grokcahsevol Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Well, my plans for tonight were canceled and so bored! I'm curious, how long did it take you to get over your break up and how long were you guys together for? Also, how did you meet your current partner (if you have one)?
ravfour4 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 I'll give you a run down of my 2 serious relationships & breakups. First one - 2.5 years, started and ended while in college. She always liked me more than I liked her, I eventually gave in to her persistence. Was thinking about breaking up with her, then she did it to me. I was devastated, thought about her 24/7, felt a lot of anxiety, zero appetite, skipped classes, felt like I couldn't have fun. After a month of talking I went NC, she tried to break it a few times and I didn't respond. After a while, we started meeting up for lunch once a week, she went on a vacation with a guy she was with and eventually came back to me. We went back into a full blown relationship, but then she started acting like she hated me while saying that she loved me. I checked her phone and found out she was cheating on me. I left, walked home and never looked back. I didn't really understand the break up and hence whatever problem we had the first time remained. I was sad, but not nearly as sad as before, she had betrayed me and I knew I had to move on. I hooked up with a few women over the next year, nothing special. Then I met my recent ex, love at first sight, she was a friend of a friend and we never stopped talking after we met. We were obsessed with each other and maintained a long distance relationship for 8 months, visiting each other almost every weekend. then she moved in with me and we lived in 4 different apartments over the close to 4 years we were together. I loved her so much and knew I wanted to marry her early on. Things became stale and she never really went out of her way to do anything nice, we grew apart and she broke up with me. At first, I was relieved. We were living together and I was free of the tension. Soon after my father passed at a young age and I felt like I needed her, she was kind of there for me, but after the break up we argued all the time and she instantly moved on to a married coworker who had been a friend for a while. It was incredibly stressful. We broke up in Jan, she moved out in April (I couldn't handle it once I found out about the new guy), she came back in May with a half ass reconciliation attempt, went back to the other guy, broke up with him soon after and we hung out a few times in June. Then she was acting distant so I said stop talking to me - she called, we talked for an hour and she said she understood, but she's still been talking to me. I'm fully open to meeting new people at this point and have been spending a lot of time on myself, but a part of me still sincerely cares about her and wants her back in a non-needy non-super emotional way.
Rewan Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 My longest relationship was a two-part one. The first part spanned about six months, and then we were broken up for eight months. Then the second part lasted ten months until it fell apart again.. The first time we broke up, the feelings never really went away. We had split because he had gotten very distant and pushed me away. During this time, he was being very confusing and tried to hang out with me a lot. Each time we would, he would bring up some kind of topic- either about us or about being flirtatious- that kind of ended up being awkward. It always made me very uncomfortable, despite how much I still felt for him and how much I wished he'd tell me he wanted to come home. I'd end up sitting on the couch in his apartment holding my hands together and being quiet. Finally, he had gotten the hint and started to let me be, especially after I confronted him with a bit of advice my therapist (I had been seeing one at the time.) told me to use. From then, I kind of went on a semi-self-destructive path since I couldn't afford to go to therapy anymore. I did a ton of creative writing, but I turned down dating and settled for solitude. Then we managed to patch things up, until he started to become distant again. And after all of it, I'd say that my feelings started to go away once that happened. Since I had already been through losing him before, I was kind of just numb.. And I survived; I managed to find myself again without therapy, as if in some sick way, dating him was my therapy.. Since then, I've found someone else I care about, but he just wants to be friends. So, I'm going through a new one.. Whatever you do, don't allow yourself to lose sight of who you are at heart. If you're a stranger to yourself, you're on the wrong path.
