Easyguy14 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Yea I've been spying on her within the last few weeks and its been easy since I know where she works (pharmacy) and because I'm self-employed I can go on the go whenever I feel like. This is what's happened to far: I seen her in the car with a so-called coworker last week and it appeared they were about to flirt or were already flirting when I noticed this ******* reaching in touch her face and ears but she deflected it at that time. I did question her about possible coworkers showing interest in her but she claims they're all friends and she's not into them. I said okay but still felt insecure because why was she in the car with him to begin with? Then just yesterday when I was cruising for something to eat I decided to go and spy on her again and as before I saw them in the parking lot behind the jobsite with him inside the car and her standing by his window talking and I was starting to get bothered. But then I really got amped up when just like before he reached in to touch her face and she didn't deflect it like last time. I saw him caressing her earlobes and she just went on with it like this was nothing. I'm furious right now because these got to be signs she's interested in this ******* and she's keeping it away from me. I tried to contact her last night and again today with no success. Now it seems she's avoiding me?! Should I just end it now before she actually follows through with cheating because I couldn't handle it when it happens. Only been dating 3 months.
LoveRefreshed Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 I'd probably leave someone who felt it necessary to spy on me too. However, you can't stop what she's going to do with any amount of spying or anger. Don't ask her how others are feeling about her. Or how she feels about anyone. Ask her if she is missing something in your relationship. "Are there things I can do to make you feel more loved?" "Is there something you need in this relationship?" It's not ever the fault of the other person in cheating, but you can be proactive in preventing it if you really love her. Though if someone is going to cheat on me, I wouldn't give a damn and cut them loose. Though I am really effed up in making strong and lasting connections. I burn bridges on the drop of a dime. If you really want to get ballsy... on one of your spy missions, pick her up food too. Then interrupt the two of them. Then ask her about it later if she acts strangely.
d0nnivain Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Just break up with her. You don't trust her which is why You followed her & spied on her in the 1st place. That fact that your suspicions were "confirmed" in your just tells me you might as well end this now instead a few weeks from now. While I have dined, gone drinking, gotten in cars, talk to & even socialized with co-workers none ever caressed my face. Hugs were usually reserved for things like weddings & funerals & were always stiff. 2
LoveRefreshed Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Hugs were usually ... were always stiff. Dirty. But I think d0nnivain is also got a good solution. Though I'm an optimist and she appears to be more of a realist.
elaine567 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 While I have dined, gone drinking, gotten in cars, talk to & even socialized with co-workers none ever caressed my face. Hugs were usually reserved for things like weddings & funerals & were always stiff. ^^^The bottom line. People who cross boundaries need to be told in no uncertain terms they are doing so, sounds like your gf likes the attention here. How far does this have to go before you are going to take action? A kiss, a making out session, a bj, full blown sex? YOU know what to do, just do it. 2
Redhead14 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Are you sure you are her boyfriend? Are you sure she knows you are her boyfriend? In other words, have you talked about exclusivity or being boyfriend and girlfriend? If you haven't, it may not be clear to her that you want that with her and or wants that and you haven't been clear so she feels that you are just dating and free to see others. Three months is about the time when that discussion would happen. If you have,then i would move ond without drama. The fact that shes not responding kinda implies shes ending it anyway. Id stop reaching out to her and see if she comes to you. If she doesnt youll have your answer anyway. 1
Author Easyguy14 Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 ^^^The bottom line. People who cross boundaries need to be told in no uncertain terms they are doing so, sounds like your gf likes the attention here. How far does this have to go before you are going to take action? A kiss, a making out session, a bj, full blown sex? YOU know what to do, just do it. So do you agree that my girlfriend allowing this jerk to play with her ears as they talk are early signs of them fooling around eventually? I tried to run this past a friend of mine and he shot it down as just a possible friendly gesture, but I know it isn't.
LoveRefreshed Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 It depends on what kind of person she is. I know some girls who hug, rub shoulders, and get physically joking around with someone (pushing, or a punch to the arm) and it's totally friendly. I know some other girls who won't hug a person or touch them if they aren't their boy friend. What matters though is if you feel comfortable and if you've set boundaries regarding what you find acceptable. Like I said, you can't very much out her or you out yourself for spying. "Surprise them" when you see them doing it, and then you can confront her about it. "You know, the way he touches you makes me uncomfortable".
