RSEJ Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Okay... its quite a long story, im just looking for your opinions..i guess:confused: I want you to keep in mind the following. Im 22 and I have been with woman sexually but i have never had a gf and this was my first taste of true love. I have had woman wanting to be my girlfriend but if im honest i was never fully physically attracted to them enough and i didnt feel a connection like this. I dont know what im expecting from writing this.. This girl.. - has apparently been treated badly by guys all her life. - she apparently goes for bad boys. I am not one of those and never will be (purely out of choice). - She herself has a bitchy side to her. Her friends have said she doesnt know when a good thing is infront of her.. i guess she is a "product of her own environment". - What i do not understand is the girl i initally met was so kind and caring for me. - I feel i will never get a girl as beautiful as she was, i know this is stupid but ye.. i didnt fall in love with her beauty (i explain this below). So this happened across a 5 month period from March 2015 to now March 2015 I met this girl at the end of a night out. I looked her up on FB and thought she was hot yes but it wasnt love at first sight, she was beuatiful but i didnt think this girl is ****ing gorgous (so i did not fall in love with her looks). We started texting for a good two weeks and we met up for a drink. She then came to mine on a weekend, we kissed she even pulled the "im a virgin card" on me, i presume she wanted to see my reaction.. we went on a night out got drunk, laughed together, made out etc. Met up for further drinks etc., she told me i was her type i said the same.. we clicked...etc Mid/late March She tells me shes starting to feel for me and that she cant do this anymore as im going back home (England) in 5 months... this wasnt the reason.. it turns out a German guy is returning for a 10 day travel as part of his round world trip. They had previous history. I try everything I can to win her back but it doesnt work. When she cut me off, i was bummed but I had no idea i had fallen in love. This concept was completely new to me, I woke up with the worst feeling in my stomach.. Beginning of May The international guy comes and they go off for a holiday that she paid for and i accept it, i say to myself "If its meant to be between those two who am I to ruin that"... I start feeling a bit better around mid May. Beginning of June I put up a status (nothing to do with her) and she comments on it, i also see her in town. She asks to meet up as friends to apologise how she cut me off.. I know I still am deeply in love with her. We meet up.. It turns out the guy used her as a **** buddy and a friend. She expected him to fall in love with her and wisk her away but he didnt...(karmas a bitch right?). She says she still has feelings for him but she wished she could delete the time with him and carry on with me. That should've set off an alarm in my head but I was naive. She phones me and we chat I ask her do you feelings for me? she says yes. However its me holding out my hand all the time trying to give her a second chance, shes not fighting for it at all. We chat on a Friday for 2 hours on the phone, again i ask do you feel for me etc. she says yes.. she even sang to me. Sunday we meet up to go on a date kind of thing and she is pissed off.. I try and ask why she wont say until finally she says that she tried to skype the international guy and tell him that she needs to break contact and move on but she didnt as his grandma had died. I then try to put my arm around her and she wont let me... I get angry and say" how to you expect me to feel if your background on your phone is a picture of their shadows together (the german) and i cant even put my arm around you!"... she replies with "sorry ill change it" and "If i didnt want to be with you i wouldnt be seen with you, if i didnt want to be with a guy i wouldnt be seen with them in town!"- this is good, thats what i want to hear...we even walk past the travel agent and it says flights to England and she picks up a brochure, i thought everything was going great! The next day she apologises for acting the way she did. I then ask her for thursday if she wants to come round mine watch a film, open a bottle of wine etc. She says yes. Wednesday morning i wake up and i see on my phone.. 4.10am - lets make it friday 4.20am - lets do lunch instead 4.30am - actually i need the weekend to think about things.. I tell her im scared of losing her again. She then says she doesnt feel for me and we can be friends but nothing more. Once again i am devasted and i revert back to my initial self. I meet up with her at work in the lunch and say whats goining on... she ends it and has the cheek to say "Can we get this done quick i have stuff to do" and calls me "selfish".. I block her on fb delete her, block her on whats app and try to delete her.. I end up unlobking her on fb but not re adding her and i have unblocked her on whatsapp. July I am about to leave the country. I text her saying i want us to end things on a friendly note so i can be at peace with myself and move on.. i actually want to get closure but i dont tell