theredpill Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Here's my last few years in brief I was with my daughters mother 11 years, split and was actually over the moon and the relationship 6 months before it ended, in fact I couldn't wait to see the back of her, knew any relationship on my side would result in trouble - so dated quietly in the background without really looking for a relationship for about 5 years, was easy and carefree Asked my mates wife about 6 years ago did she have any friends looking for a bit of fun, nothing too serious. She said she didn't know anyone, then two weeks later one of her female friends asked the same question... bingo! Exchanged no more than about 3 texts with her friend and a quick call to arrange the "blind date", arrived a few minutes late, drove past the place we were due to meet and there was this gorgeous women standing outside, result! We talked and laughed like old friends, then a few days before date #2 she texted to say listen, I like you but I don't have time or space for a relationship. This caught me completely by surprise and I responded with "errr, I was under the impression we were just having fun?" Apparently this was exactly the right thing to say and within a couple of months she'd declared the "relationship" even her friends were completely taken aback, took me to Ireland for her best mates 40th, planning trips away, everything was awesome, fast forward 9 months later when we decided to tell my daughters mum, so we could be a bit more family'esque... it all went to **** My daughters mum told me she was so pleased for me and happy I'd found someone, 24 hours later I get "you're never seeing your daughter again you f'kin bastard!" although she'd already married someone else, don't ask, don't know... What do you do in this situation, kill the ex or leave the amazing girl you loved? Unfortunately murder wasn't an option, so I fell on the proverbial sword, feck me did that hurt and hurt a lot, probably more than the sword. For an entire month I felt absolutely gutted, like my whole world had just been sucked down the plug hole. Within a couple of weeks I was hooking up with a great girl on Match.com, although she was awesome, she knew I only wanted the ex... Month 2 got a little better admittedly until I saw the ex in a car whilst running one night, back to square one pretty much. Month 3, ah... clarity, acceptance and proper dating, not the empty experiences you have when newly single. Month 4, arranged a date with a woman I'd been speaking to on an off, no real expectations, turn up and a human Jessica Rabbit is waiting for me, yummy! Intelligent, funny, witty, sexy and again within a couple of months it went official, not quite in the same way as the last one. She'd gone to the bathroom one night and was in there quite a while, asked if she was okay as I could hear crying (Red flag #1) she told me it was because I didn't seem like I wanted a relationship with her and in all fairness knowing she'd gone through a long marriage with cheating on both sides, I was really cautious to get too involved. But hey feck it, we've all done it and let our hearts lead the way and I found out the hard way that once a cheater, always a cheater. I'd noticed the pain I had when running happened at rest one Sunday afternoon, went the hospital Monday and was told it was acid reflux. Tuesday the pain came again and didn't go away, just got worse and it turns out I'd had a heart attack (blocked artery) the course of tablets I then had to take after my stent operation completely zombified me, sex drive had driven far, far away and I just wasn't interested in it for a long time, needs weren't met and weak people seek attention elsewhere. This breakup wasn't too bad, in fact nothing compared to the last but it still hurt with the extra betrayal, but within a month I was ready to start dating seriously again and a month after that, met my last girlfriend. Again I wasn't really taken by the photo's or profile but everyone you meet could potentially introduce your to their friends, so I went for it. My mistake for not meeting her sooner, there's nothing like a 5'8" women rocking no makeup and looking hot, we talked & laughed from 8PM till 12AM and decided to head into town (a first time for her going somewhere like that with a stranger) and we stayed out for a few more hours, was amazing. We had a brilliant first year, then in Jan this year my father passed away and my tenants moved out at the same time leaving the place in a right mess that needed lots of work, money got tight, really tight. It's bad enough going through the loss of a parent and having to find £6500 to cover everything, if you don't have it to hand is stressful. Work at the same time was beginning to take it's toll with 12 hours days and even longer hours every 2 weeks a month, this along with the money meant I couldn't spend as much time with her as I did or do the things a man needs to do to court his women, could feel her pain from me not making time. My girl had epilepsy and can't work, employers won't hire due to insurance reasons - once a month she'd just fall over and have a fit, it's a terrible thing for her to deal with. Her release is to party and whilst I worked normal hours, this was easy and fun but as time become more difficult to free up, feelings get hurt and the future is then questioned, good people protect themselves when the future is in doubt and we were both hurting in our own way and things started slipping with no way to stop it... wasn't easy to keep the embers of the original relationship glowing, so we decided to call it a day after 18 months. This hurts, for two reasons it was my fault and she didn't really do anything wrong, apart from miss me. It's been less than a week and I know she's sad from one of her FB posts (I've blocked her page, friend told me) but until my situation changes, reconciling now would just lead to further heartbreak until I've got the time to give. I can be absolutely truthful and say it stings like a mothaf00ker, but I know it's for the best, the end was handled as awesomely as the start and the door is left open. If my situation changes and she gets in touch before either of us move on, I'd give it another go. Guess what I'm trying to say is everyone's situation is different, nobody can tell you how long it's going to take to get over your pain, or meet the next one but what I can tell you is no matter how much pain you're in, when you meet someone who ticks your boxes (and you absolutely must get back on the horse, work on yourself and date as soon as you're ready... no sulking!!!) you wont give a flying feck about the last one if you hold true to what you really want.
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