yxalitis Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 When I did watch porn...I only used it because: I was single My ex-wife wasn't having sex with me (like, once in 2 months) But to PRIORITISE porn over a real, actual loving sexual partner!!! Dump him...now
joseb Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 It's the terrible performance with me in the bedroom that is bothering me. I feel unattractive with him. Not to sound crude but he at times has asked for a blow job which I am always willing to do but it will often end with him pushing my head out of the way and finishing off himself! I've never had that in my life and i have had numerous sexual partners. And he has never once gone down on me! Yeah OP, time to get rid of him before it seriously affects your self esteem. He does sound like he has some issues cause by porn addiction. But he also sounds like he's just a bit of a **** to be honest! 2
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Watching porn is perverted? Insert huge eye roll here. There is nothing wrong with watching porn. If you think so, you are too insecure to be in a relationship. Yep, I actually DO think that anyone who watches porn IS perverted. I mean, seriously? Think about it: You like (and get off on) watching OTHER NAKED people having SEX. What's the purpose of anyone watching OTHER people having sex? Wouldn't they rather just be HAVING SEX?? And if they don't have anyone to have sex with, then what's the point of them watching OTHER people having it? Isn't that just a big fat TEASE? What's the point of getting horny watching OTHER NAKED people doing sexual things and having intercourse? Hmm? Because it 'feels good' to you visually? So you can jack off or finger yourself until you cum while 'pretending' you're screwing those people on the screen?? So you can satisfy your perverted voyeuristic addiction? Disgusting. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's all well and good...but did you have to insult me by saying I'm "too insecure" to be in a relationship? Hehe...you sound misogynistic and unable to control yourself, which is typical of women like you. Have a nice evening, Lissvarna. . 2
Dreamworld Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Keenly - 50 shades and magic mike are hardly porn! haha. They're sexual, but it doesn't qualify as porn.. It's not like she said that she would restrict her boyfriend from watching any movie with a sexual plot line, "female porn" is just porn. I think we probably agree on whether or not porn is 'ok' i'm just sayin - false analogy and it seems almost patronizing (though I know you didn't mean it that way) to call either of those things porn haha. I personally wouldn't ask my boyfriend not to watch porn because I'm an avid and enthusiastic porn consumer myself. I actually watch more porn than most of the guys I have dated well enough to know how much porn they watch. The porn I watch has literally nothing to do with my emotional and sexual feelings for my boyfriends which I think is probably why it's easier for me to understand why they watch it. It's strictly visual sexual stimulation.. I don't even imagine myself as a part of the sitaution It seems like the issue here though isn't just the porn. It's the fact that he is an avid porn consumer, but doesn't seem to really enjoy actual sex. THAT is definitely a problem. I watch a lot of porn, but never would if it were going to interfere with my real sex life - I just have a very big sexual appetite and don't like sleeping around, and/or can't see the person i'm dating every day. It seems like he uses porn INSTEAD of sex.. the fact that he is both selfish and disinterested are pretty good indicators of that. That and the lying are problems.. Have you asked him why he hasn't had any serious relationships at that age? He may have difficulty with intimacy or something.. I could have written this myself. Porn loving woman here as well. Porn actually helps my sexual appetite. Porn instead of sex is a real problen.
