Girl got mad because I don't call her often!!

[Versacehottie]

I don´t want to live on false hopes but do you think she will contact me one day?. I ve met her 4 months ago and we dated for about a month and a half?.

 

I don't want to give you false hopes either. There's no real way to tell. The best thing you can do is help yourself by focusing on yourself. Gain confidence, set up other options, work on yourself. In that new headspace, you actually might be bothered by way she has treated you (I would be). And in a more equal place to deal with ANYONE that comes into your life. You need to work on this self-esteem so that you can have a successful relationship. Don't live in the past only today and your goals. Good luck

[joseb]

Personally, if someone told me they were emotionally unstable I would run.

[rov]

I don't want to give you false hopes either. There's no real way to tell. The best thing you can do is help yourself by focusing on yourself. Gain confidence, set up other options, work on yourself. In that new headspace, you actually might be bothered by way she has treated you (I would be). And in a more equal place to deal with ANYONE that comes into your life. You need to work on this self-esteem so that you can have a successful relationship. Don't live in the past only today and your goals. Good luck

 

Its being really hard for me to avoid contacting her but I know that will only drive her away even more. Why does begging and pleading never works when you want to get them back?

[Redhead14]

Hi, I met this girl through Facebook 3 months ago, we started talking a lot daily. We both are from Mexico and she was doing her medical internship in Europe when we met through Facebook. A month later she returned from Europe and we have been dating for about a month, she broke up from a 3 year relationship 6 months ago because her boyfriend went to another state to make his medical service and he dumped her, he was very emotionally abusive with her, she is surprised that I treat her so well. We have very good chemistry and great spark. So well, we have been dating for about a month, we had already held hands and kissed a lot.

 

Two weeks I asked her to be my girlfriend and she told me that she we should wait for being a couple, she says we should keep dating and knowing each other. She told me she is overwhelmed because of her medical service and that she is afraid to get hurt again because of her past relationship but she told me that if we just keep dating and knowing each other till the end of the year she will be ready by then and become my girlfriend. She said she wants me to meet her parent and friends before being her boyfriend. After we spoke this on saturday she sent me a text saying that she wants to enjoy every step we take, she wants to explore many things with me and that it will be great. I don't know if she wants to keep me in the back burner or what. The other issue is that she will go to Europe or New York to make her masters degree in one year and a half, I don't know what to do, if cut the looses right now or just see where things go. I don't want to get hurt. I don't know if she wants friends with benefits before a commitment.

 

Last time I saw her was two weeks ago, last week we texted all the week normally and talked on the phone a few times. She told me that wee could see each other last sunday and I agreed, she told me me would confirm if she could hang out with me. So she called me at 7 pm and said: Im tired because of my medical service, I didn´t slept last night so I told her that there was no problem and that we could hang out when she has her two vacations which begin next week, so then she started getting mad at me and started crying because I don´t call her that often, she also told me that she was offended because I didn't insisted in seeing her this day and I told her that why would I insist if she is telling me that we will not see each other because she is tired, she wanted me to beg her. Then she told me that because I told her that we would see when she had vacations that meant that i don't wanted to see her before. She misinterpreted everything, it was frustrating. Were are not a couple, she made it clear she doesn't want anything serious with me till december when she finishes school but said that she wants to keep hanging out with me and wants us to keep knowing each other, and she wants me to do thins a boyfriend does, like calling all the time,etc but she doesn't want commitment, it is not fair. I always call her two times a week and we text during the day, she ended up hanging the phone to me saying that she didn´t wanted to talk about it anymore until the next day. The next day I sent her some flowers and she texted me in the night thanking me for them and saying that it was a generous gift and that she didn´t know why I did that. So my goal was to try to call her more and initiate contact more often. The results were not very good, I initiated contact ten times this week, I called her 4 times and 6 were through text. She only initiated contact the day I didn´t called her or texted her on purpose which was on Thursday. So my theory was right, when I started to contacted her more often she contacts me less. I told her that if she would like to go to a concert on her vacations and she told me that she would confirm. Then I told her that if we could meet on saturday and she told me that she had a friend´s birthday. Yesterday I called her to see how she was and she had no medical service yesterday and she didn't even mentioned to see me. She is taking me for granted and is not as sweet as before. I don't understand anything. Im thinking in backing off and see if she contacts me. She broke up 6 months ago from a 3.5 year old relationship with a guy that was a jerk and treated her very bad, and on top of this she wants to go to study to USA or Europe in a year, I don't want to invest myself in a long distance relationship. Any tips?. thanks!!

