silverspring Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 She's insecure. That's why everytime she gets attention or "thinks" guys are checking her out she needs to announce it outloud to make herself appear more attractive and desirable. Just think about it. Do you think Halle Berry or Angelina Joli tells people when men hit on them? Of course NOT because everybody already knows they're beautiful and expects men to hit on them. If Halle and Angelina DID boast about all the male attention they get, they'll appear down right snobby and people will get offended. But if a woman looks more average or just a little cute, she needs to make herself appear more beautiful and attractive, and what better way to do it than to advertise yourself, "Hey, men are hitting on me, I'm attractive!" And everytime she advertises, she's also boosting her own confidence by recalling the time when guys hit on her. I see women advertising in this manner all the time and it works like magic. Men do this all the time to, but unlike women, men validate their attractiveness by the beauty of their past lovers. I've met a bunch of guys who tried to make themselves appear more attractive by "advertising" how their ex-girlfriend was a model, or a dancer for Jay-Z, or a medical student who also squeezed in time to model and dance for Jay-Z. These advertisements are usually exaggerated truths. Everytime a guy starts advertising in this manner, I get really turned off because I judge a man's attractiveness by who THEY are, not who their ex-girlfriends were. On the same token I hope guys learn to judge a woman's worth by her character, and not by the number of men she "claims" hit on her everytime she steps out of her house.
noname Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 think about this for a second. i know all the conspiracy and alterior motive lovers will be mad but suppose for a second that she just considers you close enough to tell you those things. sure she might read you for jealosy and the like but since you are expressing none, then the behavior will continue as such. my girl tells me that **** sometimes, it doesn't bother me that much because she is beautiful. ****, i even tell her sometimes when women come on to me. just because she doesn't let me know doesn't mean it doesn't happen. in fact, i would be more worried if she wasn't telling me. you see, people who like each other, even platonically tell each other things that happen to them. simple as that. if you were with your boys and some girl hit on you, probably the first thing you would do is tell somebody. plus if she was just some other girl and not a friend with a capital "F". you would probably think nothing of it. now, as people we have no choice but to feel a little jealous when it is someone who we feel for so it can get a little uncomfortable. the problem is that you are trying to hard to find out hwta she is trying to express and not expressing yourself. get it? if you keep sucking it up and trying to be nonchalant she will have no idea it bothers you. or worse... she may read your jealousy and either make it work against you or not respect you because you cannot express your feelings. even though i am open to my lady telling me those things because it is harmless, it can get a little bit much so you have to either say something or return the favor. of course i don't mean telling her about nut licking stuff LOL but next time somebody checks you, say something. it may sting her a little. just a little so she experiences it but not so much that she doesn't feel comfortable to let you know what is going on... worked for me. my woman still feels comfortable enough to let me know somestuff but won't come home everyday and be like "you know how many guys hit on me today?" 'cause she knows i ain't having it... chances are she just knows you are a close friend and she thinks she can tell you everything. try not reading into it and accepting it at face value. and start communicating what you really feel, because if you don't, that forces her to guess...
Author tanbark813 Posted May 3, 2005 Author Posted May 3, 2005 Originally posted by noname so you have to either say something or return the favor. of course i don't mean telling her about nut licking stuff LOL but next time somebody checks you, say something. Yeah, well the nut licking stuff was just a joke. Part of the reason I let it go at first was because things are still new. But now it's starting to be an obvious pattern so I probably will say something if it happens again. Most of the time I'm pretty direct about what's on my mind.
KissMyTiara Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 Tanbark - do you want a relationship with her? Because if you do, and you suggest the same to this girl, I'll bet ya $50 she'll take you up on it...and the comments will subside (but never go away, I guarantee that).
Author tanbark813 Posted May 4, 2005 Author Posted May 4, 2005 Yeah, I would like a relationship with her, but she sounds pretty adamantly against that.
alphamale Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 Yeah, I would like a relationship with her, but she sounds pretty adamantly against that. yes, and the above combined with telling u about the dudes that hit on her should send a clear msg. a woman who wants to be with a man will not say she does not want a relationship and tell him about the other dudes interested in her.