Author Easyguy14 Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 It depends on what kind of person she is. I know some girls who hug, rub shoulders, and get physically joking around with someone (pushing, or a punch to the arm) and it's totally friendly. I know some other girls who won't hug a person or touch them if they aren't their boy friend. What matters though is if you feel comfortable and if you've set boundaries regarding what you find acceptable. Like I said, you can't very much out her or you out yourself for spying. "Surprise them" when you see them doing it, and then you can confront her about it. "You know, the way he touches you makes me uncomfortable". The main reason I'm growing more suspicious of them is the fact that she deflected his advances the first time and now has accepted it. It looks like something is brewing here I feel. Of course I want to ask her about it but she hasn't returned my phone calls/texts yet though its still early.
d0nnivain Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 So do you agree that my girlfriend allowing this jerk to play with her ears as they talk are early signs of them fooling around eventually? I tried to run this past a friend of mine and he shot it down as just a possible friendly gesture, but I know it isn't. I don't see a smoking gun anywhere. I see you concluding that she is not trustworthy. At this point, you have killed the relationship as much or more as she has. No matter what she says you are unlikely to believe her. Since you don't trust her. Why are you still with her?
Author Easyguy14 Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 I don't see a smoking gun anywhere. I see you concluding that she is not trustworthy. At this point, you have killed the relationship as much or more as she has. No matter what she says you are unlikely to believe her. Since you don't trust her. Why are you still with her? I'm waiting to hear what she has to say about things before I make a final decision to end stuff with her but she's gone awol right now. In the meantime I just want to hear different opinions on the matter at hand.
d0nnivain Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 What do you mean she has gone awol? Waiting to hear her side of the story sounds nice but what are you going to do if you don't believe her? Unless it's an obviously lie (the other guy didn't touch her face), are you able to give her the benefit of the doubt? If not, there is no hope. You need trust as the foundation of your relationship.
Author Easyguy14 Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 What do you mean she has gone awol? Waiting to hear her side of the story sounds nice but what are you going to do if you don't believe her? Unless it's an obviously lie (the other guy didn't touch her face), are you able to give her the benefit of the doubt? If not, there is no hope. You need trust as the foundation of your relationship. No lie as I watched the 2 engage from across the street. I'm still waiting for her to answer my messages so I can know what to do from here but I must say that it doesn't look good. Any man caressing a woman's face or playing with her earlobes affectionately is sending clear messages in my book and I know most women understand this just as said woman should.
xcupid Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 This is all about trust. If she says there's nothing going you won't believe her because of what you've seen from your spying. And if you say you've spied on her and don't believe her then she won't trust you. So this is a no-win situation.
babycakees Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Clearly you do not trust your girlfriend. I would like to know what made you wanna spy on her in the first place. Just end it now. You are already acting like a psycho stalker. This relationship is not healthy. 1
brok3npromise Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 I'd be a little upset if my significant other was spying on me. Why do you not trust this girl to begin with?
Author Easyguy14 Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 I'd be a little upset if my significant other was spying on me. Why do you not trust this girl to begin with? I don't think you would trust your girlfriend if she lets random guys play with her earlobes and caress her face.
brok3npromise Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 But what made you wanna spy on her in the first place? Do you have trust issues? Has she said something or did something to lead you to believe you couldn't trust her?
spiderowl Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 The main reason I'm growing more suspicious of them is the fact that she deflected his advances the first time and now has accepted it. It looks like something is brewing here I feel. Of course I want to ask her about it but she hasn't returned my phone calls/texts yet though its still early. I just wonder how long you have been watching your girlfriend for? This seems excessive spying on her. Did you start to do this because you had reason for suspicion or have you been doing this all along? I think she would realise she's being spied on eventually and then I don't think she'll stay anyway. Who wants to be spied on most of the day? 1
ascendotum Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 This is all about trust. If she says there's nothing going you won't believe her because of what you've seen from your spying. And if you say you've spied on her and don't believe her then she won't trust you. So this is a no-win situation. This is what I think as well. I don't buy the line that he has done worse by spying. Spying on your gf/bf is not a good thing at all, but when it confirms your suspicions then your sneaky spy behavior is validated by revealing the sneaky cheating behavior of your partner. For quite a few people here I'm sure if they were in the OPs shoes they would have seen enough to know she has crossed a physical boundary and could not be trusted to not go further in the future. This just may be the limit of her flirtations, but I would be pissed if this was my gf and I couldn't trust her around that co-worker anymore. If he has a discussion with her, she will just downplay it and say there is no way she would go any further than that, and she never touched him and has no interest in having sex with him, on so on. She'll also throw the spying back in his face, and will act indignant that he is spying on her. I'd keep my mouth shut on the spying, and just continue to do so if I needed to see how far it escalated (to be 100% sure), or if I could not continue pretending everything was fine in the meantime I would break up with her.
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