Dreamworld Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 "He is lying because you made him sad and ashamed of something that he really shouldn't feel bad about. OP to me you sound like a controlling woman." Thank you everyone for commenting. No I am am far from a controlling woman. In my past relationships I have never had a issue with my partner going out to bars or parties with their mates without me because i have trusted them. Thinking about it, if anyone is controlling he is, after the first month of dating he asked me numerous times to dye my blonde hair brown as "he likes brunettes" and asked me to stop wearing makeup! I dont understand most of the porn women he's jerking it to are probably wearing makeup ?? This isn't controlling but it bothers me, if we are somewhere together and he see's a remotely attractive young woman/girl he will say to me "God would you check out that hot babe" like I am one of his drinking buddies! Geez i look at other guys but i don't say what I am thinking! It's the terrible performance with me in the bedroom that is bothering me. I feel unattractive with him. Not to sound crude but he at times has asked for a blow job which I am always willing to do but it will often end with him pushing my head out of the way and finishing off himself! I've never had that in my life and i have had numerous sexual partners. And he has never once gone down on me! Like other people have posted some guys may be able to watch porn and have a great sexual relationship with their partner but i think porn and the fact he has never had a girlfriend has effected him....i think its a lost cause though it breaks my heart to say this...He says he loves me but i don't think I will ever be what he really wants... Misty I honestly think you should leave the relationship. Trust me, you will feel much much better in the long run. I know 6 months is a lot tougher than my 1 month (2 weeks being sexual, which is when I learned there was an issue here) but this is going to kill you. I have had many partners myself and I was far from insecure or controlling. And every guy I slept with was familiar with porn. But it had never been an issue in the bedroom until recently and it really affected my self esteem for sure. But luckily I knew it was a deal breaker and got out sooner than later. This stuff I think is really hard for a guy to stop unless he really knows what is going on and makes up his mind about it. I just didnt have the patience or confidence enough in him to sit down and talk to him about it, as he pretty much made it clear he viewed sex and masturbating to porn two completely different activities, thus he did not understand at all that his porn use could be directly affecting his performance with a person. He even said he didnt really need sex. ( but masturbating to porn he needed) He was also wife/gf less for a really long time and he in general has trouble approaching women which makes me think there are certain personality types more prone to depending on porn and masturbating. 1
xcupid Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 The lies should be a deal breaker. The sexual incompatibility should be a deal breaker. The way he makes you feel in the bedroom should be a deal breaker. His controlling you should be a deal breaker. How many more red flags do you need? 2
Qboro90 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I can't tell if you are being sarcastic or if you actually believe that watching porn is perverted and disgusting. I think that the multi multi billion dollar adult industry would tell you that if that's the case then 99.5% of the population are perverts. Why would people watch porn/ other people have sex? Why would anyone go watch a movie at a movie theatre. Can't you go on an actual date with someone and think of something to do together besides sitting in front of a gigantic screen watching fake stories played out by fake actors?! Jeez how stupid. Just because you view porn a certain way (you're in the minority here by the way) does not mean it's abhorrent to other people as well. Clearly if a person has a porn addiction and is watching obsessively or to the point where he can't perform then yes there's a problem. But for the majority of people that's not the case and it's just another form of entertainment. 1
Krieger Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I can't tell if you are being sarcastic or if you actually believe that watching porn is perverted and disgusting. I think that the multi multi billion dollar adult industry would tell you that if that's the case then 99.5% of the population are perverts. Why would people watch porn/ other people have sex? Why would anyone go watch a movie at a movie theatre. Can't you go on an actual date with someone and think of something to do together besides sitting in front of a gigantic screen watching fake stories played out by fake actors?! Jeez how stupid. Just because you view porn a certain way (you're in the minority here by the way) does not mean it's abhorrent to other people as well. Clearly if a person has a porn addiction and is watching obsessively or to the point where he can't perform then yes there's a problem. But for the majority of people that's not the case and it's just another form of entertainment. I would not call it that and after you climax what the is the point of watching the rest?
Krieger Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 For starters, free porn is not the same as premium porn. All of you guys that say "why pay for something that's free" or "people that pay for porn are stupid" are just as bigoted as the people that listen to music via youtube rather than just buying it on iTunes. I personally haven't paid for porn in many years but I remember the last time I did the quality was good enough to jump start my porn addiction. Women should realise that a guy wacking off to porn is actually a good thing; it prevents us from cheating. There are guys that go quite a long time without sex, but keep things together because of porn. I'm sure that all of the guys that become terrorists only do so because they haven't busted a nut in so long that they will believe anything that promises a 66 virgins (or whatever the number is). He is lying because you made him sad and ashamed of something that he really shouldn't feel bad about. OP to me you sound like a controlling woman. I've seen some of the real female porn. It's when the guy says "baby I love you, here's a Prada bag". Well it is 72 virgins and it does not say if there men or woman just so you know it just says virgins .