RecordProducer Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 I LOVE to brag to my BF about who hit on me. I never talk about it among friends and co-workers. I don't want to talk about people who I rejected so that they look small in other people's eyes. But I love to strenghten my position in my BF's eyes by letting him know that he got something that many people want. Luckily, people hit on me even when we're together and he doesn't mind it. He feels flattered. But my ex-husband was very jealous and asked me to not tell him about it. It's a completely innocent action whatsoever. The same type of show off as when a producer tells me that he loves my work and I go home and tell my BF about it. As long as your GF tells you about these guys, they are not competition. Feel flattered and she will appreciate you for being "proud of her." She expects that you will happy that of all the guys in the world she chose you, not someone else. If you ruin her show, she will get closer to the ones who hit on her, because instead of sharing the joy of being desired with you, she will transfer it to them. It's not a sick kind of insecurity. Don't let it bother you.
aviva_dawn Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 I only remember telling my BF about one guy who hit on me, and that is because this guy came up behind me, grabbed my hand (which was in the process of grabbing a book that was directly behind me) and kissed it before saying anything. It happened so quickly that I didn't have time to prevent it. I told him that I wasn't interested and that I was dating someone else, so I never saw him/heard from him again. I was shocked so I told my BF what happened, simply because I wanted to know if he'd heard of any guy ever acting like that. He said "no".
silverspring Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 Personally, I find it unneccesary to bring up other men in front of boyfriends or guy friends. I just don't find the need to raise my worthiness or attractiveness by talking about how much other guys hit on me. If I get hit on, I just deal with it myself. I'll only talk about it if guys ask me questions like, "How many men at work asked you out so far?" Or if a particular guy starts getting a little obsessive and I need people's advice. But I don't need to boast about it. It's just like if a woman constantly advertised her intelligence by boasting about how she graduated from Harvard, or if a guy advertised his financial success by mentioning his new BMW, new 3-story house by the beach, and the number of times he's traveled around the world every chance he got. It's down right rude, annoying, and inconsiderate. Boasting indicates a person's desire to make themselves appear better in people's eyes by making others feel like they're not good enough. That's the purpose of boasting and it exposes people who are arrogant and inconsiderate. Tanbark: If this girl is trying to get your attention, there are plenty of other ways for her to do it than to boast about men hitting on her every chance she gets. On the other hand, if she knows you like her but she doesn't want anything more from you, it's evil for her to keep telling you, "I'm the girl that every guy wants and you can't have me either!" And you know she's doing this to boost her own ego. I steer clear of insecure people who need to boast to boost their ego.
Barby Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 It's not a sick kind of insecurity. You sure about that? It sure sounds that way to me...
BrotherAaron Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 I wouldn't want some ditz flapping her jaw about who's hitting on her where, not after a couple of weeks of lukewarm dating mixed with that "I don't want a relationship, but I'll let you pay for a few more of my meals before I start ignoring your phone calls" crud. I'm more inclined to agree with alpha on this one and say that you're already wasting your time. Fight her big-tit-jedi mindtricks, and dump her. You probably already would have if she wasn't cute... am I wrong?
Author tanbark813 Posted May 4, 2005 Author Posted May 4, 2005 Originally posted by BrotherAaron I wouldn't want some ditz flapping her jaw about who's hitting on her where, not after a couple of weeks of lukewarm dating mixed with that "I don't want a relationship, but I'll let you pay for a few more of my meals before I start ignoring your phone calls" crud. I'm more inclined to agree with alpha on this one and say that you're already wasting your time. Fight her big-tit-jedi mindtricks, and dump her. You probably already would have if she wasn't cute... am I wrong? You're not wrong at all. I'm just keeping things going to get ass and have her as my date to my high school reunion in a month.
Believer69 Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 Without even reading the post, most women who tell there partner about such instances is to get your attention, like "hello, I have other people interested, or that find me attractive" Probably because they are insecure about your feelings about them.
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