 

I don't want to invest myself in a long distance relationship -- Then don't entertain a relationship that has the potential for that to happen. And, if you do go down that road, she is going to need a ton of reassurance from you in the form of frequent calling/communication. She's looking for that now, wait until she does go away!

 

So my theory was right, when I started to contacted her more often she contacts me less. -- Well, if you are keeping in good touch, she doesn't have to do it. She should respond and be reciprocal though. If she's not answering, it's probably a test to see if you will keep pursuit yourself. She only reaches out herself when you don't call because she's feeling insecure and wants to confirm that you're still "there. Did the last guy just drop out of site or fade from the relationship? If he did, she's going to be hypersentive. Even if he didn't, she is still hypersentive as to when the end will come. She's insecure period.

[rov]

I don't want to invest myself in a long distance relationship -- Then don't entertain a relationship that has the potential for that to happen. And, if you do go down that road, she is going to need a ton of reassurance from you in the form of frequent calling/communication. She's looking for that now, wait until she does go away!

 

So my theory was right, when I started to contacted her more often she contacts me less. -- Well, if you are keeping in good touch, she doesn't have to do it. She should respond and be reciprocal though. If she's not answering, it's probably a test to see if you will keep pursuit yourself. She only reaches out herself when you don't call because she's feeling insecure and wants to confirm that you're still "there. Did the last guy just drop out of site or fade from the relationship? If he did, she's going to be hypersentive. Even if he didn't, she is still hypersentive as to when the end will come. She's insecure period.

 

So now that she said that she wants to be alone, she is busy with her medical career and that she was no compromise with anyone. I told her why she changed her mind if two weeks ago she was the one that she told me that she wanted to hang out with me and see where it goes and now she changed her mind and says she wants to be alone, she said she had a very painful breakup with her ex.

 

I was about to text today and tell her that if we could meet for coffee to talk and I was thinking in telling her that we could hang out casual with no commitment and pressure but now I think this is a very bad idea and this will drive her away even further, what do you think?, If I go no contact may I have more chances that she contacts me?

[Versacehottie]

Its being really hard for me to avoid contacting her but I know that will only drive her away even more. Why does begging and pleading never works when you want to get them back?

 

Because it makes you look pathetic. Needy, clingy and desperate and out of touch. All unattractive qualities to a person who is already on fence or barely in "like" with you. It's also disrespectful of letting them come to their own conclusions. Most people don't like to be PUSHED into things, especially things are supposed to be pleasure-based like dating. It's like you don't believe she knows what's best for herself and you think clinging or spilling your guts is going to do the trick. It won't work. It will push her farther away.

 

You can keep asking the same question of others but I feel like most will give you the same, if not fairly similar answers. No, you should not try to go meet her and spill your guts.

[phineas]

So now that she said that she wants to be alone, she is busy with her medical career and that she was no compromise with anyone. I told her why she changed her mind if two weeks ago she was the one that she told me that she wanted to hang out with me and see where it goes and now she changed her mind and says she wants to be alone, she said she had a very painful breakup with her ex.

 

I was about to text today and tell her that if we could meet for coffee to talk and I was thinking in telling her that we could hang out casual with no commitment and pressure but now I think this is a very bad idea and this will drive her away even further, what do you think?, If I go no contact may I have more chances that she contacts me?

 

Delete her number.

Delete your text history.

Take selfie of newly grown balls?

 

seriously, if a woman i've met ditches me I delete them from my phone.

Not because i'm tempted to text them, but because I put them in my phone referencing the dating site I met them off of so it tends to get a little crowded sometimes.

 

Plus I love responding with "who is this" the 2nd time they text me after I ignore the first time. hahaha.

[rov]

I don't want to invest myself in a long distance relationship -- Then don't entertain a relationship that has the potential for that to happen. And, if you do go down that road, she is going to need a ton of reassurance from you in the form of frequent calling/communication. She's looking for that now, wait until she does go away!

