Can a Man Be a "great catch" and Still Be Horrible in Dating?

July 12, 2015

Growing up, I read lots of books on dating because I've always struggled in dating horrendously. I wanted to get decent at it so badly so I read and I read. I didn't even get my first kiss until 20 and I was a virgin until 23.

Well, I'm 26 and I've accomplished every single thing the books told me to do

- I would say I'm at least good looking, maybe even very good looking. I get compliments almost on a daily basis from friends, relatives/wives/girlfriends of friends, random strangers at a bars, my clients at work who adore me, etc...Note: my name is a country star but I actually look more Spanish.

- very fit - resemble a bodybuilder. Also dress very sharp - get compliments 24-7 on how I dress as well.

- I make around 170-180K - have all the material things you could want, nice house, fancy luxury sports car. I'm better off by miles than anybody else I know who is under 30. I'm talking miles and miles because I live in a very reasonable cost area. I'm also very grateful for this as I was poor growing up.

- I have a fantastic lifestyle, pretty much do whatever the hell I want - nice restaurants, concerts, sports events, etc... I love my life. I have wonderful friends

- I'm plenty intelligent - have a college degree, can hold a good conversation on anything

- I'm very easy to get along with. I've had friends from every walk of life - I can make almost anybody feel comfortable around me.

The point of the thread is not to brag about anything, it's that I feel like I'm better than the overwhelming majority of men in almost every subcategory yet i find dating to be absolutely impossible. I've never had a girlfriend, even though that's all I've wanted for the last 10 years...I don't even care about just getting laid. I want a good high quality girlfriend.

My problem is that the women sort of in my league - decent looking, decent shape, close to my age range - never ever ever give me any signs of interest or make it somewhat easy for me to talk to them. Whenever I see somebody I like, there's 5,000 obstacles in the way and it's so damn hard for me to overcome them. I went out last night and there was this super cute girl with that thicker athletic bodytype that I have who was out with a friend of a friend but trying to engage her was so damn hard because of the obstacles in the way.

I just don't know guys. I feel that I'm going to die alone. I'm not willing to settle for someone morbidly obese and the halfway decent looking women my age never want anything to do with me. The weird thing is that they're the only people who act that way - everybody else absolutely adores me - straight men, gay men, older people, younger people. I get way more compliments and attention from gay men than women for example. It's just baffling.

Edited July 12, 2015 by BrantleyGilbert

July 12, 2015

I'm not sure when you say "obstacles", its rather vague, so you need to be more specfic. I'm assuming you try to engage in conversation, but they are short with you? That they don't seem interested in carrying on a conversation wth you so they attempt to blow you off?

Growing up, I read lots of books on dating because I've always struggled in dating horrendously. I wanted to get decent at it so badly so I read and I read. I didn't even get my first kiss until 20 and I was a virgin until 23.

Well, I'm 26 and I've accomplished every single thing the books told me to do

- I would say I'm at least good looking, maybe even very good looking. I get compliments almost on a daily basis from friends, relatives/wives/girlfriends of friends, random strangers at a bars, my clients at work who adore me, etc...Note: my name is a country star but I actually look more Spanish.

- very fit - resemble a bodybuilder. Also dress very sharp - get compliments 24-7 on how I dress as well.

- I make around 170-180K - have all the material things you could want, nice house, fancy luxury sports car. I'm better off by miles than anybody else I know who is under 30. I'm talking miles and miles because I live in a very reasonable cost area. I'm also very grateful for this as I was poor growing up.

- I have a fantastic lifestyle, pretty much do whatever the hell I want - nice restaurants, concerts, sports events, etc... I love my life. I have wonderful friends

- I'm plenty intelligent - have a college degree, can hold a good conversation on anything

- I'm very easy to get along with. I've had friends from every walk of life - I can make almost anybody feel comfortable around me.

The point of the thread is not to brag about anything, it's that I feel like I'm better than the overwhelming majority of men in almost every subcategory yet i find dating to be absolutely impossible. I've never had a girlfriend, even though that's all I've wanted for the last 10 years...I don't even care about just getting laid. I want a good high quality girlfriend.

My problem is that the women sort of in my league - decent looking, decent shape, close to my age range - never ever ever give me any signs of interest or make it somewhat easy for me to talk to them. Whenever I see somebody I like, there's 5,000 obstacles in the way and it's so damn hard for me to overcome them. I went out last night and there was this super cute girl with that thicker athletic bodytype that I have who was out with a friend of a friend but trying to engage her was so damn hard because of the obstacles in the way.

