What's it like dating a widow(er)? How about dating as a widow(er)? I am curious

[kaylan]

I've been browsing online dating profiles and happened across a couple widower profiles this week. I am curious what's anyone's experience dating a widower, or being a widower and getting back into dating.

 

I am not getting into a dating situation with a widower, but I am very curious about how one deal's with the emotion's of it.

 

Heck, when I eventually lose one of my pets, Im not sure if Ill be able to ever have another. So I can only imagine how hard it is to open your heart to love again after losing a bf/gf/husband/wife.

 

When sharing your experience, do tell me what age you were when the experience occurred. Im also wondering if age has a much different effect on a widower (for example being 29 and losing your husband....vs being 55)

[BC1980]

I dated a widower for 3 years. He barely talked about his first wife. I really don't have much insight into how he dealt with what happened because I never felt it was my place to ask. He never brought it up either. My general sense was that he idealized that time in his life and wanted to recreate it. He also wanted a mother for his child. When he broke up with me, he was more upset about loosing the chance to marry and be a family than loosing me. He would always say what his married years were the best of his life. I don't if that was genuinely true or if he was idealizing the past.

 

He dealt with a lot of rejection in his life. He mom abandoned him at a young age, and his father and step-mother were abusive. I feel that he never fully acknowledged or dealt with any of these issues. He did not emotionally attach to people in a normal way and had a lot of narcissistic qualities. He felt a tremendous amount of guilt over her death and blamed himself for his son not having a mother. I guess a lot of your experience with a widower will depend on how open the person is to dealing with the trauma. I think that has a whole heck of a lot to do with it. He eventually married a woman that looks a lot like his first wife, has the same profession, and same age. Make of that what you will.

 

I probably have much more insight in how to deal with in-laws (or ex in-laws) and a widower's children. Those issues will surface at some time to varying degrees.

Edited July 11, 2015 by BC1980