feelingtorn Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Ok, I have done a lot of reading. All the articles said I should be patient. He has kids Thu through Sat. We met about 8 weeks ago. We initially saw each other once a week, but after a month, twice a week. I am starting to really like him, but he works Sun through Wed. Very busy. We had dinner this Wed. He said he would have the younger one again this Sun because his ex wife wanted to take the older one to the movie. The boys are 2 and 4 years old. I was told they were very active. We exchanged texts today, but he did not say anything about setting up our next date. I was expecting to see him tmrw after his ex wife picks up the younger one. I know I should be patient. He divorced last winter. He said I was the very first person he got intimate with after divorce. Am I rebound? Or, this is the way it is when you date a divorced man with kids?
casey.lives Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 if he's rebounding, that's very irresponsible behavior for a man with kids. I think those kids are too young for the clean break one needs to move on in a love life. i wouldn't put too much emotional stock.. sorry
Popsicle Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 This is a very busy man because he has very young kids. You won't get much time out of him. 1
CarrieT Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Six months out of a marriage? Yep, I'd say you are rebound... 1
yxalitis Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Oh, I dunno, 6 months is pretty OK... But, yeah, GL getting much time with him.
Author feelingtorn Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 He has a nanny. She is coming back next week from summer vacation. He already said he would be free on Friday and Saturday night next week. He also said his schedule would slow down a bit. He even discussed my birthday which is two months away. Part of me thinks he is ready to date and I am not a rebound. But I get my doubt at times....I guess I am just not used to dating a divorced man with such young kids.
compulsivedancer Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 It kind of depends where he was at when they divorced. A lot of couples go through much of the grieving stages pre-divorce because they know it's coming. I'm dating a guy with two kids who works evenings four days a week, and has his kids two of the other three days, plus every other Tuesday (the third day). So he is basically only available the days he has his kids, and since I work a m-f, day job (Fridays off during the summer) we barely line up at all. Basically, I see him Sun and Tues night, after he drops off his kids (and every other Tuesday I see him earlier). Then he usually comes over and spends the night two other nights, but I'm often asleep when he gets here, so we basically get an hour or two in the morning to, ahem, eat breakfast. Of course, his kids don't usually sleep at his house. If they did, I imagine Sunday nights would be out, too. This works for us, for now, and sometimes he's able to take a Friday or Saturday off work, or spend the whole day Tuesday with me if I'm off. We've been dating about four months. This may not always work for us, but at this stage, it is enough.
Author feelingtorn Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 So, a follow up question: he texted me last night at 10 PM saying how tired he was after taking care of the boys for 3 days. We just exchanged texts. He is taking care of the younger one. He said he was going to have the boy part of the day...which I knew. Now, he has not asked if I was free tonight or would like to hang out later. Should I go ahead and ask him? I miss him and want to see him, but at the same time, should I give him space? I would hate to make him feel pressured. He may want to have some alone time. The fact he has not asked me yet means...he does not want to see me? Any advice?
Apaige Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 So, a follow up question: he texted me last night at 10 PM saying how tired he was after taking care of the boys for 3 days. We just exchanged texts. He is taking care of the younger one. He said he was going to have the boy part of the day...which I knew. Now, he has not asked if I was free tonight or would like to hang out later. Should I go ahead and ask him? I miss him and want to see him, but at the same time, should I give him space? I would hate to make him feel pressured. He may want to have some alone time. The fact he has not asked me yet means...he does not want to see me? Any advice? I hate to say, but this is how it's going to be. It's a little harder on my end, I have two children ( exh and I have a set schedule, where he has them two nights a week) bf has one child with no schedule at all with his ex, so we fly by the seat of our pants due to his non set schedule!! It's hard, very hard, so either ride the wave, seeing as though you don't have children; you are at his mercy. I would suggest that you decide now if this is worth it or not before you get too emotionally attached!! GL
Author feelingtorn Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 So i caved in and asked him what he was doing later tonight. He already had plans. He is trying to sell one of his properties. And, his highschool friend is in town. But he said he wanted to hang out and suggested tmrw night. I really think he genuinely likes me. I have dated men who weren't into me. They would say they were busy and would not follow up/or just leave it at that. This guy always follows up and comes up with a plan immediately. Well, A does not work, but what about B? I know the beginning stage of our courtship will be rough. But, I feel like once I can meet the kids and spend the time with them, it will be easier. And, I want to do all that and more. I dated a lot of immature men in the past, and feel like I finally met a man who is mature and nurturing. I tend to overthink and am being extra careful here. Because I really like him.
xcupid Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 So i caved in and asked him what he was doing later tonight. He already had plans. He is trying to sell one of his properties. And, his highschool friend is in town. But he said he wanted to hang out and suggested tmrw night. I really think he genuinely likes me. I have dated men who weren't into me. They would say they were busy and would not follow up/or just leave it at that. This guy always follows up and comes up with a plan immediately. Well, A does not work, but what about B? I know the beginning stage of our courtship will be rough. But, I feel like once I can meet the kids and spend the time with them, it will be easier. And, I want to do all that and more. I dated a lot of immature men in the past, and feel like I finally met a man who is mature and nurturing. I tend to overthink and am being extra careful here. Because I really like him. You did the right thing - and what you did wasn't "caving in." The guy is busy with two little ones and other things. Like you said he comes up with Plan B if Plan A doesn't work. He's trying. And with the nanny coming back soon it should free up some time too. Stick with him. Sounds good so far. Good luck!
Rewan Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 I can kind of understand what you mean about the difficulty with being patient about it. I had tried dating a divorced man that had a teenage daughter before, and it can be very trying. The best I can recommend, however, is that no matter what, you keep your standards set. I'm not saying you shouldn't be understanding, but what I am saying is to keep in mind where the line is for acceptable and unacceptable as far as contact and effort. This shows him where you stand and also what, ideally, you would like from him as far as respect. In my experience, I had allowed the man to have control over things between us because I felt it was fair to him. However, with giving him all the control and not making it into a shared effort, it gradually became a case of where he would stop talking to me for weeks and would ditch plans time and time again. Eventually, I had to tell him when I hadn't seen him in over a month that the next move was on him. He never made one. I'm making a point about this because I'd rather not see you alter your comfort zone in case he should start to take advantage of this. I'm not saying he will, but it is something I feel is important to note. About his divorce timeline, however, it is a toss up.. Do you know why he split away from his ex-wife? Or maybe some idea of how long he was unhappy? I know that it was about 6-8 months after my uncle divorced his wife (that he had been married to since the 80's) that he met his next girlfriend. In a case like his, he had been unhappy for years and had been trying to hold out until his kids were both out of high school to minimize the complication in the divorce. They only recently got engaged. I believe that if your man's situation is anything like that, then I don't believe you have anything to worry about. But if it was more of a sudden divorce, then perhaps he isn't really ready for something more.. I know that hurts a lot to read, but I don't think it's unjust to consider.. So, my best advice is to proceed but to be mindful of his actions and whether or not they tamper with your comfort zone or make you feel like a rebound. If you are, I think that if things are the worst case scenario where he is looking for a rebound and/or going to take advantage of your patience that you'll be better off in the long run because you'll hopefully have the strength to walk away. Hope this helps, even a little. :S
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