BriNyc82 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Any words of wisdom for getting over the fallout? I have accepted we are over and at this point I don't even wish to get back together. In my mind our relationship was great and healthy. I want him to remember me as the girl that I was when we together. Not this crazy person who can't control her emotions. I am just feeling really guilty and embarrassed at how clingy I became once it ended bc I was always he cool girl when we dated.
mightycpa Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Any words of wisdom for getting over the fallout? I have accepted we are over and at this point I don't even wish to get back together. In my mind our relationship was great and healthy. I want him to remember me as the girl that I was when we together. Not this crazy person who can't control her emotions. I am just feeling really guilty and embarrassed at how clingy I became once it ended bc I was always he cool girl when we dated. Too late. You can't erase someone's memory. He knows you're all cool, calm and collected on the outside, but in the soft gooey middle, you're something else. Let it go. If it hasn't happened already, he won't be thinking about you much anyway, so it won't matter how he might remember you. Whatever you might do now will just compound what he knows about you already.
Author BriNyc82 Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 Thanks mighty I'm just having a hard time forgiving myself. Our relationship was very respectful and healthy up until it ended. Mostly my doing. A lot of my anger came from a place of pain. I am in Nc and have zero desire to talk to him. I know I need to use this as a lesson learned for the future but I feel so crummy about myself.
mightycpa Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Thanks mighty I'm just having a hard time forgiving myself. Our relationship was very respectful and healthy up until it ended. Mostly my doing. A lot of my anger came from a place of pain. I am in Nc and have zero desire to talk to him. I know I need to use this as a lesson learned for the future but I feel so crummy about myself. You probably learned something about yourself that you didn't think was possible. Now you know. You don't seem to like it, so you have something to work on. We are all a work-in-progress, and nothing stays static, not even the good parts of us. You're feeling bad about a snapshot of you in time. Don't confuse that for who you are. Like I said, let it go, and see it for what it is. Maybe you should prepare a speech to have at the ready for the next time you get dumped... whoa, did I just say next time? If you don't want to repeat the past, then you have to prepare for it.
Author BriNyc82 Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 Thank you that makes me feel better. I don't want this one thing to define me and it certainly doesn't. I am such a rational person in general but with every breakup I become irrational and emotional. I keep saying next time it will be different but it's not. Maybe this is a test. That until I can control my emotions I shouldn't be with someone or something. Maybe I do need to prepare for it better
dandylioness Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 BriNyc82 - I don't think you have anything to be ashamed or embarrassed about in terms of how things ended and how you'd behaved. During break ups, as much as we try to hold it together, there will be times when our emotions get the best of us and we will react in a way that we think is not pleasant. However, it's happened and what you do now is accept it and learn from it. I can tell you that although it feels like it right now, in the long-run it DOES NOT matter what your ex-boyfriend thinks of you or what impression he holds of you in the end. If YOU believe you are a cool, calm and collected chick, then that is what you are. Hold you head up with dignity and he proud of who you are. There is nothing wrong with being emotional. There is certainly nothing "crazy" about being emotional, especially after a break up. Don't let the cynics and emotional cowards out there tell you otherwise. You are human and it wouldn't be normal if you hadn't reacted, unless you were an unfeeling person with no compassion. I guarantee you that your ex boyfriend does not think badly of you and if he does, then who cares - he's your ex boyfriend now! The only person whose opinions matters now is YOURS. The right person for you would UNDERSTAND your emotions and help you work through them, not make you feel and about having emotions. You're going to be great, just keep believing that you are! 1
Author BriNyc82 Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 Thank you dandy!!! I think my emotions also seem more magnified bc he's one of those people who shuts down and is scared to face his true feelings. I know breakups are never a clean easy break but I wish I could look back on the time we spent and say "ok he's a good person I wish him well it just didn't work out with us". Maybe one day I will get there. I know I'm a great catch and I have so many healthy relationships with people in my life who do understand me. I remind myself that I am able to give and receive love and I would rather put my heart on the line and feel for people rather than shut myself out from the world. Thank you for the kind words of encouragement.
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