Jay779 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 (edited) My girlfriend is about to graduate college and wants to do so many things in the near future that seem impossible, and a lot of them have definite implications on the future of our relationship. We have been together for 2 and a half years, I am a bit older than her and have a job making pretty good money in the Finance/Accounting area. She has been talking a lot about what she wants to do as a couple in the near future, and a lot of it either a) costs a lot of money, b)requires a lot of commitment, or c) a combination of both. After college graduation, she is dead set on getting her MBA. She also wants to have kids in the near future. She also wants to travel around the world with me for months at a time. And all of the while, she wants me to support her financially in all of this. She doesn't have a job obviously, still being in undergrad. She seems to forget the costs of all of this, and wants me to have a steady job at the same time as traveling to foreign countries and living in the mountains for weeks at a time. AND then having kids too? I just don't see how this is possible and she doesn't see that. It's like she just wants me to forgo my life to support hers and join her in her dream journey. That takes a lot of commitment that I'm not ready for yet, personally or financially. Edited July 12, 2015 by Jay779
yxalitis Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 My girlfriend is about to graduate college .... She's still a kid...let her dream...obviously she is n't going to be able to do all of these things, but so what...? If she comes home with airline tickets, then, yeah, have a chat to her, but she's just spitballing, and you seem to be in her mind as she's doing this, so...I'm sorry, I don't see the problem. What concerns me is you last line about supporting her financially. You've been together 2 1/2 years, you have a "good job", why the hell can't you support her while she gets her MBA? Jesus, step up and be the man, she seems committed to you, but you're "not ready...?" Does she know this? Do you love her?
Redhead14 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 My girlfriend is about to graduate college and wants to do so many things in the near future that seem impossible, and a lot of them have definite implications on the future of our relationship. We have been together for 2 and a half years, I am a bit older than her and have a job making pretty good money in the Finance/Accounting area. She has been talking a lot about what she wants to do as a couple in the near future, and a lot of it either a) costs a lot of money, b)requires a lot of commitment, or c) a combination of both. After college graduation, she is dead set on getting her MBA. She also wants to have kids in the near future. She also wants to travel around the world with me for months at a time. And all of the while, she wants me to support her financially in all of this. She doesn't have a job obviously, still being in undergrad. She seems to forget the costs of all of this, and wants me to have a steady job at the same time as traveling to foreign countries and living in the mountains for weeks at a time. AND then having kids too? I just don't see how this is possible and she doesn't see that. It's like she just wants me to forgo my life to support hers and join her in her dream journey. That takes a lot of commitment that I'm not ready for yet, personally or financially. She is not being indecisve about her future or your relationship at all. She knows what she wants. Realistic or not. Now that you know what she wants and that doesn't work for you, this is the time to focus on what you want for your future for yourself and tell her what that is. You can't give yourself what you want if you're doing everthing for her needs and wants. You will be doing all of the work in the relationship. Imagine being with a woman so absorbed and possibly overloaded and not being able to meet your needs. The relationship will be unbalanced.
fitnessfan365 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 (edited) It's great that she has goals, dreams, and ambition. But it isn't fair that she wants it all to be at your expense. She's your girlfriend, not your wife. So you need to have a very frank conversation with her IMO. Tell her that you care about her and want her to achieve everything that she wants. But you're not looking to be her sugar daddy. You've been together 2 1/2 years, you have a "good job", why the hell can't you support her while she gets her MBA? Jesus, step up and be the man, she seems committed to you, but you're "not ready...?" Does she know this? Do you love her? She wants him to foot the bill for a TON of indefinite world traveling expenses so she can get it out of her system before she has kids. Just because he's her boyfriend, doesn't mean that he has to foot the bill for her pipe dreams. There's a difference between being the man and being a sucker IMO. Edited July 13, 2015 by fitnessfan365
SoftViolin Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 So, OP, do you discuss any of these options with her and share your opinion and reservations? If so, what is her reaction? I agree that these are all steps that require careful planning and are not something to do on a whim, but from your post at least it sounds like you are quietly listening to her share her dreams and think to yourself that you might not be ready for this without discussing with her.
