Cocodainty Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 (edited) I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 months on Monday. It was a decision I didn't want to make, but I felt like there was no other option. I'm 20 and doing my nurses training, he's 19 bouncing between jobs. We were friends for about 7-8 months before we started dating. I ended things because I found he was being very rude to me lately, shouting at me and always shooting me down. Whenever I brought it up he would just pass it off as him being him. He hasn't always been like this and a few of our friends have noticed a change in him in the last month. I've always been supportive and calm when speaking to him but he complained Sunday night I was being too motherly when I told him to calm down and deal with a situation with one of our friends calmly. It's in my nature to be a motherly figure (child nurse) and caring for other people's feelings but I'm not keen on being that way with my boyfriend so it pretty much was one of the things that made me then break up. He was surprised when I ended things. I explained to him calmly that I felt he was really aggressive with me lately and has been taking a lot of his bad moods out on me, he never seemed to care about how I was doing. Immediately he's furious, sending me many texts afterwards saying "**** you" and calling me "bitch" and all of that. He even goes as far to ring me and then hang up. I ignore this all until it stops. About a day later and he's on the phone to me apologising, and we agree to stay as friends. Except now he's ringing and texting me everyday like normal. Even though we were friends before, he only started to call me to talk for a good amount of time 2-3 times a day when we were midway into our relationship. He text me while drunk last night to say he still loves me. But then said today on the phone that he'd rather I'd been honest about his aggressiveness when we were together so we could have resolved it before I broke up with him (I had, and if I had addressed it more often I know him well enough to say that he'd get either more angry with me or tell me to stop being sensitive). But then says we can't get together again because that'll be going backwards. I don't even know how to handle this because I've already said maybe we shouldn't be talking exactly how we did when we were together because I need time, but he doesn't really accept this and says but we're just friends... Then acts as normal. Kinda confused by him, so I'm going to gradually distance myself to NC. Regardless of the problems we had the last few weeks I've got a lot of good, happy memories with him so the breakup wasn't my easiest decision and this contact with him since has played with my mind. Would like to hear an outsiders opinion/advice!! Edited July 11, 2015 by Cocodainty
mightycpa Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 If it bothers you because you dumped him but still had feelings, then you are the dumpee in spirit, although not in fact. As such, if you want out of this, then you must go NC for your own sanity. However, if you don't have feelings, then you really have one consideration and two ways it can go: 1) his perception of the relationship doesn't bother you... all is good 2) his perception of the relationship does affect you.. then you need to cut if off. 2/3 of the possibilities says that you need to cut this guy off. What are you waiting for?
spiderowl Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 If you don't want to stay in touch with him, then tell him and go no contact. The break-up was a shock to him as he hadn't taken in that you were bothered by his behaviour, but because it was so new to him he hasn't had chance to mentally adjust about being separated like you have. Most dumpers have made the decision some time before they dump the other person; he hadn't. He's making the adjustment but still confused. It's up to you whether you stay in touch or not. You don't have to.
wizer Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 You really need to be strong and stand up to this guy and tell him you're not sure that you can be friends at this point, you need time and space to sort through your feelings, and to please not contact you, and when and if you are ready to be friends you will contact him. Then stop taking his calls, and if necessary block his number. After an initial protest on his part that may last for days or weeks he'll quiet down, as long as you stay strong and don't falter and break no contact.
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