Krieger Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I do not think porn is addictive but jerking of is . Porn is more of the drug dealer just giving you what you need to get high. The brain of both a man and woman is said to look much like the brain of a person taking heroin during an orgasm, according to a study published in the Journal of Neuroscience. I just feel that the addictive part not the porn . 1
yxalitis Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I do not think porn is addictive but jerking of is . Porn is more of the drug dealer just giving you what you need to get high. The brain of both a man and woman is said to look much like the brain of a person taking heroin during an orgasm, according to a study published in the Journal of Neuroscience. I just feel that the addictive part not the porn . True, but what man watches porn alone, behind his gf's back, and DOESN'T jerk off? What person buys heroin from a drug dealer, and doesn't use it...?
joseb Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I do not think porn is addictive but jerking of is . Porn is more of the drug dealer just giving you what you need to get high. The brain of both a man and woman is said to look much like the brain of a person taking heroin during an orgasm, according to a study published in the Journal of Neuroscience. I just feel that the addictive part not the porn . I think the jerking off while watching porn is the addictive part. I don't think jerking off itself is a problem. I don't think anyone would suggest guys stop jerking off. It would not be healthy. 2
Arieswoman Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I'm going to come at this from a different angle. I partially agree with BlackZombieOpsGirl, that porn isn't healthy. I don't think it's healthy for those watching it - look at all the threads we get here about people addicted to the stuff... And more important the porn industry isn't a healthy environment for those in it. Porn is a fantasy for people - what they don't think about is those that produce it and how the "actors" are exploited, particularly women. Every woman in a porno is someone's wife/mother/girlfriend and may not be there willingly. This is why I don't support the porn industry either by buying or watching it. I certainly wouldn't want to date anyone who watched it habitually. 2
torturedartist Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 My boyfriend and i have been together for about 6 months. At the start of our relationship i found out he was watching a lot of porn. I told him it didn't really make me feel that great about myself and it hurt me. He said it was a mistake and he wouldn't do it again. I never really believed him but just tried to get over it. Anyway the other night I was feeling a bit suspicious and looked on the computer, he had left his email open and there were two msgs sent from different porn sites. I opened one of them and it read something like "Thanks for registering with us (his full name)" It had credit card details the number etc and a login user name and password for him to use. I confronted him about it and he said i was being stupid it was just spam and he did not own a credit card. Now can porn sites do this? find your full name, email and fake credit card details?? Is it spam or am i just being played for a sucker. Just being lied to is what is upsetting me the most.... Any comments would be appreciated A porn addiction is much like a substance addiction, for example alcohol. The difference is that your BF isn't very likely to crash his car into someone's yard, or pee in the closet after looking at porn. The point being that there aren't obvious signs of addiction with a porn addiction, but it's still an addiction. The solution? Get him enrolled or some kind of 12-step program, or find a new boyfriend, because he's not going to kick his porn habit just because his doing so would make you happy. Hope that helps. 2
Arieswoman Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I totally agree with the last post. ^^^ OP, Your BF is using porn to the extent that it's causing problems in your relationship. Not only does he not want to fix that, he lies about the whole thing and disrespects you in the process. I would give him an ultimatum - either he gets treatment for his addiction or you walk. Believe it or not there are some nice guys out there who don't obsessively wank over porn night and day - and you deserve one. 1
elaine567 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Yeah OP, time to get rid of him before it seriously affects your self esteem. He does sound like he has some issues cause by porn addiction. BUT he also sounds like he's just a bit of a **** to be honest! ^^^this^^^ He is a controlling a$$&hole and is bringing you down. Relationships are meant to be fun. Time to leave him be, let him go find a doormat brunette, who will put up with his selfish antics in the bedroom, his ED, his porn addiction, his lusting after "hot babes"... One that will also not mind when he lies, disrespects and undermines her... 1