yxalitis Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 It's great that she has goals, dreams, and ambition. But it isn't fair that she wants it all to be at your expense. She's your girlfriend, not your wife. So you need to have a very frank conversation with her IMO. Tell her that you care about her and want her to achieve everything that she wants. But you're not looking to be her sugar daddy. She wants him to foot the bill for a TON of indefinite world traveling expenses so she can get it out of her system before she has kids. Just because he's her boyfriend, doesn't mean that he has to foot the bill for her pipe dreams. There's a difference between being the man and being a sucker IMO. I wasn't for one second suggesting he just open his wallet and let her travel to 80+ countries. But, they CAN go on one trip together together to satisfy the travel itch...
Qboro90 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 For starters I don't think you have anything to worry about as far as your gf being unsure of having you in her future. Sounds like she wants to include you in all her "aspirations" and wanting kids with you pretty much seals the deal. I think you are giving her too much power over you where in fact you are the one who can dictate what you do and where you go. Can you give us a little background on how/what you've done financially with her since you began dating? Are you supporting her? Do you pay for her college? Does she live with you? Pay rent? When you go out does she ever pick up the tab? What about gifts? Does she ask you for expensive items? Do you buy her things and spoil her a bit? Sounds like you may so if that the case then you are definitely partly at fault for letting her believe you will foot the bill in anything she wants to do. When birthdays or holidays come around does she get you nice gifts, is she a material kind of girl? Or more moderate? Secondly I think that the things she's told you she wants are just words and "hopes" at this point. I think everyone when they're 22 or getting ready to finish college wants to become the "world traveler" and visit other countries. Then guess what... Reality comes like a punch in the face. If she wants to get her Mba she's not going to have the time or $$ to go anywhere other than the library. Her goals directly contradict what is physically and financially possible. How is she going to pay for her Mba I think is very important... Does she come from a family who supports her? Have you talked about money in the past ever or do you always act like a gentleman and handle the Bills? If I were you I wouldn't address the traveling and her wanting kids at an early age unless she comes out and starts trying to plan a trip and schedule dates to go away. Then you need to find your manhood and ask her "how are you going to pay for a month of traveling through Europe babe?" "Are you putting off grad school?". Straight up tell her that you have a career and simply don't have the luxury of being able to take off weeks at a time without being fired. If you want to compromise and plan a week long trip with her as a graduation celebration that would be doable. Anything more and she's using you more as a sugar daddy then a bf.... If you want to be comical about it, hand her your business card and ask her "does my last name say Chase Bank to you or am I reading it wrong?" ... That'll put her in her place regarding your mindset financially.
Qboro90 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Just re read your OP and saw that she does expect you to flip the bill for all of her post grad fantasies. This girl sounds incredibly high maintenance if she had the balls to tell you she wants to do all that and have you pay for it. She's naive as to the responsibilities once you finish living the care free college life. Tell her that people can't just take off from work for months at a time and expect to succeed in this world. Tell her that you've had friends who made the mistake of spending their money on vacations and material things when they started getting paid post college and those are the ones who are still living at home with their parents at 28-30 years old. Tell her you want a comfortable life with her but that means working hard and saving money now before you have the responsibilities of children and a mortgage. She might want all those things because she knows you're the one whose going to have to work harder and sacrifice because you've shown her that you will do what she wants/asks regardless of whether or not you're life is affected by it or not. Does she want to have a nice house and kids when she's 35 and be able to go on a few vacations a year? Or would she rather go away when she's 22, and live in a cheap apartment struggling to save money because your kids need clothes, diapers etc? You can either spend carelessly to live high and mighty in your 20's for a couple of years..... OR bust your ass to get ahead and establish a career and savings account and ENSURE that you're next 50 years together will be spent without the worry of "how are we going to afford this?".
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