Stace1 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 I never thought I would be sitting here today asking this question, as you hear so many bad stories about things like this, and for one I never thought I would be the one to fall for someone from over the internet. I have been speaking to this guy for a few months now and there's just something about him that draws myself to him. We only ever talk over Skype, just by calling, no facecam or anything. I'm not really that bothered about what he looks like or anything, just him as a person and his personality I love. We are just friends and that's all I intended it to be, but the more we spoke the more I realized that I think I like him. But being idealistic I don't think anything could happen because for one I don't even think he likes me like that and for two I don't think it would work because we haven't even met in person yet. Any suggestions in what to do? I've never had this happen before and I've spoken to plenty of people from all around the world. So what's different about this one and why am I having these feelings when in reality nothing will probably never happen?
d0nnivain Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 You don't know him until you meet in person. Right now you think you are liking the person you think he is or who he projects. The real him is unknown to you. Enjoy the fantasy. Possibly arrange to meet if you like but don't start making life changing decisions about this stranger. 3
carhill Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Think of internet interaction The construct. Yes, I've interacted with probably hundreds of women over the internet. Met as many as possible in person as soon as practical. Loved a few. Married one. The desert of the real. Believe it. 1
CarrieT Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 What you like about him, OP, is what your mind is filling in with all the blanks that exist by you not having met him yet. This is why these Internet relationships rarely work out and we who have been there (like me!) *heartily* recommend you try and meet and As Soon As Possible before devoting too much time to something that is ultimately a waste. 9 times out of 10 the person you are talking to is not who he says he is and/or is married and can't offer you a "real" relationship. 2
Brigit_1 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 What you like about him, OP, is what your mind is filling in with all the blanks that exist by you not having met him yet. Be careful with this stuff OP. You and this other person may have things in common and share similar viewpoints but that isn't the same as connecting IRL. Also, I don't understand why you don't Skype using visuals? That is bit strange. Aren't you at least curious as to what this man looks like?? 1
carhill Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Yeah, with today's technology, there should be few barriers to interaction. Back when I was doing the long-distance OLD thing, while travel logistics were worked out we would take short clips of ourselves on our video cameras (yep, video tape) and dump it into the computer and make a quicktime movie to send via e-mail. Clunky as heck but that's how things were. Pictures and video clips were perfectly normal for the 90's internet when people couldn't meet up right away. As mentioned, otherwise our minds tend to romanticize and fill in the blanks and create a virtual person, whereas reality is often very different. IME, if these virtual interactions went on too long, either another real life interaction (with someone else) would end them or one or the other person would tip over with some injection of reality upsetting their virtual image and things would dissolve. IME, better to meet as soon as possible and limit expectations. 2
SummerDreams Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic but I don't know why the replies here are so negative towards the possibility of finding true love and real feelings through the internet. It's like I'm reading replies of old people or people in the 90s. I can't believe that in 2015 there are people who feel so negatively towards internet connections. If someone is as dumb or inexperienced to blindly believe anything someone through internet tells them, then this person will blindly believe anything someone in real life tells them. 2
Brigit_1 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic but I don't know why the replies here are so negative towards the possibility of finding true love and real feelings through the internet. It's like I'm reading replies of old people or people in the 90s. I can't believe that in 2015 there are people who feel so negatively towards internet connections. If someone is as dumb or inexperienced to blindly believe anything someone through internet tells them, then this person will blindly believe anything someone in real life tells them. I'm 46 so yeah...I guess that's old. Whatever. I'm hotter than most 20 year olds so it evens out. In any case, we are telling her to be careful not to completely dump the idea. 1
Giggle Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 I totally understand the be careful but it drives me a little nuts to always be reading how if you haven't met it isn't real. You can meet somebody in person and know them that same 3 months and still have no idea who they really are. People falling in love with each other over letters was a thing. I guess dishonesty is more rampant now. And there is so much more to be compatible that you can't know. But some of us were idiot enough to marry after 6 months too, of knowing somebody in person. I met my first husband over a game. We didn't meet for a year. But it wasn't different. I felt the same about him. I will totally agree that you can't know how you are going to interact with each other in person. Things that you couldn't know that drives you absolutely batty. But those same fill in the blanks happen in person. You do that when you're in love. I love my best friend too... Long distance pretty much the entire 8 years. You look through rose colored glasses at how much fun you'll have together.. And then get together and can only stand it for a few days. Doesn't mean I don't love her BUT I just think there is a rush to say that it's not love simply because it's not gonna work. But the caution is very real. Don't put all your eggs in that basket and make plans when you have no idea how compatible you are together. Finding out sooner can make it less painful. And just because you love somebody does not mean they are the somebody for you. 1
Author Stace1 Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 Be careful with this stuff OP. You and this other person may have things in common and share similar viewpoints but that isn't the same as connecting IRL. Also, I don't understand why you don't Skype using visuals? That is bit strange. Aren't you at least curious as to what this man looks like?? I am indeed very curious to match a face to the voice but sadly he says he has no webcam. I'm very open to the idea of face to face communication through skype, but makes it hard when the other person has no webcam.
