My Plan to Maintain NC

[Gus Grimly]

I'm only on day 5, but with all the valuable info and knowledge I've gained from this site I feel confident that I will be able to maintain NC with my ex. So here are the steps I've taken so far.

 

• I've blocked my ex fiance and all her close friends and family on FB, also deleted/hid any comments she's made on my page/photos.
  
• I blocked her phone number through SPRINT and on my phone, deleting the number as well.
  
• Blocked her on STEAM, and various other entertainment sites we shared.
• Email addys - Blocked.
  
• Skype contact - Blocked.
  
• I bought the paid version of "Block Site" Chrome extension so I wouldn't be tempted to visit her recently reactivated OKCupid page (She's wasting no time).
  
• I also used the "Block Site" app to block the photographer who took our engagement pics FB page and Website (can't delete those pics), just in case I start feeling sentimental.
  
• Block various sites with her info on it like Google Plus and Linkedin.
  
• Blocked the FaceBook Block Page as a precaution if I'm tempted to unblock her on FB.
  
• Deleted all text messages, Whatsapp msgs, E-mails from her.
  
• All the photos, documents and anything related to her on my Computer was all put into a single folder and transferred to a USB thumb drive.
  
• I put that USB thumb drive, all the gifts, cards & framed pictures etc. she's given over the years into a box and gave it to my folks to hang on to.
  
• Going to sell her engagement/wedding ring asap.
  
• Removed any song that reminds me of her off my playlists.
  

 

We don't live in the same state anymore so no chance of bumping into her or her circle. So that's a huge load off my mind.

 

All these things I've done will hopefully aid in my recovery and help deter me from breaking NC in the months to come. As I've seen so much on this forum already, breaking NC is the absolute WORST thing I could do right now.

 

I can do this. I will do this!

[ravfour4]

That's the most hardcore NC I've heard of, the most important NC you need to implement is NC of the mind. Blocking everything else will help that happen, but it won't matter much if she's still vividly in your mind. You have to stop wanting her.

 

And yes, you can do this! Stay strong and start spending a lot of time on yourself.

[Palmeiras]

That is indeed a pretty strong commitment to NC. At first you have to have to do a lot of things consciously, but over time, NC will come more naturally. And then it won't be NC at all; it will simply be you not talking to a stranger.

 

Of course, she might contact you, but unless you can sense genuine contrition, politely keep her at a distance at all costs. And even if she is truly apologetic for ending things the way she did, acknowledge her sentiment, find a peace between you, and go back to your life.

 

I read your original post, and this sounds like a complicated situation with some blame to go around. All I can say is, take care of your own business and walk on. That's really all you can control anyway. Best of luck.

Edited July 12, 2015 by Palmeiras

[mightycpa]

The one extra thing you could do is to break NC once, and ask her to send you a video where she tells you all of the things that are wrong with you and declares positively that she does not want to be with you. That way you can watch it when you feel weak.

 

Barring that, you've done all you can do, except earn the independence that only time can grant.

 

Good luck.

[Gus Grimly]

..... but it won't matter much if she's still vividly in your mind. You have to stop wanting her.

Thanks ravfour4. ^This is a truth I'm ashamed to admit, sadly, but I can't get her our of my mind. It's been on autopilot ever since the BU. Last few days I'll find a distraction but once that distraction has stopped amusing me it jumps right back to her. I wish there was a switch that could turn it off.

 

That is indeed a pretty strong commitment to NC....

....I read your original post, and this sounds like a complicated situation with some blame to go around.

One thing I've learned about myself and break ups is that I'm weak. This time I wanted to make sure I didn't blow it. Yes, there is blame on both sides and I know I messed up. Just wish it didn't end the way it did.

 

"And then it won't be NC at all; it will simply be you not talking to a stranger."

^That really made me think. Pretty heavy stuff. ..... Appreciate your input.

 

... ask her to send you a video where she tells you all of the things that are wrong with you and declares positively that she does not want to be with you.

Whoa, that's kind of extreme no? I think something like that would be humiliating. I feel bad enough as it is for the mistakes I've made. I pretty much pinpointed my role in the break up. I admit I was no Knight in white satin armor, but no one's perfect.

[mightycpa]

Whoa, that's kind of extreme no? I think something like that would be humiliating.

Oh yeah, that's very extreme. And you're right about the humiliation, but better to experience it at home, in the privacy of your video theater, before you break NC, rather than after. The temptation to reach out and reconnect can be very strong.

 

To paraphrase Barry Goldwater,

 

Extremism in the defense of your sanity is no vice.

Anyway, I was just kidding. You won't really need that, but sometimes, you'd find something like that very helpful.

[Ariess10]

Now that's how you do nc. !! I wish I had done that then I wouldn't have seen her on a dating site .. Way to go !!!

[Gus Grimly]

The temptation to reach out and reconnect can be very strong.

.

 

Not gonna lie, it has been. I'm the flip-flop master with this NC thing. But I haven't made any contact. Once I'm past the acceptance stage, It won't be as difficult.

 

"Extremism in the defense of your sanity is no vice." - hehe, love it Thanks!

[aloneinaz]

Not gonna lie, it has been. I'm the flip-flop master with this NC thing. But I haven't made any contact. Once I'm past the acceptance stage, It won't be as difficult.

 

"Extremism in the defense of your sanity is no vice." - hehe, love it Thanks!

 

 

You're on the right path. I went HARDCORE NC when my last ex and I ended. I VANISHED from her life and did everything you did. It was the absolute best thing I could of done. After a couple of months, I felt good enough to start dating and met my now 2 year GF several months later.

 

 

Other good ideas that worked for me-

 

 

* Build a "reminder" log of all the things you didn't like about the ex.

* I did a pro and con log and was horrified how few "cons" I could come up with.

* Remove and delete all emails, texts, pictures, etc from your phone and computer. If you want to keep some, move them to a memory stick and hide it in the basement.