but we're not in them (he'll post a picture of the concert we're at or the outside of the restaurant we're in) and he doesn't mention me. I'm pretty sure it's not because he's trying to "keep his options open" because he works a lot and when he's not at work he's usually with me. He literally doesn't have time to juggle multiple women. Can anyone explain what's going on?! he didn't make any objections. We're still dating so I assume -- Never assume. If they don't make it clear, continue to observe and and manage your emotions and expectations. This is very early in the dating scenario. You should not be having any expectations beyond scheduling proper dates and keeping them and consistent communication and quality communication. He should be respecting you, of course. It's a little too soon to be meeting friends and/or family. Those people become influential and cause a person to be less objective about the partner they are dating. So I don't think this is a big deal right now. He's emotionally supportive, like he's already my boyfriend. -- You shouldn't be seeking comfort from him really. Sure, he should be sympathetic, but not a shoulder to cry on yet. You're not at that stage yet. Yes, he brought up exclusivity and that's good. But he asked that you only see him. Did he tell you that he'd only date you or did he just leave that hanging? There is such a thing as a Quality Casual Guy. They do everything right and treat you like a girlfriend until . . . they don't. Until they stop communicating consistently, setting up date, cancel often, etc. To me, from what's written here, he's left two significant questions open ended, in other words, he didn't directly answer what his dating goals are and he asked for exclusivity but didn't mention whether he's doing that too. Since you FEEL like he wants a relationship, let him continue to date you that way. If he isn't, you'll know. Just be in the moment, observe whether he's meeting your early dating needs and don't be too far ahead of the process.
xcupid Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 I don't see this as a red flag at this point. You've only been dating for two months. He doesn't know you very well at this stage. So he's still assessing things before he brings you into his inner circle of friends and family. And he's not ready to do the friends and family thing (yours and his) yet. He also wants a lot of time alone with you. That's normal in a beginning relationship. I wouldn't give the social media thing another thought. A guy doesn't have to come out and say specifically that you and he are in an exclusive relationship. It's implied by his actions at this point. In his mind he might think of you as his girlfriend. He's treating you well and like a girlfriend. Just relax, be aware of what's going on but don't overthink things, and see how things unfold. Good luck. 1
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