 

So my theory was right, when I started to contacted her more often she contacts me less. -- Well, if you are keeping in good touch, she doesn't have to do it. She should respond and be reciprocal though. If she's not answering, it's probably a test to see if you will keep pursuit yourself. She only reaches out herself when you don't call because she's feeling insecure and wants to confirm that you're still "there. Did the last guy just drop out of site or fade from the relationship? If he did, she's going to be hypersentive. Even if he didn't, she is still hypersentive as to when the end will come. She's insecure period.

 

When she blamed me that I was contacting her often and it was smothering her I told her that I didn't understood her because a few days ago she blamed me because I contacted her not much and she even cried because of this. So why she first blames me that I do not contact her often and then she blames me that i contact her often. So she told me she didn't know why she reacted that way the day she cried and got mad because I didn't call that much, she told me that sometimes she doesn't even understand herself and that I should forget about that discussion. Does this sound like she is emotionally unstable?

[Versacehottie]

Yes it sounds emotionally unstable.

 

And it sounds like being in a relationship with you is not a priority to her. And that she absolutely knows she's got you wrapped around her finger. And if relationship was to continue, she would use you like a punching bag. And yes you are smothering her.

[katiegrl]

When she blamed me that I was contacting her often and it was smothering her I told her that I didn't understood her because a few days ago she blamed me because I contacted her not much and she even cried because of this. So why she first blames me that I do not contact her often and then she blames me that i contact her often.

 

 

 

So she told me she didn't know why she reacted that way the day she cried and got mad because I didn't call that much,

 

***she told me that sometimes she doesn't even understand herself and that I should forget about that discussion. ***

 

Does this sound like she is emotionally unstable?

 

Quote in asterisk -- Yes I agree with her.....forget about that discussion, but more importantly I think you should just forget about HER!

 

And not sure why you even need to ask if she is emotionally unstable..... there is MORE than enough evidence indicating that she IS, in fact, very emotionally unstable. Come on now....

 

As Donald Trump would say -- she's a disaster. She even admitted herself she doesn't know what the hell is going on in her head (or heart).

 

What more evidence do you need?

 

That said, right now I am getting concerned about you. You are not using good judgment here and that is troublesome. Why are you hanging on to this?

 

What does that say about YOU? That, despite ALL this evidence of her instability (and frankly craziness), you continue to remain so emotionally attached to such a dysfunctional woman and dysfunctional relationship?

 

I would suggest you STOP focusing on HER and HER motivations...and start focusing on your own motivations for choosing NOT to move on from such lunacy.

 

G'luck.

Edited July 16, 2015 by katiegrl

[Redhead14]

When she blamed me that I was contacting her often and it was smothering her I told her that I didn't understood her because a few days ago she blamed me because I contacted her not much and she even cried because of this. So why she first blames me that I do not contact her often and then she blames me that i contact her often. So she told me she didn't know why she reacted that way the day she cried and got mad because I didn't call that much, she told me that sometimes she doesn't even understand herself and that I should forget about that discussion. Does this sound like she is emotionally unstable?

 

Whether she is emotionally unstable or not, this is about you. You cannot meet a woman's needs if she herself doesn't know what she needs. That makes you feel insecuire, unbalanced and helpless I'd say. That doesn't feel good, I bet. You will be walking on eggshells with her all the time.

 

I think it's best if you move on for your own good. You will be doing all the work if you stay in this relationship.

[rov]

Whether she is emotionally unstable or not, this is about you. You cannot meet a woman's needs if she herself doesn't know what she needs. That makes you feel insecuire, unbalanced and helpless I'd say. That doesn't feel good, I bet. You will be walking on eggshells with her all the time.

 

I think it's best if you move on for your own good. You will be doing all the work if you stay in this relationship.

 

She even told me she is an emotional roller coaster and I noticed this many times, sometimes when I called her she answered pretty mad and upset and at the next day she called me to apologize for answering me that way and said that she didn't know shy she acted that way. Sometimes she acted weird and she told me that is the way she is, that sometimes she doesn't even now why she says and reacts on a certain way. Is this normal in all women or this is just an unstable woman?

