NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Okay so I've posted my story on here several times before, so I'll just do a brief summary; I'm 18 heading to college in the fall, met and started dating my first girlfriend ever last April. For a year we were completely in love with one another and would literally do anything for one another, talk constantly, gifts, talk about the future etc. Then, suddenly one day she tells me she hasn't felt the same level of love for me as before but wants to work it out. Things get progressively worse, we break up. After the break up, she cries and is extremely upset, gets back together a few days later. Then a few days after that, we break up again and this time she is supposedly "happy" about the breakup and not sad about it at all. After the first breakup, (she broke up with me) i was extremely sad and became needy, texting her constantly and begging her to take me back. Well, I didn't know any better, and so after the second breakup I was the same way. Only this time, she blocked me on facebook, blocked my phone number. So, we've been broken up for a little over two weeks now, and I haven't heard a peep from her, other than her snapchat stories of her having fun with friends. In a little less than a month, I'm leaving the country and coming back only to go to college. I'm considering sending her a final "Goodbye" letter, apologizing for being needy after the breakup, reminiscing on good memories, thanking her for her love and saying a final goodbye. I also intend to say that if she wants to see me or talk to me in college, she shouldn't hesitate (We're going to college 15 mins away from one another.) Is this a good idea? I love her with all of my heart, and obviously i want to be with her just as badly. But, I know she wants to go into college being independent, and in the letter I let her know that I'm doing better and that I've accepted the end of our relationship. I also write about how I did not want to end on such a bad note, because I want her to remember our relationship for as amazing as it truly was. What do you guys think? Should I send this letter?
frigginlost Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Okay so I've posted my story on here several times before, so I'll just do a brief summary; I'm 18 heading to college in the fall, met and started dating my first girlfriend ever last April. For a year we were completely in love with one another and would literally do anything for one another, talk constantly, gifts, talk about the future etc. Then, suddenly one day she tells me she hasn't felt the same level of love for me as before but wants to work it out. Things get progressively worse, we break up. After the break up, she cries and is extremely upset, gets back together a few days later. Then a few days after that, we break up again and this time she is supposedly "happy" about the breakup and not sad about it at all. After the first breakup, (she broke up with me) i was extremely sad and became needy, texting her constantly and begging her to take me back. Well, I didn't know any better, and so after the second breakup I was the same way. Only this time, she blocked me on facebook, blocked my phone number. So, we've been broken up for a little over two weeks now, and I haven't heard a peep from her, other than her snapchat stories of her having fun with friends. In a little less than a month, I'm leaving the country and coming back only to go to college. I'm considering sending her a final "Goodbye" letter, apologizing for being needy after the breakup, reminiscing on good memories, thanking her for her love and saying a final goodbye. I also intend to say that if she wants to see me or talk to me in college, she shouldn't hesitate (We're going to college 15 mins away from one another.) Is this a good idea? I love her with all of my heart, and obviously i want to be with her just as badly. But, I know she wants to go into college being independent, and in the letter I let her know that I'm doing better and that I've accepted the end of our relationship. I also write about how I did not want to end on such a bad note, because I want her to remember our relationship for as amazing as it truly was. What do you guys think? Should I send this letter? No, do not send that letter. Sending a sorry for being needy letter, will reek of weakness to her... Nothing you send will change how she felt about the relationship. We have all been where you're at, and the best thing you can do, is burn that letter....
ravfour4 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Only do it if you feel like you need to and that it will give you closure. Write it and then wait a few weeks and reread it, think if you still want to send it. She may read it and think "gosh he's needy" or she may read it and think "that's nice of him, nice letter". Neither of those are terrible outcomes given she's already your ex and already has an impression that you're needy, but neither of those are great outcomes either.
FistOfTheNorthStar Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 After my first big breakup and neediness. It makes you resentful my friend. I was begging for 2 years. Then I ended up almost severing my finger and getting arrested/killed because of a bar fight. I was angry with her but more with myself. I honestly say no. If you wrote the letter, than burn it. It's not worth it. First girlfriend, first experience.
OldSoul86 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 I would not. Whether you think you are or not, you're grasping at straws here - it is in the way you word your posts. Don't get hung up on someone at such a young age. Let your actions speak for you - both when you were in the relationship and now that you're out of it. You don't need to send a letter to her explaining to her that you accept the breakup. If you absolutely must write out your feelings, do not send it to her. Instead, I would burn the letter or read it to someone you care about first (for the purposes of validating your feelings) and then burn it.
