Author rov Posted July 16, 2015 Author Posted July 16, 2015 I don't think it necessarily makes a person emotionally unstable in next relationship after an emotionally abusive one. I think it could IF he/she is not over the hurt of it or projecting it onto the new relationship. If he/she is an emotionally unstable person in general--that is their constant state of being OR if it's just an excuse. If you ask me about the girl you like, I think it probably has more to do with immense pressure of her med school and not being that into you and/or maybe just the way she is altogether. I think you are latching onto her past relationship as the "thing". Because it's the ONE thing you can combat, because you are telling yourself: I'm not like her ex, I can treat her well, she will see, If only I can show her I'm not like that. I think she is using it as an excuse when she feels like being closer with you and you are hoping irrationally that it's THE reason. There is nothing to "solve" here. It's an unfixable problem at this point. But I don't understand why suddenly she texted me and pursued me and told me I was a great guy, that she liked me and that she had a deep connection with me and suddenly she goes distant and cold. That is what puzzles me a lot.
Diezel Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 But I don't understand why suddenly she texted me and pursued me and told me I was a great guy, that she liked me and that she had a deep connection with me and suddenly she goes distant and cold. That is what puzzles me a lot. Stop trying to crack the code. Just be done with her, move on. 2
Redhead14 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 But I don't understand why suddenly she texted me and pursued me and told me I was a great guy, that she liked me and that she had a deep connection with me and suddenly she goes distant and cold. That is what puzzles me a lot. Stop trying to read her. She's inconsistent and that's all you do and really need to know. Get out of her head and definitely stay out of your own head right now. Go out and gave fun. Distract yourself for a while and that will allow you to see what it is you need to do clearly and accept it. 1
katiegrl Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Stop trying to crack the code. Just be done with her, move on. ^^^^^^This, this and THIS! And have yourself a great summer!! :bunny:
Versacehottie Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 But I don't understand why suddenly she texted me and pursued me and told me I was a great guy, that she liked me and that she had a deep connection with me and suddenly she goes distant and cold. That is what puzzles me a lot. I could tell you the reasons, but I don't want to keep feeding the beast. If you don't think I can read through the lines and know that you are trying to grasp at anything so that you think you can leverage your way into her life, you would be wrong. I would be doing you a disservice. Find a new gf and new situation with new gf. Sorry.
Author rov Posted July 16, 2015 Author Posted July 16, 2015 I could tell you the reasons, but I don't want to keep feeding the beast. If you don't think I can read through the lines and know that you are trying to grasp at anything so that you think you can leverage your way into her life, you would be wrong. I would be doing you a disservice. Find a new gf and new situation with new gf. Sorry. What do you think are the reasons?, it would be nice to hear them
katiegrl Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 What do you think are the reasons?, it would be nice to hear them Well, maybe she has BPD, maybe she is bipolar, maybe she is sociopathic......or maybe still in love with her abusive ex ......bottom line is she IS emotionally unstable, unbalanced and dysfunctional. And you need to move on.
