Love93 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 I did something stupid. 1,5 years of relationship and everything was quite going well between us. My boyfriend was trying to get me into a threesome with another girl and said to me that he would like to see me with another girl. After a while I went to a party and became really drunk. At the time I was thinking that my boyfriend would like this, but when I became sober, I realised what I've done. I had a threesome with two girls and my boyfriend wasn't at that party at all. I regret the entire situation, because I don't even like girls. I feel disgusting. The next day I told him what happened, at first he reacted really calm and said he loves me and couldn't get angry at all. But a few days later he broke up with me. He didn't know how to deal with it. He also said the day after the break up that he still loves me, but that I hurted him. He still loves me, but doesn't know if he can give me another chance to be together with him. How can I fix this? Can I fix this? And is there any chance that he can take me back?
rmuscle Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 R u serious? So u cheated on him. And now u say that u don't like girls but u did a threesome. Drunk or not. U r who u r. It's saying if I guy get drunk he go F another man in the A$$ but claims he's not gay. Now u want him back because u made a mistake? Sorry not qualified to give advice for this one
ravfour4 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Ah man, that's rough. If you were legitimately trying to be a great girlfriend by meeting his "I'd love to see you with a girl" request, you're awesome and he was ****ty for making you feel pressured to do it. Looking back, you know he wanted to join, but unless you were a really great couple with a mature relationship (doesn't seem like it based on what happened), that probably would have ended up with a break up as well. You sound awesome and you were honest about everything. He sounds ****ty, just be happy he's gone and meet someone who loves you fully. If anything I'm sure it was hurtful to hear that he wanted another girl to join your sex life because he wasn't fully satisfied, you really shouldn't feel bad.
wizer Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Let me see if I got this straight. Your boyfriend said he wanted you to do a threesome. At first you didn't want to but then you went to a party and got really drunk and had a threesome, the only problem was one minor detail- he wasn't part of the threesome. 2 suggestions Tell him you misunderstood when he said he wanted you to have a threesome, he didn't make it clear that he was one of the 3 people. Stop drinking. Good luck! 2
Simon Phoenix Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Ah man, that's rough. If you were legitimately trying to be a great girlfriend by meeting his "I'd love to see you with a girl" request, you're awesome and he was ****ty for making you feel pressured to do it. Looking back, you know he wanted to join, but unless you were a really great couple with a mature relationship (doesn't seem like it based on what happened), that probably would have ended up with a break up as well. You sound awesome and you were honest about everything. He sounds ****ty, just be happy he's gone and meet someone who loves you fully. If anything I'm sure it was hurtful to hear that he wanted another girl to join your sex life because he wasn't fully satisfied, you really shouldn't feel bad. He wasn't part of the threesome. I'm guessing that's what pissed him off. Having a threesome without him isn't her "being a great girlfriend." Is he a bit of a dolt for opening up that can of worms? Perhaps. But you seem to have overlooked a pretty big detail. 2
Author Love93 Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 At first I know I made a huge mistake and realised that it was the most stupid thing to do at the moment because he wasn't there. This was also a night that I've drunk way to much, I almost never drink anymore. Second; I really really don't like girls. I didn't even do things myself in that threesome except kissing. I want to know if I can do anything to fix this, and if it can, what?
quattrob Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 At first I know I made a huge mistake and realised that it was the most stupid thing to do at the moment because he wasn't there. This was also a night that I've drunk way to much, I almost never drink anymore. Second; I really really don't like girls. I didn't even do things myself in that threesome except kissing. I want to know if I can do anything to fix this, and if it can, what? What do you do when someone is mad at you or disappointed in you? Give them some space to let them cool off and get their head clear/straighten out and then perhaps you can try to talk to him. And being drunk is just an excuse, always will be.
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Meet him to talk it over with him. What EXACTLY is it that he 'can't get over'...? The infidelity? The drunkenness? The fact he wasn't there? Discuss. It's ultimately up to him whether he forgives you. You can't force his hand. if it's over, it's over. But do NOT agree to get involved with any more threesomes, with or without him. Don't ever pick up a drink again. 1
Author Love93 Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 Meet him to talk it over with him. What EXACTLY is it that he 'can't get over'...? The infidelity? The drunkenness? The fact he wasn't there? Discuss. It's ultimately up to him whether he forgives you. You can't force his hand. if it's over, it's over. But do NOT agree to get involved with any more threesomes, with or without him. Don't ever pick up a drink again. He can't get over the fact he wasn't there, and he is afraid that this can happen again, because it happened once. And I will never drink again and never get involved with a threesome, that's for sure after this..