her this. She doesnt allow me to meet her. I say fine fair enough, i wish her the best of luck and i go my way. 1 week later im in the club with my friends and a girl i met. She is there with one of her girlfriends, i acknoledge her, say hi and then just concentrate on enjoying my night. She starts dancing next to me, bumping into me and my friends shoulder nudging us, pointing and laughing with her friend trying to make me jealous, she even kicks my shoes as i walk past. She is obviously drunk and i completley ignore her.. I send her a message a few days later before i leave the country saying all the stuff i want to say how she never let me get closure saying how desperate she looked and childish that night, how i fell in love with a completely different person. She doesnt even apologise..after all she put me through. i miss her but, i miss the old her. The woman i fell in love with not the bitchy girl i came to know.. the second time i was always trying to take her out trying to see her, make her smile.. i brought flowers to her work she loved them. However she wouldnt go out of her way to meet me like i shoulve realised something was wrong. At Present I have her on whatsapp thats it.. I am returning to her country maybe in about a year. I fear that she will contact me when i return she knows im coming back). What I learnt.. - I hate the fact i lost self respect, self honour i let this girl walk into my life again so easily, its like when she clicked her fingers, i came running. NEVER AGAIN. - I was too keen the second time and maybe it looked desperate. I dont know.. - I feel i treated her too well, i "put the pussy on a pedestal" and she wasnt used to that, she thought she could upgrade. The thing i hate is, i never got closure, thats all i wanted. To know why she led me on the second time why she said all the things she said. I guess i will never know. I also now feel that she was so beuatiful and im worried i will never get a girl as good looking as her (i know relationships and love shouldnt be based on this). Im angry she opened my heart with no intention of loving it. Despite all of this, i feel deep down she was not the right girl for me i cant really explain why.. maybe its her bitchy attitude. I feel like i wouldve been hurt somewhere down the line if i had stayed with her. Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved before... right?. But seriously If somebody said I could erase her from your mind, i wouldnt.. I have learnt so much from this. I guess it hurts so much as ive never had a gf in my life and i was so close to having something great.
pa888 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Oh you poor thing I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like this chick just likes to play games. She played all these games between you and the German guy and then in the club you went to. If she's not able to handle herself as a mature adult when it comes to relationships then continuing to talk to her is not worth your time. 99% of the people on here came to find out how they can get closure on their breakup, and 99% did not get closure from the one who broke their heart. It will come from within She was probably hurt because she wanted to be with German guy but he rejected her. To boost her ego and feel like she was still important to someone she decided to push your buttons and your reaction boosted her shattered ego. The only thing you can do is go back to removing her from your life and never contacting her again. I know you don't want to hear it but there are 7 billions people out there, and half of them are women If you were able to fall for just one of those 3.5 billion, I'm sure you can do it again, and the new girl will be so much better
Author RSEJ Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 Oh you poor thing I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like this chick just likes to play games. She played all these games between you and the German guy and then in the club you went to. If she's not able to handle herself as a mature adult when it comes to relationships then continuing to talk to her is not worth your time. 99% of the people on here came to find out how they can get closure on their breakup, and 99% did not get closure from the one who broke their heart. It will come from within She was probably hurt because she wanted to be with German guy but he rejected her. To boost her ego and feel like she was still important to someone she decided to push your buttons and your reaction boosted her shattered ego. The only thing you can do is go back to removing her from your life and never contacting her again. I know you don't want to hear it but there are 7 billions people out there, and half of them are women If you were able to fall for just one of those 3.5 billion, I'm sure you can do it again, and the new girl will be so much better First of all thankyou for reading and for your advice I feel like I just want to fall back in love with someone else (try and find someone else)..is this a good thing to do or should I give it some time, go on a break? I still feel for her but she has put me through too much to ever go back to her and like I said I saw her true colours in the way she delt with this.