I just don't know guys. I feel that I'm going to die alone. I'm not willing to settle for someone morbidly obese and the halfway decent looking women my age never want anything to do with me. The weird thing is that they're the only people who act that way - everybody else absolutely adores me - straight men, gay men, older people, younger people. I get way more compliments and attention from gay men than women for example. It's just baffling.

July 12, 2015

You are going to have get advice about your specific issues from someday closer to you who can see you in action. It's hard to tell over the internet but from what I see you are causing your own problem by refusing to even try.

You are the one putting those obstacles in your way. Granted, sometimes dating is about the law of large numbers & as a guy you have to have thick skin because you are still most often the one who has to make the 1st move.

Try an experiment this week. When you are out & about & see those women who you think you would like to get to know better, even if she isn't making it easy for you to talk to her, smile and day hello. Just hello. See what she does. Most will at least smile back. If you feel comfortable enough keep talking but the point is for you to say hi to these women all week, especially if your prior MO was to do nothing & let the moment slip away.

Next week move on to saying something . . . anything including making some lame clichéd comment about the weather (it's a cliché ice breaker for a reason; it works!). The point is to keep talking. See what happens.

The 3rd week actually ask one of these women to get a drink or coffee or ice cream with you.

July 12, 2015

Growing up, I read lots of books on dating because I've always struggled in dating horrendously. I wanted to get decent at it so badly so I read and I read. I didn't even get my first kiss until 20 and I was a virgin until 23.

Well, I'm 26 and I've accomplished every single thing the books told me to do

- I would say I'm at least good looking, maybe even very good looking. I get compliments almost on a daily basis from friends, relatives/wives/girlfriends of friends, random strangers at a bars, my clients at work who adore me, etc...Note: my name is a country star but I actually look more Spanish.

- very fit - resemble a bodybuilder. Also dress very sharp - get compliments 24-7 on how I dress as well.

- I make around 170-180K - have all the material things you could want, nice house, fancy luxury sports car. I'm better off by miles than anybody else I know who is under 30. I'm talking miles and miles because I live in a very reasonable cost area. I'm also very grateful for this as I was poor growing up.

- I have a fantastic lifestyle, pretty much do whatever the hell I want - nice restaurants, concerts, sports events, etc... I love my life. I have wonderful friends

- I'm plenty intelligent - have a college degree, can hold a good conversation on anything

- I'm very easy to get along with. I've had friends from every walk of life - I can make almost anybody feel comfortable around me.

The point of the thread is not to brag about anything, it's that I feel like I'm better than the overwhelming majority of men in almost every subcategory yet i find dating to be absolutely impossible. I've never had a girlfriend, even though that's all I've wanted for the last 10 years...I don't even care about just getting laid. I want a good high quality girlfriend.

My problem is that the women sort of in my league - decent looking, decent shape, close to my age range - never ever ever give me any signs of interest or make it somewhat easy for me to talk to them. Whenever I see somebody I like, there's 5,000 obstacles in the way and it's so damn hard for me to overcome them. I went out last night and there was this super cute girl with that thicker athletic bodytype that I have who was out with a friend of a friend but trying to engage her was so damn hard because of the obstacles in the way.

I just don't know guys. I feel that I'm going to die alone. I'm not willing to settle for someone morbidly obese and the halfway decent looking women my age never want anything to do with me. The weird thing is that they're the only people who act that way - everybody else absolutely adores me - straight men, gay men, older people, younger people. I get way more compliments and attention from gay men than women for example. It's just baffling.

I think in my opinion you have the fundamentals so it would be a case of building on those, are there any friends of friends who have some potential, reason I say this is its easier to get introduced and you don't need to do the mess that is OLD where you will for the most part be sifting through plenty you have no interest in at all.

If I were in your situation I would perhaps go as far as to ask friends to help you, its never a bad thing to ask for help.

Good luck.

July 12, 2015

You are going to have get advice about your specific issues from someday closer to you who can see you in action. It's hard to tell over the internet but from what I see you are causing your own problem by refusing to even try.

You are the one putting those obstacles in your way. Granted, sometimes dating is about the law of large numbers & as a guy you have to have thick skin because you are still most often the one who has to make the 1st move.

Try an experiment this week. When you are out & about & see those women who you think you would like to get to know better, even if she isn't making it easy for you to talk to her, smile and day hello. Just hello. See what she does. Most will at least smile back. If you feel comfortable enough keep talking but the point is for you to say hi to these women all week, especially if your prior MO was to do nothing & let the moment slip away.

Next week move on to saying something . . . anything including making some lame clichéd comment about the weather (it's a cliché ice breaker for a reason; it works!). The point is to keep talking. See what happens.