Gus Grimly Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Yikes, sorry to hear this tale of drunken tomfoolery gone awry. Yes, heavy drinking has caused many of us to make truly poor decisions that we'll most likely regret for the rest of our lives. Best thing to do is try not to live for a better past. Start by sticking to your promise to never take another sip of that poison. I really hope you can make amends with your guy. I'm sure he's feels pretty hurt and angry right now.
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 He can't get over the fact he wasn't there, and he is afraid that this can happen again, because it happened once. And I will never drink again and never get involved with a threesome, that's for sure after this.. So he's experiencing jealousy? It's not the infidelity, or the fact that you got drunk. He resents you "went ahead without him"....? I think he has some of his priorities skewed.... I think you need to step back, put this down to experience, and walk away. You need to find someone who's more compatible with your (sober) way of thinking, and won't make requests you don't think you'd be happy fulfilling. You don't mention your ages, but I think, if you'll excuse me saying, you need to both mature a bit, by the sound of it, until you think of dating seriously, again....
elaine567 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 OK you get back together and he brings up the threesome issue again MFF, as I guess he will still want to do it - are YOU going to be happy about this? Fine, you now may be OK with kissing another girl, but are you prepared for him f*cking another girl? Is a threesome his fantasy or just an excuse to cheat with your approval? It can be the latter so think abut it carefully. Threesomes if not thought about and discussed at length, boundaries set and an "adult" attitude to trust issues, often end up splitting the previously monogamous couple up. They are not to be agreed upon on a whim. Now you also have the added complication of you cheating to get over. He may feel entitled to a MFF threesome in revenge, how would you feel about that? Long term marriages with kids and complicated assets can spend years getting over a cheating event - for people just dating it is not worth the hassle IMO. Years in misery apologising for the past... Move on. Believe me, you do not want him back, you will regret it.
Friskyone4u Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 I don't know why there is so much focus in you r mind about not liking girls. The big issue here is you banged another man and are using that you got drunk as an excuse. What could possibly have been going through your mind that could make you think that doing this without your boyfriend there would please him???? You know for you to do this there must have been some talk of it or are we to believe that a lightbulb went off in your head and you just jumped into a bed with another guy and his girlfriend. You I am sure discussed this with them and still did it. What you boyfriend did is called consequences so maybe you will learn that alcohol is not an excuse for cheating
Author Love93 Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 I don't know why there is so much focus in you r mind about not liking girls. The big issue here is you banged another man and are using that you got drunk as an excuse. What could possibly have been going through your mind that could make you think that doing this without your boyfriend there would please him???? You know for you to do this there must have been some talk of it or are we to believe that a lightbulb went off in your head and you just jumped into a bed with another guy and his girlfriend. You I am sure discussed this with them and still did it. What you boyfriend did is called consequences so maybe you will learn that alcohol is not an excuse for cheating To be clear about this, I didn't banged another man. It was a threesome with women only....
Gus Grimly Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 To be clear about this, I didn't banged another man. It was a threesome with women only.... So then he's jealous that he wasn't there in on the action?
Author Love93 Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 So then he's jealous that he wasn't there in on the action? Yes, and he told me he is afraid that because I did this, that anything can happen now..
d0nnivain Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 The genders of the people involved don't matter. The fundamental problems here are that he asked for something he didn't understand had potential to crack the foundations of your relationship; you make poor decisions while intoxicated and you had sex without him. That last part is what he can't get past. Since you can't unring that bell, leave him be. But do yourself a huge favor & don't broadcast this debacle to your next guy when he asks why this relationship ended. 1
Author Love93 Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 The genders of the people involved don't matter. The fundamental problems here are that he asked for something he didn't understand had potential to crack the foundations of your relationship; you make poor decisions while intoxicated and you had sex without him. That last part is what he can't get past. Since you can't unring that bell, leave him be. But do yourself a huge favor & don't broadcast this debacle to your next guy when he asks why this relationship ended. I know, I can understand that, but I don't want to leave him be. He says that he still loves me and he still miss me. Only that he doesn't know if he want to give me another chance, because he doesn't know it himself how to deal with it. I want to know what I can do, trying to make it up to him. I don't know how, and I know it's not a thing where you can say sorry for and it's okay.