elaine567 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I think the jerking off while watching porn is the addictive part. I don't think jerking off itself is a problem. I don't think anyone would suggest guys stop jerking off. It would not be healthy. True, it is the addiction to sexual images/videos on the internet that is the root of the issue. Porn has always been present in society, but there is a big difference BETWEEN seeing some erotic pics, watching ONE video, watching a live show for an hour or two or going to see a XXX film as in the pre internet era AND sitting everyday glued to a screen sifting through thousands and thousands of sexual images and videos to try an achieve some sort of a sexual high. Cambridge Study: Internet porn addiction mirrors drug addiction (2014) | Your Brain On Porn Compulsive porn users craved porn (greater wanting), but did not have higher sexual desire (liking) than controls. This finding aligns perfectly with the current model of addiction, and refutes the theory that "higher sexual desire" causes compulsive porn use. Drug addicts are thought to be driven to seek their drug because they want – rather than enjoy – it. This abnormal process is known as incentive motivation. This is a hallmark of addiction disorders. 2
LookAtThisPOst Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 (edited) Yep, I actually DO think that anyone who watches porn IS perverted. I mean, seriously? Even if they DON'T have a girlfriend to have sex with? This probably makes a world of a difference. And if they don't have anyone to have sex with, then what's the point of them watching OTHER people having it? Isn't that just a big fat TEASE? I figured this be more of a reason to watch such things. Don't you think you're being just a bit tad unrealistic Black Ops? I mean...really? Men without boyfriends probably have more reason to do it...I would think if he has someone to have sex with and he's STILL watching it...THEN that's when it becomes a problem. Anyhow, just like with anything, booze , fatty foods, etc....too much of anything isn't good. "Always in moderation!" as they say. ;-) Edited July 14, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst
Eighty_nine Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 (edited) Yep, I actually DO think that anyone who watches porn IS perverted. I mean, seriously? Think about it: You like (and get off on) watching OTHER NAKED people having SEX. What's the purpose of anyone watching OTHER people having sex? Wouldn't they rather just be HAVING SEX?? And if they don't have anyone to have sex with, then what's the point of them watching OTHER people having it? Isn't that just a big fat TEASE? What's the point of getting horny watching OTHER NAKED people doing sexual things and having intercourse? Hmm? Because it 'feels good' to you visually? So you can jack off or finger yourself until you cum while 'pretending' you're screwing those people on the screen?? So you can satisfy your perverted voyeuristic addiction? Disgusting. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's all well and good...but did you have to insult me by saying I'm "too insecure" to be in a relationship? Hehe...you sound misogynistic and unable to control yourself, which is typical of women like you. Have a nice evening, Lissvarna. . Yes. Getting off watching people having sex is erotic, sensual, enjoyable etc etc etc. Sex is great, but you cannot watch yourself having sex (unless you're taping it of course). A visual of other people having sex is a different experience, and also pleasing. I know many people (myself included) who've enjoyed it with their partners as well. I think you have some serious issues. "Perverted voyeuristic addiction" and "unable to control myself" because I don't have a problem with porn... ? Many-- I'd even say venture to say most-- people enjoy porn. It certainly isn't "perverted" and you seem to have some deep sexuality/shame issues. One of my pet peeves is when I see other women making a huge deal of their boyfriends watching porn. Yes, I'm aware sometimes it's frequency can become problematic, but generally it's a healthy normal thing to do. Also, REAL WOMEN, their real-live girlfriends have no reason to be threatened by a naked stranger on a screen. It makes no sense to me why anyone would be. In every relationship I've been in, we've been open and comfortable with each other's porn habits and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I'm sure they appreciate not being judged for doing something that's natural. Every partner I've ever dated has watched porn and 90% of my friends do. All in healthy way maybe a few times a month-- meaning they're not addicted, no ill affects on their sex lives etc. There are some issues of women being forced into porn, yes, but there's also plenty to be found that is clearly consensual (like the "work" of famous porn actresses). Edited July 14, 2015 by lissvarna 4
smackie9 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Wow who pays for porn these days when it's free? Everyone (well a lot of people not everyone) has or had dabbled in the free internet porn for some masturbation theater....no different in yer grandpa's porn mag stash out in the garden shed. Porn isn't going to go away any time soon. It's his lifestyle....since you don't like this lifestyle you are going to have to find yourself a different BF. If he is addicted, you can't fix it or stop it.....it will be up to him to discover it's a problem, not you.