pa888 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I feel the exact same way with my situation From all of my rejections the way I truly knew I moved on was when I'd find a new crush. But this time is different because I am actually dealing with a broken relationship and a real broken heart, in addition to the rejection. So I've decided that I'd rather enjoy being single and drama free for the time being before I move on to my next crush. It's kind of freeing enjoying, well the freedom of being single. No boyfriends, no problems I suggest you just take some time to let yourself heal and really enjoy being single and drama free, after all the crap this chick gave you. The last thing you want is to fill in the void with the next person you find, you know? When you truly are ready to move on to the next person and pursue a healthy relationship you'll know, but for now I saw you have time and there's no need to rush things
Author RSEJ Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 I feel the exact same way with my situation From all of my rejections the way I truly knew I moved on was when I'd find a new crush. But this time is different because I am actually dealing with a broken relationship and a real broken heart, in addition to the rejection. So I've decided that I'd rather enjoy being single and drama free for the time being before I move on to my next crush. It's kind of freeing enjoying, well the freedom of being single. No boyfriends, no problems I suggest you just take some time to let yourself heal and really enjoy being single and drama free, after all the crap this chick gave you. The last thing you want is to fill in the void with the next person you find, you know? When you truly are ready to move on to the next person and pursue a healthy relationship you'll know, but for now I saw you have time and there's no need to rush things Thankyou your words made me feel better. Thankyou for your taking your time to think about someone elses problems. I have managed to delete her on FB (not block her though), delete her on whatsapp (though i still have her phone number in the phone). Theres no chance I will ever contact her... I feel if someone said delete her from your phone.. i wouldnt want to.. :/
pa888 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I'm glad I'm helping I unfriended my ex on FB and haven't talked to him since he dumped me 3 months ago but I can't get myself to delete his number. It will come with time. Like the boy I crushed on before my ex, who I felt played me, I had stopped talking to him but couldn't get myself to unfriend. It wasn't until a long time later, many months, when I finally was like, you know what, I don't even want to be friends with this person on FB because I don't want him to see what I'm doing in life. I personally prefer the baby step process, but that's because I believe I've had a lot of self-control in these situations. If you don't trust yourself to not go begging and crying for a second chance then I say the bandaid: right off approach is best and you should remove anything and everything. If you think you can work through the pain and move on in a healthy manner then I say baby steps is fine, and you will feel proud of yourself when you get to the point that you feel comfortable deleting her number. But like i said that's my approach, I say do what you think is bet for yourself
mightycpa Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 RSEJ - there's no such thing as closure. Nothing she can do, nothing she can say, nothing you want to hear will come out of her mouth. She can tell you she loves you, and you'll wonder why she's being like this. She can tell you she hates you, and you'll wonder what changed. She can tell you she's confused, and you'll want to help her figure it out together. She can tell you she has a terminal disease, and you'll wonder why she won't spend her last days with you. She can tell you goodbye and you won't want to leave. There's no such thing as this closure you're looking for until you create it yourself. That is when you don't care any more. There's no shortcuts, but there is delay. Delay is when you go back for more, and you go back again, and again and again, and you fail to get started. This is not a very satisfying answer to you, but it is the truth. Good luck. 1
Gus Grimly Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 RSEJ - there's no such thing as closure. Nothing she can do, nothing she can say, nothing you want to hear will come out of her mouth. She can tell you she loves you, and you'll wonder why she's being like this. She can tell you she hates you, and you'll wonder what changed. She can tell you she's confused, and you'll want to help her figure it out together. She can tell you she has a terminal disease, and you'll wonder why she won't spend her last days with you. She can tell you goodbye and you won't want to leave....... ^^This was awesome. Holy Break Up Batman I think I'm starting to "get it". This was an excellent way of seeing it from a different view point. Thank you!
Author RSEJ Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 pa888, there is no way i will ever contacther i can say that with huge certainty and i agree, it feels i guess mabe vbetter to remov her from my life in this way. I have her number on my phone however there is a + in the middle of it, this makes it so she wont appear on my whatsapp.. the other day i readded it correctly just to see her status, then i reverted it back... i guss sooner or later i will have to remove it completely. mighty cpa- i know... 5 months later i finally realise, thankyou for your words though. The easiest thing about this was that, yes in the beginning she was caring kind funny etc. however I really got to see her true colours and all her negatives and they werent pretty. It makes it easier to move on.. but htis is all i have ever known so there is nothing to compare it to. The ... worry i have is that... when i went to her country (South africa) i was able to attract girls that were physically alot more attractive than i usually would in my home country.. my friends in SA were sooo surprised i had never had a gf at the age of 22... now im back in my home country and i just dont get the same attention.
Recommended Posts