JJCaliGirl Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 I recently asked about how to move from emailing to meeting with 2 guys. I went out with one of them, and while I wasn't fully into him, I was willing to meet him for a second date. This was last weekend. He contacted me yesterday to ask what if I was free this weekend. I let him know that I will be free on Sunday afternoon, and he is currently asking what I would like to do. Now here is the quandary... I decided this past week that I was not ready to start dating agin and was about to take down my OLD profile. I ended up going out with a different guy on Thursday who I had already planned on seeing before I made my decision. I'm taking it slow with him because of my indifference towards dating right now. I know I need to let the first guy know that I am not ready to date, but because I said I could do something Sunday, is it a horrible thing to let him know tonight that I cannot do it? I was planning the following text (this is how he contacts me), "Hi J. I don't want to lead you on. I broke up with my ex a month ago. I thought I was ready to start dating again, but I don't think I am. I really appreciate the time we spent together, but this is not the right time for me." Thoughts?
Gaeta Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 It's fine. He'll understand. He will appreciate you tell him now and not just stand him up like many would do. 1
Rewan Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 I think that it's a safe and honest text because it is, truly, how you feel. I'm not going to sugar coat it for you; it will be a let down if he asked you about making plans for Sunday. But in the long run, it's a lot better than keeping him around and leading him on. That's what I think, at least, speaking as someone that has been led on quite a bit. And just because you don't want to date him doesn't mean you can't be friends if you wanted to. Hope this helps 1
Author JJCaliGirl Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 Thanks to you both. He said he understood and thanked me for letting him know.
toml Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 I think that it's a safe and honest text because it is, truly, how you feel. I'm not going to sugar coat it for you; it will be a let down if he asked you about making plans for Sunday. But in the long run, it's a lot better than keeping him around and leading him on. That's what I think, at least, speaking as someone that has been led on quite a bit. And just because you don't want to date him doesn't mean you can't be friends if you wanted to. Hope this helps Well what if he isnt looking for friends? He doesnt have to accept fri3ndship so thats not upto her and if she gets pissed that OP has not accepted her friendship then who is in the wrong? Hmm
casey.lives Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 that's sounds very reasonable and gentlemanly... honestly.. that text would make you more desirable to a woman... i wish more guys took time between exes as to not hurt an unsuspecting woman with the rebound chaos that ensues
angel.eyes Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 You did the right thing. Better to say something before the date, than to tell him either on or after the date.
Rewan Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Well what if he isnt looking for friends? He doesnt have to accept fri3ndship so thats not upto her and if she gets pissed that OP has not accepted her friendship then who is in the wrong? Hmm I'm not entirely sure why you responded like this to a simple post about trying to be respectful to someone who is trying to date the OP, but if they don't become friends, it won't be the end of the world..
Author JJCaliGirl Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 This would be a guy I would consider being friends with, but I'm honestly not looking for a guy friend especially since I'm still dating the 2nd guy, M. It's very early with him, but I have a lot in common with him which is why I'm not going to tell him what I told tomorrow's guy. Again, J was thankful, so this helps me out for future guys if M doesn't work out.
IronZ Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Your message seems a little robotic if you ask me, but I guess it gets the point across. Just be kind to him. What choice does he have but to move on? I've been on the other end of that one where a date is broken right before taking place. Actually I was going to see a new potential love interest tomorrow that I thought was really into me, but she broke things off today. Trust me, it really sucks, so be kind.
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