katiegrl Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 (edited) Yes. Getting off watching people having sex is erotic, sensual, enjoyable etc etc etc. Sex is great, but you cannot watch yourself having sex (unless you're taping it of course). A visual of other people having sex is a different experience, and also pleasing. I know many people (myself included) who've enjoyed it with their partners as well. I think you have some serious issues. "Perverted voyeuristic addiction" and "unable to control myself" because I don't have a problem with porn... ? Many-- I'd even say venture to say most-- people enjoy porn. It certainly isn't "perverted" and you seem to have some deep sexuality/shame issues. One of my pet peeves is when I see other women making a huge deal of their boyfriends watching porn. Yes, I'm aware sometimes it's frequency can become problematic, but generally it's a healthy normal thing to do. Also, REAL WOMEN, their real-live girlfriends have no reason to be threatened by a naked stranger on a screen. It makes no sense to me why anyone would be. In every relationship I've been in, we've been open and comfortable with each other's porn habits and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I'm sure they appreciate not being judged for doing something that's natural. Every partner I've ever dated has watched porn and 90% of my friends do. All in healthy way maybe a few times a month-- meaning they're not addicted, no ill affects on their sex lives etc. There are some issues of women being forced into porn, yes, but there's also plenty to be found that is clearly consensual (like the "work" of famous porn actresses). ^^^Agree and you can count my bf and I as those who watch porn *together* sometimes and get off on watching other couples having hot sex. We have even learned a few things and incorporated them into our own sex life! It enhances our sex life....doesn't take away from. Do we NEED to watch porn/other couples having sex to get off or have awesome hot sex together? Of course not!! But it is a nice diversion from time to time..especially when we are both in a mood for some major kinkiness...:bunny: I am NOT at all threatened by the women in porn, and if he chooses to watch it alone, I allow him his fantasies. Frankly I think it's healthy to have fantasies and a little diversion keeps things hot and exciting especially in a LTR. If that makes us perverted to some people, so be it.. Works for us! Edited July 14, 2015 by katiegrl
elaine567 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 #7 When it comes to our sex life well lets just say from the get go it has not been good. He has never been able to "finish". Has even said things during sex like "I'm not into it". He has also been very selfish, not interested in pleasing me just all about himself. This has really given my self esteem a battering..... I feel like the ugliest woman on earth or something. I feel porn has made him very selfish sexually and he can't be with a actual person. It makes me sad because i do love him but should i just move on if we are not compatible sexually? ^^^The real issue here ^^^ - it is not about the fact he is just watching porn nor the merits/demerits of porn per se. 1
elaine567 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 and... #51 Thank you everyone for commenting. No I am am far from a controlling woman. In my past relationships I have never had a issue with my partner going out to bars or parties with their mates without me because i have trusted them. Thinking about it, if anyone is controlling he is, after the first month of dating he asked me numerous times to dye my blonde hair brown as "he likes brunettes" and asked me to stop wearing makeup! I dont understand most of the porn women he's jerking it to are probably wearing makeup ?? This isn't controlling but it bothers me, if we are somewhere together and if he sees a remotely attractive young woman/girl he will say to me "God would you check out that hot babe" like I am one of his drinking buddies! Geez i look at other guys but i don't say what I am thinking! It's the terrible performance with me in the bedroom that is bothering me. I feel unattractive with him. Not to sound crude but he at times has asked for a blow job which I am always willing to do but it will often end with him pushing my head out of the way and finishing off himself! I've never had that in my life and i have had numerous sexual partners. And he has never once gone down on me! Like other people have posted some guys may be able to watch porn and have a great sexual relationship with their partner but i think porn and the fact he has never had a girlfriend has effected him....i think its a lost cause though it breaks my heart to say this...He says he loves me but i don't think I will ever be what he really wants...He's a keeper.
smackie9 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 "When it comes to our sex life well lets just say from the get go it has not been good. He has never been able to "finish". Has even said things during sex like "I'm not into it". He has also been very selfish, not interested in pleasing me just all about himself. This has really given my self esteem a battering..... I feel like the ugliest woman on earth or something. I feel porn has made him very selfish sexually and he can't be with a actual person. It makes me sad because i do love him but should i just move on if we are not compatible sexually? " If it has been this crappy since "the get go" then why the hell are you wasting your time being with him?? You have no self worth or self esteem?? he's a s hitty BF get rid of him.
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