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Posted (edited)

My ex and I are both 17 and broke up a little over 2 weeks ago. He apparently only broke up with me because of the difficulty of long distance and he worried about his ability to maintain a LDR (frequent texting/facetiming) now that it's summer and he's working and spending a lot of time with his friends. He also explained that he couldn't "hang out with his friends because he felt guilty for not texting me and knew that I would be mad at him". We had a really great relationship and we never fought, and I was seriously in love with him even though we were only together for 5 months (I've had previous boyfriends but he was the first I was actually in love with). A day after we broke up he randomly texted me and asked if we could still be friends, and if not, he understood. At the time I was very emotional so I told him that I needed some time, and he said he understood. I don't know where he stands or if he still has feelings for me, but when I asked him if we could try to fix things he told me that he really doesn't think he has time for a girlfriend (I don't think he was using that as a cop out, he's legitimately really busy) so if he does still have feelings for me they can't be all too strong.

But now, it's been over 2 weeks and I'm planning on giving it a week or so more, but I do want to contact him (we haven't talked in 2 weeks) and try to start to fix our friendship. I've given my emotions time to simmer down and I feel ready to contact him as I know that I'm not doing it to try to get him back or anything, I'm doing it solely to take up his offer on a friendship and a friendship only (he had briefly mentioned just becoming a friends with benefits type of thing due to the fact that I only see him every two months or so, but I don't think I'll do that because if he broke my heart, why should he be allowed to use me for a casual make out?). I understand that right now, we can't be together due to the circumstances (age/distance). Our relationship started out as a friendship and he quickly became one of my best friends, I still trust him with my life, he knows me better than most people and I feel comfortable telling him anything, and he always gives great advice, and that's why I want to still be friends. I'm going to text him, but I have absolutely no clue what to say. Yes, I could just say something really simple like "hey", but all that sets up for is a boring conversation. I was thinking about jokingly texting him something like, "hey, you need to get your a** back into my life" and adding a laughing emoji at the end, but I'm kind of scared that that might not be the right thing to say.

 

What's a good, lighthearted text I could send him that signals that I'm ready to try to be friends again? I don't really want it to be anything like "hey I heard (song that reminds me of him) on the radio today and I thought of you, how are you?" because that makes it seem like I still have romantic feelings for him.

Edited by NCgirl155
Posted

Honestly, it's only been 2 weeks. Do you still have romantic interest in him? Are you hoping to get back as friends and have it develop into a romantic relationship again?

  • Author
Posted
Honestly, it's only been 2 weeks. Do you still have romantic interest in him? Are you hoping to get back as friends and have it develop into a romantic relationship again?

 

No, I'm not hoping for it to develop into a romantic relationship because realistically, I think a relationship wouldn't work out between us under the circumstances. And I'm planning on waiting until at least 3 or 4 weeks have passed to text him.

Posted

I think you should indeed give it 3-4 more weeks and make sure of your feelings. You need to ask yourself will it be ok if he is being romantic with another girl? Is that something you would have no problem with him bringing up or even seeing? It is very hard to go to just friends after a romantic relationship even if you were "just" friends" before. I would leave this alone, for like you said, 3-4 more weeks and then let's take a look at how you truly feel. You have the right idea about not communicating at all right now so don't worry about what you would send.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted
I think you should indeed give it 3-4 more weeks and make sure of your feelings. You need to ask yourself will it be ok if he is being romantic with another girl? Is that something you would have no problem with him bringing up or even seeing? It is very hard to go to just friends after a romantic relationship even if you were "just" friends" before. I would leave this alone, for like you said, 3-4 more weeks and then let's take a look at how you truly feel. You have the right idea about not communicating at all right now so don't worry about what you would send.

 

Yeah I understand, I'm just looking to figure out what to say because it'll make me feel better if I figure it out haha.

Posted

Put yourself in his shoes, what type of text would you want to see?

 

Probably something like "hey! It's been a while, want to grab lunch and catch up?" No matter what you send, he'll probably think you may want to get back together, you can just make it obvious that you just want to be friends when you meet up by not talking about your relationship and not being flirty or too inquisitive.

 

That being said. Just being friends seems near impossible at this point, you're likely feeling a lot better from being apart from him for a while (I'm feeling the same) but seeing him again may rip off a scab. What if it goes amazingly well and you seem like a couple again, but then afterward he doesn't text you or seem interested. Happened to me a couple times and it sucked, I thought I was fine before and during, but after the confusion of what we were and why we aren't together was super frustrating.

  • Like 1
Posted

Your desire to feel better is because you still have feeling for this guy.

 

Friends come and go, yes it sucks when you lose them, but it's gonna happen. If you can't deal with losing "friends" now, you're in some trouble down the road.

