JBlackstone Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Just as the title states, do you have a pretty good idea of who your SO is texting/calling on a daily basis? I'm curious because I don't talk to many people daily but it seems my boyfriend talks to many people quite often. It seems odd to me, I am more introverted as he is more extroverted. He doesn't understand why my curiosity is piqued, he said he doesn't care who I talk to because it doesn't matter but I kind of feel like it does. Thoughts?
Gloria25 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Well, have you done an honest introspection as to "why" your interest in piqued? Is there something else going on in the RL that would make you start to question who he is communicating with and how much/long? I mean, do you want a commitment and he's stalling? Has the attention/sex/intimacy wained?
Qboro90 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Do you ask him who he's texting/calling ever? Is he doing this while you're together or trying to hide it? How does he react when you ask him? The way you ask is a big deal too. You can make it playful and not so clingy/jealous sounding by how you inquire. And it's also find to explain to him what you told us here. That you're more introverted and you understand he's got more of a social life and it's just taking you some time to get used to and comfortable with it. Then you can say that due to past relationships or an ex who would text/call others a lot it's left a bad impression on you and can't help but make you curious/ bit uneasy. Try to glance over if he's texting to see who it is, and if he hides or turns his phone away call him out on it. "Stop being weird, who are you texting?" If it's just his buddies then you need to trust him especially if he's given you no reason not to. If you spend your free time together then do the math. When would be be with another girl if he's with you during his free time?
Friskyone4u Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 In todays world where everyone is constantly connected to their electronic devices, there is a "fine" line between not being controlling, snoopy, or overly not trusting and being naive and having you head in the sand. And every relationship is different in its dynamic. If you read any Infidelity forum, you will find a lot of threads by both men and women where the BS is feeling so foolish because their partner was sitting in the same roon with them and texting or commicating with AP. If your parter is (1) not even paying attention to you and totally engrossed in their phone (2) taking their phone EVERYWHERE including the bathroom with them (3) suddenly locking or changing passwords (4) staying up late or getting up early to be on phone And there are probably a lot more but if you see the above you need to be concerned who they are talking to and what about. If you are in a committed relationship there is a difference between some privacy and secrecy
sandylee1 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 If I see my H texting someone, I don't ask who it is but often when he receives a text, he'll comment on it, which I do myself. If I'm in the room when he's texting ,will sometimes say something like " Mike is crazy ...he just said xyz". But I'm not concerned in any way. I'm entitled to a degree of privacy, the same as he is and we don't get into each others stuff like that. Years ago, If I got a phone call and he can't tell who it is from my tone or if I don't say their name, he would ask who it was. In order to avoid him asking these days, I just say who it is before he asks. I realised that this bothered him and made him somewhat suspicious.
Els Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 I'm familiar with most of the people whom my SO usually talks to, so it's pretty evident who it is from the conversation. Both of our phones are open to the other person so if I want to I can always look, and vice versa. I rarely do though, unless I need to check something unrelated and the message pops up. Same for him. It's one of those balance things - if he ensured that you NEVER got to look at his phone, I'd be suspicious, but if you were always wanting to check each and every phone call I'd be incredibly annoyed in his position, too. 2
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Just as the title states, do you have a pretty good idea of who your SO is texting/calling on a daily basis? yeah, pretty much. Me and his son, mostly. Occasionally, work... I'm curious because I don't talk to many people daily but it seems my boyfriend talks to many people quite often. It seems odd to me, I am more introverted as he is more extroverted. Well that might be why you don't and he does.... He doesn't understand why my curiosity is piqued, he said he doesn't care who I talk to because it doesn't matter but I kind of feel like it does. Why? And why 'kinda'...? If he has given you no reason to be insecure or suspicious, don't sweat it. Do you think he's flirting or having an affair behind your back?
d0nnivain Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Couldn't tell you. Wouldn't want to. First both DH & I have jobs where on a slow day we probably talk to 100 people each per day. I can't imagine either of us talking to other people about stuff that would upset our spouse. So you either trust your partner or you don't. If you need to know who they are talking to every day you are either really nosy to an unhealthy degree or you have no trust. 2
deadelvis Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Major problems in my relationship with this. She spends countless hours texting other men who have feelings for her and/or she has a sexually history with. Not a fun situation to be in.
MissBee Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 (edited) Just as the title states, do you have a pretty good idea of who your SO is texting/calling on a daily basis? I'm curious because I don't talk to many people daily but it seems my boyfriend talks to many people quite often. It seems odd to me, I am more introverted as he is more extroverted. He doesn't understand why my curiosity is piqued, he said he doesn't care who I talk to because it doesn't matter but I kind of feel like it does. Thoughts? Generally, in relationships I have some idea. But I'm usually not that concerned about it. I think because you don't text or call a lot of people it seems more obvious and alarming to you. My sister is this way, she's very introverted and pretty much hardly texts or calls anyone whereas I have friends messaging me, texting me, or I get calls daily and she's always wanting to know who I'm messaging which can be a little annoying. If you know your boyfriend has more friends or acquaintances and you know of them then I think it should give you a fair idea of why/who he's texting. If he isn't hiding in secret texting then I don't think you should worry. In some relationships I've been in the guy was more social and in one case he also had a business so it was pretty standard that he'd be on the phone multiple times a day. Given what I knew of him this was standard and didn't cause me any concern. In my last relationship, my bf at the time mostly texted or called his mom, his brother, his bestfriend and his dad. In the latter case I more or less knew who he was communicating with because it wasn't that many people while in other cases, I might have an idea about some but not all. What's the problem though? Do you want him to tell you who he is texting and calling each time he is texting or calling? Edited July 13, 2015 by MissBee 1
deadelvis Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 I think it's safe to say she's not worried about him texting his parents, siblings or best friends. It's the former flings, lost loves and hot new coworkers that cause concerns...