[katiegrl]

She even told me she is an emotional roller coaster and I noticed this many times, sometimes when I called her she answered pretty mad and upset and at the next day she called me to apologize for answering me that way and said that she didn't know shy she acted that way. Sometimes she acted weird and she told me that is the way she is, that sometimes she doesn't even now why she says and reacts on a certain way.

 

 

**Is this normal in **all** women or this is just an unstable woman?**

 

Well, Redhead is a woman, does SHE seem unstable to you?

 

No she is not unstable, she is very stable, smart, intelligent, knows what and who she wants.....as do many many other women as well.

 

Does that answer your question?

 

Observe, think and act accordingly. Will serve you well going forward.

Edited July 16, 2015 by katiegrl

[Redhead14]

She even told me she is an emotional roller coaster and I noticed this many times, sometimes when I called her she answered pretty mad and upset and at the next day she called me to apologize for answering me that way and said that she didn't know shy she acted that way. Sometimes she acted weird and she told me that is the way she is, that sometimes she doesn't even now why she says and reacts on a certain way. Is this normal in all women or this is just an unstable woman?

 

Well, sure, women can be affected by hormones and be emotional sometimes. LOL. Yeah, their emotions get mixed sometimes too and kinda feel off balance at times. But, they are aware of that and usually can get things in check and it passes quickly. She says she doesn't know why she does what she does. She's not very tuned into to herself at least.

 

It's hard to say with this woman, however, she seems to really swing at an an extreme over this issue. Like I said, it doesn't matter if she is emotional unstable or not. Making a verifiable diagnosis without knowing more about her would be almost impossible and really moot.

 

The bottomline is does this behavior work for YOU. You want us to tell you she is not emotionally unstable as a basis for a decision to stay with her. That is not where the decision should come from. The decision should come from the position of what works for you and whether she is meeting your needs for a happy, secure relationship for yourself.

[elaine567]

Anyone who just got out of an emotionally abusive relationship is going to have issues and is going to be unstable until she figures out a way to cope.

Being emotionally abused will have messed with her head, it tends to to that to anyone who has been with an emotionally abusive man for any length of time..

 

She is just not really ready to date yet.

Leave her be.

[rov]

Well, sure, women can be affected by hormones and be emotional sometimes. LOL. Yeah, their emotions get mixed sometimes too and kinda feel off balance at times. But, they are aware of that and usually can get things in check and it passes quickly. She says she doesn't know why she does what she does. She's not very tuned into to herself at least.

 

It's hard to say with this woman, however, she seems to really swing at an an extreme over this issue. Like I said, it doesn't matter if she is emotional unstable or not. Making a verifiable diagnosis without knowing more about her would be almost impossible and really moot.

 

The bottomline is does this behavior work for YOU. You want us to tell you she is not emotionally unstable as a basis for a decision to stay with her. That is not where the decision should come from. The decision should come from the position of what works for you and whether she is meeting your needs for a happy, secure relationship for yourself.

 

This girl is hurt from a past breakup with her ex which lasted almost 4 years and she seems to have mood swings from one extreme to another, she even says that she is an emotional roller coaster and that she tires people with this attitude, she said to me: Im crazy. I think that can make a disastrous relationship, and like you say: I will have to make a lot of effort to sustain the relationship.

 

Best thing is to move on and keep with my life right?

[rov]

Anyone who just got out of an emotionally abusive relationship is going to have issues and is going to be unstable until she figures out a way to cope.

Being emotionally abused will have messed with her head, it tends to to that to anyone who has been with an emotionally abusive man for any length of time..

 

She is just not really ready to date yet.

Leave her be.

 

So is it normal when one leaves an emotional abussive relationship to be emotionally unstable and have a lot of mood swings.

 

At least I dodged this bullet at the beginning and not 6 months later. She changes her mind in a matter of hours, that is crazy.

[joseb]

This girl is hurt from a past breakup with her ex which lasted almost 4 years and she seems to have mood swings from one extreme to another, she even says that she is an emotional roller coaster and that she tires people with this attitude, she said to me: Im crazy. I think that can make a disastrous relationship, and like you say: I will have to make a lot of effort to sustain the relationship.

 

Best thing is to move on and keep with my life right?