Redhead14 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 What do you think are the reasons?, it would be nice to hear them If we tell you those possible reasons, you will use the information to try to manipulate the situation, her and yourself in an attempt to make it work. What you will do with the information is attempt to change yourself and compromise your needs to accomodate it and keep it going. You cannot fix her. What you can do is fix yourself. You are really the issue here. Focus on why it is you feel the need to put yourself in an unhealthy situation. That is self-abuse. Why do that to yourself? 1
Author rov Posted July 16, 2015 Author Posted July 16, 2015 (edited) It just all seemed weird, how can she change her mind in just one day??. She texted me, wanted to see me, said that she liked me, that felt a deep connection with me, she told me to never let her go, and told me that she was excited to experiment new things with me, that she liked me a lot. Then after the discussion where she cried and told me that she was sad and pissed because I didn't call her that much, after this discussion I texted her and she started acting weird and distant, and the next week she didn't contacted me as she used to, she just contacted me one day in the whole week and from there things went down till she told me that she wants to be alone because she says that I'm pursuing a relationship because the last time I saw her i asked her to be my girlfriend after almost two months of dating, she told me that she wasn't ready for a relationship but that she wanted to keep hanging out with me and in december when she finished school we would become a couple, I said: perfect, lets go for it. After this things were perfect the newt week, she texted me a lot and called me but this lasted only one week till sunday, the day she cried and got mad because i didn't called her often, since that day she started acting distant and cold. And last monday she called me to tell me that she was distant because she wanted to be alone, and said that I am pursuing a relationship and that she is not and I told her that why she changed her mind if we talked about this before and we had agreed to take things slow, she was the one who proposed to take things slow and see where does it go. Im very sad and confused. I met her 4 months ago through Facebook and she was in an internship in France at that time, she had just one month left to return to our country when we started talking, she told me that we could use that month before returning to Mexico to know each other well and then we could meet in person, we talked almost daily, and she contacted me very often. Then she returned and we went on a date and from there we stopped talking and chatting that much till her ex wanted to see her and said nasty things to her and made her feel bad, she contacted me after this and said that I was such a cool and great guy and told me that if we could see each other again and from there we started seeing each other often. Is there a chance she will contact me someday?. Today I just sent her a text saying hi and saying that I hope to see her one day and she didn't even answered. But I know my best bet is to forget her and move on. Edited July 16, 2015 by rov
preraph Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 If you're comfortable calling her more to make her happy, then call her more. If that is outside your comfort zone, then you two aren't right for each other anyway. She very well may have attention needs that exceed any long distance boyfriend.
Redhead14 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 It just all seemed weird, how can she change her mind in just one day??. She texted me, wanted to see me, said that she liked me, that felt a deep connection with me, she told me to never let her go, and told me that she was excited to experiment new things with me, that she liked me a lot. Then after the discussion where she cried and told me that she was sad and pissed because I didn't call her that much, after this discussion I texted her and she started acting weird and distant, and the next week she didn't contacted me as she used to, she just contacted me one day in the whole week and from there things went down till she told me that she wants to be alone because she says that I'm pursuing a relationship because the last time I saw her i asked her to be my girlfriend after almost two months of dating, she told me that she wasn't ready for a relationship but that she wanted to keep hanging out with me and in december when she finished school we would become a couple, I said: perfect, lets go for it. After this things were perfect the newt week, she texted me a lot and called me but this lasted only one week till sunday, the day she cried and got mad because i didn't called her often, since that day she started acting distant and cold. And last monday she called me to tell me that she was distant because she wanted to be alone, and said that I am pursuing a relationship and that she is not and I told her that why she changed her mind if we talked about this before and we had agreed to take things slow, she was the one who proposed to take things slow and see where does it go. Im very sad and confused. I met her 4 months ago through Facebook and she was in an internship in France at that time, she had just one month left to return to our country when we started talking, she told me that we could use that month before returning to Mexico to know each other well and then we could meet in person, we talked almost daily, and she contacted me very often. Then she returned and we went on a date and from there we stopped talking and chatting that much till her ex wanted to see her and said nasty things to her and made her feel bad, she contacted me after this and said that I was such a cool and great guy and told me that if we could see each other again and from there we started seeing each other often. Is there a chance she will contact me someday?. Today I just sent her a text saying hi and saying that I hope to see her one day and she didn't even answered. But I know my best bet is to forget her and move on. How do we know if she will contact you again? I pray she doesn't. Because you will start a new thread that runs in a hopeless loop. We've given you advice and every single piece of advice tells you to move on and stop analyzing her. By running through this over and over you are negating and dismissing the time, support and intentions of everyone here. Re-read this thread. You will see the loop you are in -- obsessing. If you saw someone doing that, what would you think? Self-reflection and truth will set you free. I'm going tough love with you, you need a kick in the rear-end. Start posting things that are all about YOU and moving forward. That will be what best serves you. 1
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