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 I would not. Whether you think you are or not, you're grasping at straws here - it is in the way you word your posts. Don't get hung up on someone at such a young age. Let your actions speak for you - both when you were in the relationship and now that you're out of it. You don't need to send a letter to her explaining to her that you accept the breakup. If you absolutely must write out your feelings, do not send it to her. Instead, I would burn the letter or read it to someone you care about first (for the purposes of validating your feelings) and then burn it. It just sucks to see her happy with her friends and know that I'm sitting here miserable. Plus, the letter isn't an attempt to get her back, its an attempt to make her not think i am crazy, which I think she does
dyna85 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Probably not the best idea considering she's blocked you given the neediness you've already displayed. I agree with the commenter who said let your actions speak for you (ie. do not contact her). Give her what she wants - ie. silence. You'll benefit in more ways than one and your dignity will remain intact. Consider the fact that sending her a goodbye letter may just dig your hole deeper, considering she's already closed the door and put the Berlin wall up in blocking you. You can of course do as you please since it's your life, but this is my advice, and given my experience I would never send such a letter, as needy as I'd feel. If someone breaks up with you, you leave that person to their own devices and allow them to live with their decision. Oh.. and I'd advise you to block her and her friends from snapchat too. She wanted it to be over... so let it be over... Time + patience my friend. Lots and lots of time too. Consider this the beginning of your withdrawal. It's not an easy process...
theredpill Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Don't send it, respect yourself - you can't see this right now because you're emotionally compromised.
mightycpa Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 (edited) ok, it's your first one, so you don't know. here's how it works: Then, suddenly one day she tells me she hasn't felt the same level of love for me as before this part was the truth but wants to work it out. this part was not. I'm not saying she was dishonest either, what I'm saying is that unlike most other girls, she decided not to hide her true feelings from you. She probably had no idea where her feelings were headed. So you get back together, and after that, she figures out that she doesn't really want to work it out after all. All the while, you're stuck in "I'm still in love" land, and you can't figure it out at all. She is a million miles ahead of you at this point. All that stuff you wrote is probably 100% true and just as unappreciated by her right now. Decades later, she'll look back on it and sigh in sentimental bliss. Right now, she'll think you're a pussy. What the other posters are telling you when they say: No, do not send that letter. She may read it and think "gosh he's needy" I honestly say no. I would not. Probably not the best idea Don't send it, respect yourself is that this has been played out a million times before you, and will be played out a million times again. It is not fruitful. Don't waste your time. It won't matter, and it won't satisfy you, because whatever reaction you get, it won't be the one you want. So I'll add my voice. Don't. Edited July 13, 2015 by mightycpa
LoveIsMyReligion Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 He is going to send it regardless of the advice; aside from that here is my two cents. Long story short words won't convince her to think differently about you; your actions will. She hasn't forgotten about you I promise, but she is having a better time than you for now. If you give her any attention, whether it be this bull**** message that you claim isn't trying to win her back or even a ****ing smoke signal she will get the attention she wants from you and will know you're still thinking about her. You have two options here, send her the letter and hate her even more so when you don't get the response you want from her, because you won't I promise. Or pull up your big boy pants take the high road and start working on becoming a better you. Hit the gym, start jogging, get some new clothes. I know what you're feeling, I had someone beautiful that I loved rip my heart out and stomp on it, and I just kept going back for more. One last time, NOTHING you say will hangs her mind. We all do stupid things when we break up, but you need to start focusing on yourself and stop worrying about what this one girl thinks about you regardless of how pretty, smart, or attractive she may be. The only thing that will fix this is time an self improvement, chin up man, just remember you're not the first person to go through something like this.