 

Yes. Move on.

[rov]

Yes. Move on.

 

And what a coincidence, the day that her ex wanted to see her to say to her nasty things, that day she contacted me saying that I was a great guy and that she appreciated that I always treated her well, we started talking a lot since this happened and she was the one that wanted to see me often.

[Versacehottie]

So is it normal when one leaves an emotional abussive relationship to be emotionally unstable and have a lot of mood swings.

 

At least I dodged this bullet at the beginning and not 6 months later. She changes her mind in a matter of hours, that is crazy.

 

I don't think it necessarily makes a person emotionally unstable in next relationship after an emotionally abusive one. I think it could IF he/she is not over the hurt of it or projecting it onto the new relationship. If he/she is an emotionally unstable person in general--that is their constant state of being OR if it's just an excuse.

 

If you ask me about the girl you like, I think it probably has more to do with immense pressure of her med school and not being that into you and/or maybe just the way she is altogether. I think you are latching onto her past relationship as the "thing". Because it's the ONE thing you can combat, because you are telling yourself: I'm not like her ex, I can treat her well, she will see, If only I can show her I'm not like that. I think she is using it as an excuse when she feels like being closer with you and you are hoping irrationally that it's THE reason. There is nothing to "solve" here. It's an unfixable problem at this point.

[katiegrl]

Yes. Move on.

 

I agree move on.... and after you move on, please introspect to determine what draws you to these unstable women and unstable relationships in the first place.

 

And why you have such difficulty seeing the signs yourself and extricating yourself.

 

If you don't, you will continue to repeat these same unhealthy behaviors ..... finding yourself emotionally drawn into unhealthy relationships with one unstable woman after another.

 

Huge lesson learned here...assuming you want to learn vand grow from this experience.

[Redhead14]

This girl is hurt from a past breakup with her ex which lasted almost 4 years and she seems to have mood swings from one extreme to another, she even says that she is an emotional roller coaster and that she tires people with this attitude, she said to me: Im crazy. I think that can make a disastrous relationship, and like you say: I will have to make a lot of effort to sustain the relationship.

 

Best thing is to move on and keep with my life right?

 

Yes, I believe it would be in your best interest to do that. You deserve to have a happy, healthy life for yourself. And find a relationship that starts out with less drama for sure. If this were a committed relationship and you were seeing this, I might suggest delving deeper into it. However, the fact, is that this relationship is starting out this way. People often overlook early issues and go way down the road in the relationship only to find themselves struggling with an issue that they kinda pushed aside from the very beginning. Don't go down that road. Because, if you do eventually commit to her, you will basically be obligated to support that commitment by attempting to work through it with her. Right now you are not obligated to do that.

[elaine567]

So is it normal when one leaves an emotional abussive relationship to be emotionally unstable and have a lot of mood swings.

 

At least I dodged this bullet at the beginning and not 6 months later. She changes her mind in a matter of hours, that is crazy.

 

Emotional abuse has far reaching effects.

 

Effects

In many ways, emotional abuse is more psychologically harmful than physical abuse. There are a couple of reasons for this. Even in the most violent families, the incidents tend to be cyclical. Early in the abuse cycle, a violent outburst is followed by a honeymoon period of remorse, attention, affection, and generosity, but not genuine compassion. (The honeymoon stage eventually ends, as the victim begins to say, "Never mind the damn flowers, just stop hitting me!")

 

Emotional abuse, on the other hand, tends to happen every day. The effects are more harmful because they're so frequent.

The other factor that makes emotional abuse so devastating is the greater likelihood that victims will blame themselves. If someone hits you, it's easier to see that he or she is the problem, but if the abuse is subtle - saying or implying that you're ugly, a bad parent, stupid, incompetent, not worth attention, or that no one could love you - you are more likely to think it's your problem. Emotional abuse seems more personal than physical abuse, more about you as a person, more about your spirit. It makes love hurt.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/200808/effects-emotional-abuse-it-hurts-when-i-love

[Diezel]

Save yourself all the future drama and dump her. Not worth it.

[katiegrl]

Save yourself all the future drama and dump her. Not worth it.

 

^^^Straight, DIRECT ....and to the point.

 

rov, just do it.

 

Lesson learned.