metalloid Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 (edited) I am really confused & I could use your openion. little history: 4 years ago I was in a relationship with my gf before we broke up. She had alot of issues, including talking to multiple guys at once. She was 14. 9 months ago we have reunited after she has been through several bad relationships. She knew my worth and came back. The problem: Everything was great. We were the perfect couples. Everyone envied us. We did super romantic things just like the movies. And she was extremely happy. The past couple of months we started having fights. She is too conservative and she was holding back on the physical stuff. She was always scared as if she has been abused. I dealt with it fine until she started holding back ridiculously. She said she wanted to save it till after marriage. In addition to the fights, she had exams and we didnt talk much. Suddenly she became too sensitive and started picking on fights, all while ignoring me more & more & getting colder. Eventually started avoiding meeting up with me. Things getting worse: I didnt change. I kept on supporting her and being super nice. She ignore me more & more and got even colder. She stopped even saying things like "babe" or "I love you". she missed my birthday, missed our anniversary, and any other chance for us to meet coldly. She stopped texting me even while she was online while she used to text me 10 hours a day. Confrontation: I confronted her of why she has changed. she avoided to talk about it. After I insisted alot She said its not my fault at all. But she wished I had supported her still instead of blaming her. She said she is in alot of stress, mostly studies coz she was entering collage. Plus the fights we have been making affected her perspective of me. When she was talking about it she broke down in tears for an hour and started screaming about it hysterically and it felt like there was much more to it, but she refused to add anything. I asked her if she wanted space or for us to separate she went crazier and started talking sh*t to me of how I am acting like her old ex's. Then added "I dont care anymore what u think or do. DO whatever u feel comfortable" while crying. My doubts: This has happened not only after our fights, but after moving into collage and seeing her guy friends there and her ex who signed up to the same collage. This is the first time she meet her guy friends since a long time (she was in a girls-only school). I feel like this have affected her alot. Why I didnt end it: I really felt sorry for her. We have been through alot. And I really love her more than anything even though she is being cold and breaking my heart. I felt like she was expecting me to dump her and has mentally prepared for it. But I refused to be the one who does it (fearing regret later on) because she was still hinting that she needed me but "I am not understanding her anymore" she said. The things I should have done and didnt: Usually in these cases I realize the guy should give the girl space and be cold with her too until she realized what she is doing. But she isnt like that. She likes guy who beg for a girl. I tried that strategy and it pushed her even further and started blaming me for not caring for her anymore as before. And I dont want it to be my fault ! Bottom line: all in all, she says she wants me but acts in a completely different way. She is acting like the time before we broke 4 years ago. I cant confirm that she is cheating. I doubt it though. She seems just confused. Should I treat her the same ? Should I stay the caring guy I am even though I am mistreated back ? Should I end it and throw everything I have done for her (which is ALOT of sacrifices) out the window? I have been realy the ideal boyfriend for her and all her friends and her sister envy her and calling her behavior with me irrational. Edited July 12, 2015 by metalloid
d0nnivain Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 She wants to date you. She is 18 & has told you in no uncertain terms that she does not want to have sex but would prefer to save that for marriage. Leaving aside the ethical debate about the wisdom of that decision or the probability that she will change her mind at some point, for now, she doesn't want sex. You classify that as being too conservative & accuse her of "holding back." No woman is going to stay in love with a man who claims she is deliberately hurting him or who pressures her into a sexual relationship she is not ready for. That is the source of the friction in your relationship. For now be happy with kissing but stop pushing for sex. Keep the other aspects of the romance going. Things should improve in your relationship when you show her that you respect her wishes.
Author metalloid Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 I dont think you undertood well. I mentioned that I respected her demands about sex, but notice that I said she started holding back even more, meaning she started to refrain from kissing after being the one who used to demand it alot in the past. You see the problem here ? She is taking a step back from everything
mightycpa Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 (edited) I think she doesn't want to be with you, and she likes being around those other boys. She stopped kissing you? If that's not a clue, I don't know what is. Maybe she's afraid to tell you, and she hopes you'll either take the hint or get sick of the way things are. She appears to be going out of her way to make it miserable for you. She seems just confused.She's not confused. You're confused. That's why you're here, trying to get help figuring it out. she isnt like that. She likes guy who beg for a girl. She likes guys to beg her? Decide if you're going to be a beggar or a man. Here's my prescription: If a you're a beggar: Then beg like a dog for your table scraps. In fact, can you hear her dog whistle blowing right now? Can you? If a man: Then the very first thing you have to decide is that you don't need her ****, and that you will give her up. If you can't convince yourself of that, then go be a beggar. Everything below can only be done if you have decided to give her up. She doesn't want to explain or discuss? Then don't explain or discuss. She doesn't want physical contact? Then no physical contact. She misses important occasions? Then no important occasions. What's left? Nothing. Walk away silently. Don't say goodbye, don't "end it", just disappear. Make her beg you if she ever wants to talk to you again. Trust me, she won't, and you'll be rid of this nonsense for good. It's not your fault, no matter what she thinks. Even better? It won't matter what she thinks, because you'll never know. Edited July 13, 2015 by mightycpa
Author metalloid Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 Walk away silently. Don't say goodbye, don't "end it", just disappear. Make her beg you if she ever wants to talk to you again. Trust me, she won't, and you'll be rid of this nonsense for good. Thank you for putting some sense into me. The things you have said are just plain true. Today we could have met but she claimed to be "busy", even though tomorrow she is traveling and I wont see her for at least 2 weeks. So I guess it cant get any more obvious from this. She is avoiding me. I wont say goodbye. I'm just going to walk away & disappear. And knowing her well, she wont chase me, she only likes chasers. She is used to being chased by all the guys. I guess it was never meant to be even though it looked perfect at the beginning. I havent done anything wrong. She admitted that. I guess she just got distracted by other guys. So much for faithfulness
Recommended Posts