mightycpa Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 At first I know I made a huge mistake and realised that it was the most stupid thing to do at the moment because he wasn't there. This was also a night that I've drunk way to much, I almost never drink anymore. Second; I really really don't like girls. I didn't even do things myself in that threesome except kissing. I want to know if I can do anything to fix this, and if it can, what?Tell him you were practicing so that when you did it with him, you'd be good at it, just like the porn movies. But then you're going to have to either put on a show, or convince him that it just wasn't your kinda thing, and you won't be doing it again, with or without him.
Simon Phoenix Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 I know, I can understand that, but I don't want to leave him be. He says that he still loves me and he still miss me. Only that he doesn't know if he want to give me another chance, because he doesn't know it himself how to deal with it. I want to know what I can do, trying to make it up to him. I don't know how, and I know it's not a thing where you can say sorry for and it's okay. You have to let him be. Trying to bully him into forgiving you is basically digging your own grave. You need to give him space to process everything. At that point, he might take you back or he might let you go. But you trying to force or manipulate him into absolving you is the worst possible way to go about this. Relax, let everything settle, and things will work out the way they should.
Author Love93 Posted September 9, 2015 Author Posted September 9, 2015 It's been almost 2 months ago, he says he still love me, miss me, wants to cuddle, kiss and share the bed with me. But he says he still doesn't know if he wants me back. It driving me crazy and I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to be with him and all the things we do. But I am feeling like a puppet right now, because one day he's mad or he doesn't want any attention from me and the next day he comes over and want to cuddle and kiss.
d0nnivain Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 It's been almost 2 months ago, he says he still love me, miss me, wants to cuddle, kiss and share the bed with me. But he says he still doesn't know if he wants me back. It driving me crazy and I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to be with him and all the things we do. But I am feeling like a puppet right now, because one day he's mad or he doesn't want any attention from me and the next day he comes over and want to cuddle and kiss. Right now he's in a space where he's missing regular sex & trying to get it from you, his EX, with NSA, is easier than healing or moving on to a new healthy relationship. If you give in to the kissing, the cuddling & the bed sharing you are the only one who will get hurt. You have to force him to work through this with toward a full reconciliation before you give in to the physical only because if you put the physical 1st & don't heal the problem, you will never get this relationship back on track. You will be FWB; he won't respect you and he certainly won't deepen the relationship / commitment.
ScienceGal Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 To me it sounds like he wanted you to engage in something you didn't really want to. but because you love him, you were considering it. It's no surprise that alcohol caused you to have a moment of hazy courage and you slept with a couple women. 1) if a threesome isn't your thing, don't do it, for anyone. Ever. 2) given the circumstances, he should accept your apology. the only issue seems to be that he wasn't there. But again, refer to #1, do you want to be in a relationship with a man who wants threesomes? 3) if the answer to 2 is yes, then be straight with him. apologize once again and tell him that if he can't accept it and take you back then you're moving on. Go NC. 2 months is long enough for him to get over it or get lost.
SoThatHappened Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 I honestly think this is what's going on: He had a girl (you) but wasn't satisfied completely sexually so he proposed a threesome. Okay, I don't know any heterosexual male that wouldn't want that. What's better than two boobs? Four boobs! (Sorry, don't mean to poke fun) Now you fooled around without him and he found an excuse to make you feel guilty but keeping you around, all while being in the "clear" to chase other tail. He's getting his cake from you and probably hoping to eat it from other women. He's keeping you as a backup plan and FWB. 1
thejabberwocky Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 Sorry, this is cheating and you deserve to be dumped. Learn some loyalty. Girl or guy, it is cheating. If you BOTH agreed to a threesome and BOTH were involved that would be different. Although I don't understand why a happy relationship requires anyone else, but there is a difference between doing things together and doing things behind someone's back. Also, hurted is not a word.
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