carhill Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Ran into this situation with a doctor I dated in Odessa. Fortunately my interpreter had a scanner at her office and they took a film picture of the lady and her daughter and e-mailed it to me. Her initial OLD ad didn't have a picture, which was common back in the mid-90's. Also, telephone calls were very expensive back then as internet calling (VOIP) was in its infancy but I still got her phone number and called her, with my interpreter on an extension with her helping meet the language barriers. The bottom line is - A few months + no picture + no apparent plan to meet up = keyboard romeo. The FSU ladies I dated had a native unflattering term for such guys who wasted their time. Today, there's simply no excuse. Nearly everyone has mobile phones, computers and all, even international, communications are cheap or free. Comparatively, so is transportation to meet up. To me, it sounds like the man's 'I want to' is broken or he's otherwise attached and this is an anonymous internet flirtation. 3
angel.eyes Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 I am indeed very curious to match a face to the voice but sadly he says he has no webcam. I'm very open to the idea of face to face communication through skype, but makes it hard when the other person has no webcam. I'm having a hard time believing this. I've skyped from my cell phone. Every computer these days comes with an embedded camera. What has prevented you from meeting for a "few" months? I would make this a priority before you get even more emotionally attached. 2
Gloria25 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 I am indeed very curious to match a face to the voice but sadly he says he has no webcam. I'm very open to the idea of face to face communication through skype, but makes it hard when the other person has no webcam. Unless he's dirt poor or ignorant about technology (yes, I know of people who still have flip phones), there's no reason you shouldn't have seen him on a video cam. If his laptop/desktop didn't come with one, he can swing by Walmart or Best Buy and get one for a few bucks and plug into his USB port on the laptop/desktop. He can go to an internet cafe - maybe even a library, FedEx, etc and give you a few minutes of finally seeing "him". Something is fishy...either he's married/involved with someone, is freakin' ugly, and/or is never gonna want something real with you (i.e. platonic thing). So, on top of what everyone else said here that I "liked", boils down to you and what you realistically want. If you like have intimacy issues and only want a platonic thing - then more power to you - this situation is ideal for you. But, if you're thinking this is real love, this person is cool and one day you will marry them - time for a reality check cuz by now you should have seen his face - and not pictures, cuz pictures they can steal from someone/somewhere on the web. I can do the virtual thing and not have to see someone every day - well, quite frankly chatting all day/all the time is too much for me. I don't need to see/here from a dude more than a few times a week. But, at some point I gotta see "him" and be with "him" in real life - even if it's once a week only. BTW, check out MTV's "Catfish"...be careful you are not being set up to fall for someone who isn't one ounce of who they portray themselves to be behind the computer... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catfish:_The_TV_Show 1
CarrieT Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic but I don't know why the replies here are so negative towards the possibility of finding true love and real feelings through the internet. It's like I'm reading replies of old people or people in the 90s. I can't believe that in 2015 there are people who feel so negatively towards internet connections. If someone is as dumb or inexperienced to blindly believe anything someone through internet tells them, then this person will blindly believe anything someone in real life tells them. Some of us have made connections via the Internet (me!) and gotten married! But having a long distance romance via the 'net rarely pans out - I know, I have been there as well... It is so easy to fall for someone online but the trick is actually meeting In Real Life to see if the person/connection is real. Yes, we may be old, but it is because we have experience getting snookered by online lotharios! 2
Fleur de cactus Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 It has been few months, you never met him, you never facetime, and now you are telling us that you are in love with someone you do not know? There is nothing wrong with online dating, it feel good to fall in love, but you have to SEE the person first. Could you please explain if he does not have a camera, did you try to meet with him? what is the excuse for not meeting? Be careful, spending months without meeting or trying to show you how he look like (not online picture, because it may be fake), is a red flag. There is a reason he does not want you to see him. 1
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