dragonwalker Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 (edited) Alright, just to recap, I am currently 27 and a later bloomer as far as relationships go and have had little to no previous experience. Recently I took some more chances and I met a girl at work (she was a customer). I asked her out, she accepted. We went on a first date to the farmer's market about a week ago and it went well. We had a some decent conversation and it went well. A big problem I feel I have is I'm bad at escalating things and we talked on safe topics. The date began and ended with a hug. We don't talk or text much aside from setting up a 2nd date which happened today. I met her today again with a hug but I today I wanted to make it clear I didn't want to get friendzoned. I took her to the shooting range where it was easy for me to get some instructional physical contact to try and gauge our chemistry. There was nothing awkward about it and looked like she had fun. We got some food afterwards and we had some pretty ordinary conversation topics except this time I asked about her past relationships when she mentioned her most recent relationship which seems like it ended when she said she basically lost her feelings for him, this was back in January. She says they remained friends but I saw that her eyes were getting a little watery and her demeanor was a bit sadder afterwards. I think this was a mistake but not sure. Is it ok to ask about past relationships? I asked as part of her experience being here in the US. She is a student from China completing her Masters and I had asked a lot about her experiences in the US and I thought this would be a good way to "escalate." She asked to go to the supermarket next door to pick up a few items then we left back to her place. We got onto the fact that her radio doesn't work properly in her car and I had a suggestion to fix it. I get to her place and we are in her car, doors closed, music on, and I'm trying to fix the radio and I sense a bit of sexual tension creeping over me. It got a little awkward as it became clear that I couldn't fix the radio and I wanted to go in for a kiss but I screwed up and started talking about the good time I had and like it broke the mood. But not all is lost... We got out of the car and as I was walking her back to her door she stops and says that her room mates are in the living room and suggests that she go to the door on her own. I asked if she was embarrassed by something and she just said it's just that her room mates may start asking questions. I was about to blurt out "Who cares" but politeness got the better of me and I said ok, mentioned again I had a good time, said she was gorgeous and then I asked if I could give her a kiss. I know I should have just confidently went for it but seeing as I didn't feel like I got any cues it was ok I asked. Probably a good think as she said you can give me a hug, so I did and kissed her lightly on the cheek. I left feeling a little awkward and I'm not sure what to do now to continue. What should I do? Also, I've been paying for everything so far during our first two dates except for the 1-2 items that she bought at the market. Should I still be doing this? She did offer to pay for the shooting and food but I insisted. She's by no means short on money as she lives in a nice apartment better than me, goes to an expensive private university, doesn't need to work, even drives a nicer car than me, likes to shop and is on the trendier side. Also, consider that she is an international student and perhaps things are a bit different in China. I'm not exactly sure but I am quite sure standards are more modest. I would know a little since I'm Chinese-American, born here though but I know generally things move slower however she is a pretty trendy big city girl and I get the feeling she has been in a few relationships before. She is also 23 also. I just need a second opinion about exactly how this went, what I should do next? This happens to be the furthest I've ever gotten lol Edited July 12, 2015 by dragonwalker
angel.eyes Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 It sounds like two good dates. I would ask her on a third. I would also communicate with her between dates. That's really where you build a connection. It's not during the few hours you spend on the date itself, although that gets the spark going. For me, it's all the chatting, texting, and banter between dates that makes the difference and gets me excited about seeing a guy again.
yxalitis Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 1. She's Chinese, so yes you had better damn well pay for everything...get used to that 2. You may well have imagined that sexual tension... 3. The walk to her door on her own doesn't sound right, unless family or a boyfriend was inside. 4. As for "standards are more modest" that's a cliché and usually incorrect. Come on man, figure it out..which part of China is she from, Shanghai, Beijing other big city? Then she's as unpredictable as any girl from any city that's studying overseas. Small village in rural China? Then maybe, but also remember that people change and explore things more when they are free from social norms...like studying internationally...
Jacob_Duluoz Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 I wouldn't take the roommates thing as a big deal. She just doesn't want them in her business. You can let her pay for sometimes, she has more money than you and there's no shame in that, just don't let it be every time. If she didn't want to see poor you she wouldn't see you, she likes you dude. Angel.eyes is right about the phone game too.
wizer Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Don't ask women about their past relationships during the first few dates. If they want to bring it up, fine. Otherwise, do not go there. It's a way too personal and private issue to be getting into so early on. By the same token it's probably best not to give her a run down on all the women you've dated and been involved with. Talk about present day stuff.. what you do for work, where you live, what you like to do, that sort of thing. Asking for a kiss is lame and weak. If you feel it's the right moment, look her in the eye, smile, and move towards her slowly. Worst thing that happens is you get her cheek.
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