jen1447 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Do you know who your SO texts/calls? I have no idea who (else) they talk to unless they happen to tell me. Don't really care. 5
MissBee Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I think it's safe to say she's not worried about him texting his parents, siblings or best friends. It's the former flings, lost loves and hot new coworkers that cause concerns... And there is no indication he is doing this.... Isn't the point that she doesn't know who he's texting, and is asking others if they always know who their SO texts/calls? If she doesn't know who he's texting or calling why assume it's a lost love, former fling or hot new coworker is the point? In your case you KNOW your gf is texting men she's had a sexual history with, in OP's case she has not said she knows this. 1
Quiet Storm Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 My husband and I will answer each other's phones or texts. We leave our phones laying around, and we aren't private about them. I think it's because we've been together since 1991- everyone had pagers and nobody had internet. We never experienced having a cell phone or laptop as a single person. Back then, cell phones were a novelty and we shared one when they became more common. We have our own now, but don't view them as private items Tp be protected, just as tools for communication/ entertainment. We also share our computers/tablets. Our electronics have always been "ours", shared devices just like a tv or refrigerator. We don't hide stuff, we both watch porn sometimes and are cool with it, he knows I post here, we know each other's family's drama, we have the same friends, know each other's coworkers. Our privacy isn't something we are protective of. 4
xxoo Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Our phones are out and open. We don't carry them around the house, and often a kid will be the one to check and say, "so-and-so is texting you." No, I don't keep track of who he calls/texts, but nothing secretive is going on. 3
Gloria25 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Our phones are out and open. We don't carry them around the house, and often a kid will be the one to check and say, "so-and-so is texting you." No, I don't keep track of who he calls/texts, but nothing secretive is going on. My husband and I will answer each other's phones or texts. We leave our phones laying around, and we aren't private about them. Same thing in my brother's home...sometimes I get a text from him using his wife's phone, sometimes I text him and she picks up, sometimes the kids text me from their phones...That's why I gotta watch what I text to them 2
organizedchaos Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Major problems in my relationship with this. She spends countless hours texting other men who have feelings for her and/or she has a sexually history with. Not a fun situation to be in. Well then put your foot down and do something about it.
katinlc Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 We are both completely open with our phones. They are both password protected but we both know the password (and actually have them both set up where our thumb prints will open both). I generally know who he is texting and it is not uncommon at all for us to ask "who are you talking / texting". It's not a insecurity but more just conversation. He'll say "my brother" and i'll be like "oh did you ask him about XYZ". We read each other's text if they pop up while the phone is sitting there and tell the other "Joe is texting and wants to know if you are coming" and will answer for each other. We have only been married for a month, but we were both very upfront about wanting no secrets. I've read to many stories about social media / phones, etc... leading to problems and I want none of that. We respect each other's privacy but are very open. We just had some friends who are dealing with an affair - husband cheated on wife. This has brought a lot of discussion up about trust with us - always a good thing to discuss in my opinion.
deadelvis Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 You all have such trusting and honest relationships. i would given anything to have that with my partner.
katinlc Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 You all have such trusting and honest relationships. i would given anything to have that with my partner. If you don't have this with your partner then you need to re-evaluate the relationship pronto. Honesty, openness and trust are ESSENTIAL in a healthy relationship.
deadelvis Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I realize that. And that's why I'm here on LS... trying to fix my f'd up relationship. Certainly not here for the entertainment value...
katinlc Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I realize that. And that's why I'm here on LS... trying to fix my f'd up relationship. Certainly not here for the entertainment value... I completely understand. Pretty much everybody came here due to problems or heartbreak. I found this site after a breakup messed with me pretty badly. Great bunch of people that will give you pretty spot on advice. Glad you realize there are problems and are trying to fix them. That's step 1!
Male Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 My husband and I will answer each other's phones or texts. We leave our phones laying around, and we aren't private about them. Best advice I ever heard about cell phones and marriage was on on a Dr Phil show. I dont watch it, but I just happened to be flipping channels, and caught his advice. He told his studio audience...."Turn to your spouse next to you and hand them your cell phone right now. If anyone has an issue with that, you're obviously doing something you shouldnt be doing".
Shepp Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I know who her closer friends are. Sometimes when she gets a text she'll comment to me "Danny says 7pm on Saturday", "Urgh guess what Jess just told me". If I'm using her phone or ipad it might pop up with a text... I couldn't be bothered to read them though. It'd be the same visa versa. So I know who she talks to most, but not because I want to know, I simply know because I know......I figure that's how it should be
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