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 He is going to send it regardless of the advice; aside from that here is my two cents. Long story short words won't convince her to think differently about you; your actions will. She hasn't forgotten about you I promise, but she is having a better time than you for now. If you give her any attention, whether it be this bull**** message that you claim isn't trying to win her back or even a ****ing smoke signal she will get the attention she wants from you and will know you're still thinking about her. You have two options here, send her the letter and hate her even more so when you don't get the response you want from her, because you won't I promise. Or pull up your big boy pants take the high road and start working on becoming a better you. Hit the gym, start jogging, get some new clothes. I know what you're feeling, I had someone beautiful that I loved rip my heart out and stomp on it, and I just kept going back for more. One last time, NOTHING you say will hangs her mind. We all do stupid things when we break up, but you need to start focusing on yourself and stop worrying about what this one girl thinks about you regardless of how pretty, smart, or attractive she may be. The only thing that will fix this is time an self improvement, chin up man, just remember you're not the first person to go through something like this. The whole premise of the letter is based on the assumption that she still kinda cares for me. I think she does, even though it might be miniscule, as when we broke up the first few times she was completely devastated.
Chi townD Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 I think she knows that you're leaving the country and when you get back, you're leaving again for college. Therefore, she might not believe in LDR's. So, she cut you loose. Time to move on dude.
dyna85 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 The whole premise of the letter is based on the assumption that she still kinda cares for me. I think she does, even though it might be miniscule, as when we broke up the first few times she was completely devastated. She does still care for you most likely but she blocked you. That, in and of itself, is a clear as day sign that you should retreat. She's drawn a firm line in the sand and you're about to step over it. I would not do this if I were you, because it's going to piss her off more (aside from giving her an enormous ego boost) and you're going to feel even worse. She doesn't deserve to have such a huge upper hand. I would suggest you stay away from her. Your emotions are clouding your better judgment. You have to exert some self-control. Even if you feel intense desire to contact her one last time or whatever, the fact that she blocked you is reason enough not to do it. If someone blocks you from FB and blocks your number, it's doubtful they're going to turn around and be welcoming of any further advances on your part. What was then and what is now are two different things. She's now put up the blockade. Now is your chance to demonstrate both to yourself and her that you don't need anyone to stand on your own two feet. You're just going to get yourself into hot water if you send that letter. I truly think it's a bad idea and if you were a friend of mine, I would urge you to not do it. Now is a time of self-preservation. Your self is calling and wants you to stop looking at her for validation. It's inside of you if you give it time.
BriNyc82 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Take it from me as someone who has sent a goodbye email. And I regret sending that stupid email. Trust me. I wish I had someone to walk me off the ledge. Don't do it
Learningtowalkagain Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Please do not send that letter. I'm begging you. It's needy and pathetic. It'll accomplish two things, validating her feelings about you being needy even further, and feeding her ego. There's zero benefit in sending it. You don't always get the closure you want on your terms. She gave you closure by blocking you out of her life. Action speak louder than words.
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 The thing is, I don't see how sending it could hurt me in the long run? She obviously doesn't want to talk to me or see me at all right now, so how could it get worse for me?
mightycpa Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 The thing is, I don't see how sending it could hurt me in the long run? She obviously doesn't want to talk to me or see me at all right now, so how could it get worse for me? In the long run, it doesn't hurt you. What it does is it makes the run longer. That's what hurts in the here and now. 1
BriNyc82 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 It does hurt you in the long run. Nothing good will come out of this. And no matter what happens you won't feel better for sending it. She either doesn't reply and you feel crummy. Or she replies and you don't like what she has to say which will now give you more thoughts to be consumed by. You won't get the response you want. No one on here has said "I sent this email and we are so happy together now"!
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 I think what I'll end up doing is just leave the letter at her place the day before I leave... When I'm abroad, I won't have access to the internet, so I couldn't expect a response anyway. And, when I get back, it'll be time for college. Her friends have told me that my texting her immediately following the breakup was "unfair" because it makes it harder for her to move on. But the way that it ended with us, especially with all the other couples in our friend group breaking up on a good note, is making it nearly impossible for me to move on.
LeslieKnope Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Can I make an alternative suggestion? Write the letter and give it to a friend you trust for safekeeping instead. Or write it then burn it. You'll get greater catharsis from just writing the letter than actually sending it to her. Trust me, she already knows you love her. You don't need to get a response from her to validate your feelings.
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 The problem is, by giving it to a friend or just burning it, I won't get the satisfaction out of the ltter that i want. I don't expect her to respond, but just knowing that she's read it will give me a sense of closure.
BriNyc82 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I have a feeling you are going to send it anyway. But I never got closure from the email I sent. It made me feel worse. You'll send this letter and still come up with another way to get closure after. Closure may have to come from within you. It sucks. If you honestly think sending it and getting no response will give you closure ok but I would not recommend doing it.
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