  • Author
Posted
Your desire to feel better is because you still have feeling for this guy.

 

Friends come and go, yes it sucks when you lose them, but it's gonna happen. If you can't deal with losing "friends" now, you're in some trouble down the road.

 

 

Romantic feelings? No, not quite. And I can deal with losing friends fine, I've lost plenty of them, but he's one of my best friends so I don't see the point in letting him go if he wants to stay friends as well.

  • Author
Posted
Put yourself in his shoes, what type of text would you want to see?

 

Probably something like "hey! It's been a while, want to grab lunch and catch up?" No matter what you send, he'll probably think you may want to get back together, you can just make it obvious that you just want to be friends when you meet up by not talking about your relationship and not being flirty or too inquisitive.

 

That being said. Just being friends seems near impossible at this point, you're likely feeling a lot better from being apart from him for a while (I'm feeling the same) but seeing him again may rip off a scab. What if it goes amazingly well and you seem like a couple again, but then afterward he doesn't text you or seem interested. Happened to me a couple times and it sucked, I thought I was fine before and during, but after the confusion of what we were and why we aren't together was super frustrating.

 

 

Yeah that's a good idea! Unfortunately I can't ask him to meet up since he lives so far :( And yes, I'd say I'm definitely feeling a lot better, so I think I'm just going to test the waters to see how he's feeling and to see how things go, and I guess I'll figure out what's going to happen from there. Thanks for your help!

Posted
Yeah that's a good idea! Unfortunately I can't ask him to meet up since he lives so far..

 

Have you two ever met in RL?

  • Author
Posted
Have you two ever met in RL?

 

 

 

Yeah of course, I don't think I could be in a relationship where I would never see the person haha! He lives about 2 hours away, so we only saw eachother twice while we were together, but I'll be in his state a few times this summer.

Posted
.... so we only saw each other twice while we were together....

 

Are you both sexually active during these visits? Cause I was assuming you were. Or is this relationship more emotional than physical?

Posted

You only saw each other twice!? Just try to move on then, 2 hours isn't very far, I used to drive that every weekend to see my ex, you're only 17 and have a lot to learn and a lot more people to meet.

  • Like 1
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Posted
Are you both sexually active during these visits? Cause I was assuming you were. Or is this relationship more emotional than physical?

 

Not really, we haven't had sex. And I'd definitely say it was more emotional (at least for me) since we spent so much time talking despite the fact that we weren't together physically. I do know that he really enjoyed the physical aspect when we were together (but I think that's natural, as so did I).

  • Author
Posted
You only saw each other twice!? Just try to move on then, 2 hours isn't very far, I used to drive that every weekend to see my ex, you're only 17 and have a lot to learn and a lot more people to meet.

 

Neither of us can drive unfortunately, and we both have jobs, sports and school which made it super difficult.

Posted

so just curious, given that he broke your heart, why the desire to be friends? why would you possibly want that?

  • Author
Posted (edited)
so just curious, given that he broke your heart, why the desire to be friends? why would you possibly want that?

 

 

Because it was done for the best. Had we continued our relationship with minimal contact, I would've been in the same position, yet even more invested in him because we would have been dating for even longer. And for as to why I want to be friends with him? Well, I hold no anger or contempt against him as our split was genuinely for the best, and he broke up with me in a way that was really mature and careful of both of our feelings. There's no reason to lose the friend I had in him just because our relationship didn't work out due to geographical distance. He understands me, gives great advice, and I feel comfortable saying just about anything to him. Its not like "oh, he broke up with me, he's such an a** I hate him", it's more like "oh, he broke up with me, but our relationship wouldn't have neccesarily worked out anyways so this was most likely for the best", and I feel as if that's the way it should be in this situation.

Edited by NCgirl155
Posted

I don't no what kind of help you are looking for other than what's already been given. You are on-line friends who dont see each other that often that used to date, but you are afraid that if you talk to him he's gonna think you have romantic intentions?

 

Then just tell him that. Tell him you'd like to go back to the way things were before you guys dated, that you're no longer interested in him romantically. You just miss talking to him and don't mind that he's dating other women. All you desire is a platonic relationship.

  • Author
Posted
I don't no what kind of help you are looking for other than what's already been given. You are on-line friends who dont see each other that often that used to date, but you are afraid that if you talk to him he's gonna think you have romantic intentions?

 

Then just tell him that. Tell him you'd like to go back to the way things were before you guys dated, that you're no longer interested in him romantically. You just miss talking to him and don't mind that he's dating other women. All you desire is a platonic relationship.

 

Yeah I have all of that down, I was looking for help on what my initial text should say after I'm done with NC. But I'll definitely tell him all of that if he gets the wrong idea! Thanks for your help :)

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