SummerRae Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 Need some guys advice! I have been on a date w/ one of the guys on our baseball team. I’ll try to be quick.... He’s a really nice guy, really funny, etc... We have been emailing each other back and forth and then after our I thanked him. Saturday night, I had a couple and told him that I had a crush on him. I had to be honest with him, or at least I felt that way. :-) Then I said, “I’m sortof embarrassed now.” And he said, “don’t be. I had a great time with you.” (things were nonstop laughter and smiling). The next day he asked me to call him when I got home from my hike, so I did. And he invited me to a BBQ at his house. I said “no” that I just wanted to stay home and “lay low.” The next day he didn’t email me at all and I didn’t email him. Then late, late last night he emailed saying he wanted to go for another run with me. And today he’s been IMing but it’s all jokes and fun. Which is fine, but I guess I’m feeling sortof vulnerable now that I’ve told him how I felt and stuff. I just don’t want him or me to be weirded out by it. He’s just a plain great, honest, funny guy (and gorgeous too!) and I haven’t had these kinds of genuine sparks for soooo long. (Besides fleeting lustful feelings). On our run, both of us were just nonstop talking and smiling, the conversation just flowed sooooo great. My question is: now should I just go with the flow and hang out with him, or should I continue to be 100% honest about what I’m feeling. He is a very sensitive guy and a little shy too. Is it bad to just ask if he has any romantic feelings, or if it’s "all friends" type of thing?? Or should I wait?? If I should wait, how long??? I just don’t know. I’m sooo bad at this relationship stuff. I feel like I’m just sooooo scarred of putting myself out there. So scared of rejection... especially since he is sooo nice. And I guess I need to know that he feels the same, even though he is showing that he does. I guess, I’m more of a verbal girl. What do you think?? Any insights into the male psyche or stories about past experiences would be greatly appreciated!
Merin Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 Actions speak louder than words... You've already put yourself out there in telling him how you feel.. IMO he reciprocated in kind by inviting you to his home for a BBQ... I don't think it's him thats feeling freaky out about how you feel.. LOL I think it's you. Keep going out with this Guy... casually with other people or alone... he already likes you right... so yeah don't worry about this so much.
ConfusedInOC Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 Eeek. I wouldn't have told him you had a crush on him. He'll think he has the advantage now, lol. All I can advise you on is to take things slow and easy. Really get to know this guy. Communicate a lot and ask a long of questions. What does he want, do you know?
alphamale Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 you've been on one date...don't put the cart before the horse. take your time and relax (maybe pop a few Xanax). pushing too hard too soon will drive him away. and don't start naming the kids yet or dreaming what they'll look like.
Merin Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale (maybe pop a few Xanax). Yay for Xanex! This is going to be the first bit of advice I give to everyone. WAIT.. it is the first bit of advise I give to everyone everyday
alphamale Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 Originally posted by Merin Yay for Xanex! happy pills
TUDOR Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 Sounds to me like you putting "it" out there hasn't detured him in any way. He is still talking to you, inviting you to do things, etc. A lot of guys are shy and really need some kind of sign or clue that you are in fact interested before they will make their move. Call it fear of rejection or what ever, but you have taking away that part of the guessing game for him and I'm sure he was relieved to hear it. Just keep doing what you're doing. Let it take its natural course without forcing it as if you never said anything. My guess is though you have not done anything to hurt your chances but in fact improved them. But you have to relax and let him come around to where you are. Have fun and good luck.
Author SummerRae Posted May 3, 2005 Author Posted May 3, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale happy pills Shut up Alphamale!! I have all the happy pills I need. I'm not jumping the gun, I'm just being honest about how I feel. Apparently, I'm not supposed to do that??? Hold reservations??? I will let him take the intiative from here on out, thank you. Jeeeez. I'm just asking for opinions.
Author SummerRae Posted May 3, 2005 Author Posted May 3, 2005 Originally posted by TUDOR Sounds to me like you putting "it" out there hasn't detured him in any way. He is still talking to you, inviting you to do things, etc. A lot of guys are shy and really need some kind of sign or clue that you are in fact interested before they will make their move. Call it fear of rejection or what ever, but you have taking away that part of the guessing game for him and I'm sure he was relieved to hear it. Just keep doing what you're doing. Let it take its natural course without forcing it as if you never said anything. My guess is though you have not done anything to hurt your chances but in fact improved them. But you have to relax and let him come around to where you are. Have fun and good luck. Thank you Tudor, that is great advice! I guess my fear stems from that "once bitten twice shy" thing. I just don't want to put myself out there, unless i know he digs me too! I know he had fun because he has said that, but I just want to be sure he is lookin' for what I am, I don't know........... that's just me.
TUDOR Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 Originally posted by SummerRae I guess my fear stems from that "once bitten twice shy" thing. I just don't want to put myself out there, unless i know he digs me too! I know he had fun because he has said that, but I just want to be sure he is lookin' for what I am, I don't know........... that's just me. Once bitten....was that White Snake? Sounds like you are both in the same boat. So many people miss their opportunity because both people were to gun shy to go out on the limb and make the first move. Me thinks this guy likes you or would have tucked tail and ran the moment he heard you say crush. Life is too short in my opinion to play all the dating games. Some times you have to put yourself out there so that you don't waste time only to find out their intentions were nothing what your's were. But it is fine balance of brutal honesty at the right moments so as to not freak him out and run him off but still let him know where you are and what you want.
Author SummerRae Posted May 3, 2005 Author Posted May 3, 2005 Thanks Tudor, that's such a healthy perspective. Will def. keep it in mind. I'm going to just be casual and have fun....... and see where it goes. I know we'll have a good time on our run. He's just easy to talk to like that. I think/know the fear is all in my head. I just don't know how to permanently dispell it, u know??
ConfusedInOC Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 Originally posted by TUDOR Once bitten....was that White Snake? "Once bitten, twice shy" - Great White
TUDOR Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 The only way to really experience love is to give in to it and make yourself vulnerable to it. Kind of like the lottery....you can't win if you don't play.
UCFKevin Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 I say just go with the flow. Don't give him a running commentary on how you're feeling, give him a bit of a mystery, a bit of a chase. Don't rush into anything but you obviously like this guy and he obviously likes you so I would have no worries if I was you.
Author SummerRae Posted May 3, 2005 Author Posted May 3, 2005 true. I think it's just the fear that one experiences once one has been hurt. I was, hurt pretty badly in a previous relationship and am just extra cautious now. I know it’s in my head, but knowing that does not make it easier to handle. I think I need to go to councilling before I’m able to fully engage myself, without fear… thanx for your feedback, I’ll work on it.
Author SummerRae Posted May 4, 2005 Author Posted May 4, 2005 well, I went on the run w/ him and it was a total BLAST just like Friday night. We just totally click sense of humour wise... afterwards, he walked me to my front door (he lives like 3 blocks away) and we just talked and talked. His buddies kept calling him to get him to come home for sushi and I was like, "well, you better go." He's like, "well, tomorrow you're coming to practice, right?" Then he invited me on a hike on the weekend and then to play pool after. It was really cool though just how much we have in common. I think I just OVER-think things sometimes. Fear, I suppose. But I'm definitely going to take my HAPPY pills everyday!
Recommended Posts