The 3rd week actually ask one of these women to get a drink or coffee or ice cream with you.

I find it hard to be assertive in those situations because I see nothing but obstacles in the way. Last night, that girl was extremely cute but her friend (who was a friend of my friend) wanted to go to another bar so I couldn't do anything

Other times, I try to talk to a girl and there's 6 guys trying to holler at her. I just can't beat out 6 other men for the attention of a woman, I hate that ****

July 12, 2015

I think in my opinion you have the fundamentals so it would be a case of building on those, are there any friends of friends who have some potential, reason I say this is its easier to get introduced and you don't need to do the mess that is OLD where you will for the most part be sifting through plenty you have no interest in at all.

If I were in your situation I would perhaps go as far as to ask friends to help you, its never a bad thing to ask for help.

Good luck.

I have amazing friends but they're fcking useless when it comes to my dating struggles.

hell they're often times a detriment to my dating problems because a lot of them are good looking, buff and charismatic so women gravitate to them instead of me.

July 12, 2015

Get a part time job as a salesman, you'll learn to talk to people.

July 12, 2015

I understand your fears. Believe me I do it to myself in other situations.

Nevertheless, take the babystep. Smile & say hi. That's it.

You earned a college degree. You earn a good living. You have stuff going on in your life. It's a one syllable 2 letter word. Practice. Right now. Say Hi! out loud to your computer. See. Your mouth can form the word.

Now go outside & say hi to women. Don't even put the pressure on yourself of only saying hi to the ones you like. Say hi to everyone: men, women, kids, dogs, aliens if you see any, your imaginary friend. Don't discriminate. As you get better at doing that you can narrow your focus to the women you find attractive.

July 12, 2015

hell they're often times a detriment to my dating problems because a lot of them are good looking, buff and charismatic so women gravitate to them instead of me.

Two things:

1. emulate what they do, how they talk to women etc.

2. ask their GFs, dates or sisters for insight, not them. Women love to help single guys by playing matchmaker.

July 12, 2015

Another way to look at this is to say "I have many attributes they will like, let me see if that approach me", a derivative of this being you should be confident in what you can do and yes nobody likes competition for one female, personally I wouldn't be interested in someone I needed compete with to get, especially if its a bar like environment because ultimately he with the most money, most material items, hottest looks, that person will always win in that scenario....in my opinion at least.

July 12, 2015

Get a part time job as a salesman, you'll learn to talk to people.

I'm in sales already

I'm one of the best salespeople at my company

July 12, 2015

2. ask their GFs, dates or sisters for insight, not them. Women love to help single guys by playing matchmaker.

my friends' gfs and sisters...oh my lord, they think I'm the greatest thing to ever exist on this planet.

I once got into a conversation with my best friend's sister and she was just baffled that I'm always permanently single. Her exact words were "you're perfect"

they can't really play matchmaker because most of them are taken/married/older so they don't know any single women close to my age

July 12, 2015

Then use sales psychology to get dates. The product you are selling is you.

July 12, 2015

>>>"I get way more compliments and attention from gay men than from women."<<<

So gay men approach you? Compliment you? Give you attention? Interesting....as gay men would not normally do that unless they "sensed" you were also gay. You know the gaydar thing.

Just a thought but do you think it's possible the women you approach may also sense you are gay?

Some men just give off a gay vibe even though they are very straight.

Just a thought based on the attention and compliments you said you get from gay men.

July 12, 2015

I'm in sales already

I'm one of the best salespeople at my company

-face-to-face? then you should have no problem talking to women. You may need to talk to more to find one who actually likes you and wants to talk to you - some can be stuck up if they don't care. It's a number's game.

July 12, 2015

my friends' gfs and sisters...oh my lord, they think I'm the greatest thing to ever exist on this planet.

I once got into a conversation with my best friend's sister and she was just baffled that I'm always permanently single. Her exact words were "you're perfect"

they can't really play matchmaker because most of them are taken/married/older so they don't know any single women close to my age

Ask them for help anyway. Take your best friend's sister out to lunch at a non-romantic spot. Ask her for insights. Get her to be your wing woman.

As for the older ladies, they have friends & co workers with daughters, nieces, younger sisters etc. You have no idea whether they know somebody who would be perfect for you.

I find it hard to believe you excel at sales. Companies need more then 1 salesperson to be profitable. Word of mouth advertising is the best, cheapest & most believed. Let these other people advocate for you. Think of it as social networking. You need to get the foot in the door

July 12, 2015

Thanks for the responses. Unfortunately, they were made to a previously banned member so I'll close this up.

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Can a Man Be a "great catch" and Still Be Horrible in Dating?

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