accident_prone Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 girlfriend of a few months is awesome. We hangout or go out 2-3 times a week even though we are both busy with work but we make time. we always have a good time. the one thing that bothers me is that she will very rarely ask me to get together. we'll talk every day usually, but i am the one to make plans. i generally don't mind at all and shes generally eager, but i think she assumes that i will or waits on me to do so. i have been burned in the past by slowly becoming the only one to make effort or make plans and while this seems way different and better, i still have that in the back of my mind. any advice is appreciated. thanks!
fitnessfan365 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 One word for you - communication. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result. So if you don't talk to her about it and keep waiting for things to change, they won't. Personally, it wouldn't bother me. I appreciate a woman that likes an older fashion dynamic. It's sexy as hell when you make plans with a woman, she gets excited, feels desired, and shows her appreciation in the bedroom like a good girl. As long as she chips in financially from time to time, I'm happy. After all, the guy traditionally courts the woman. 1
katiegrl Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 One word for you - communication. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result. So if you don't talk to her about it and keep waiting for things to change, they won't. Personally, it wouldn't bother me. I appreciate a woman that likes an older fashion dynamic. It's sexy as hell when you make plans with a woman, she gets excited, feels desired, and shows her appreciation in the bedroom like a good girl. As long as she chips in financially from time to time, I'm happy. After all, the guy traditionally courts the woman. LOL @ "like a good girl." But other than that, great post....
IronZ Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 I see no reason why you can't just talk to her about it. Tell her you would like her to be more proactive in planning things with you. That you feel it's very one-sided. If she's serious about the relationship she will gladly talk to you and make some changes to her attitude.
fitnessfan365 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 LOL @ "like a good girl." But other than that, great post.... Well it's equally fun when she's bad too.
katiegrl Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Well it's equally fun when she's bad too. Now THAT is something I can relate to! :bunny:
katiegrl Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 I see no reason why you can't just talk to her about it. Tell her you would like her to be more proactive in planning things with you. That you feel it's very one-sided. If she's serious about the relationship she will gladly talk to you and make some changes to her attitude. I agree with this. OP, *you* have set up the dynamic here...... of always asking her out, and her responding. She has no reason to believe you even want her to take the initiative...... since you always have and seemed happy to do so. Problem is, you are not happy, but SHE does not know that.....she is simply following YOUR lead. So, if you want the current dynamic to change, you will have to talk to her and let her know how you feel.
Author accident_prone Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 thanks for all the responses. i agree with you all. i really don't mind making the plans and i enjoy taking her out or doing whatever we do. i think i'm mostly just bothered by is the idea of her getting bored by this dynamic of me always "pursuing" her even though like i said she is generally eager and happy with me and our time together. it would just be cool to get a "hey what are you doing tonight/whenever" instead of it mostly being the other way around. my previous experiences have kinda jaded me a bit but i'm trying.
katiegrl Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 *it would just be cool to get a "hey what are you doing tonight/whenever" instead of it mostly being the other way around. I dunno, call me crazy, but maybe tell HER that? Just a thought...:bunny:
angel.eyes Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 (edited) Ask her in a nice way to plan a date. I've had guys do that. The first time I was asked, it caught me off-guard. He jokingly asked me to plan our next date, and I jokingly said, he was doing such a fine job, I wasn't going to mess with his rhythm. But once I realized it was a real request, I planned a spectacular, knock-it-out of the ballpark next date for him...and we started alternating who planned. It's easy to fall into a routine. If it bothers you, communicate and negotiate something that feels a little more equitable to you. I'm sure she won't mind. Just leave out the part about being burnt by past girlfriends and feeling jaded...that's baggage. (No one needs to know that!) Everything else is more than reasonable to mention. Edited July 12, 2015 by angel.eyes 1
ascendotum Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 I agree with this. OP, *you* have set up the dynamic here...... of always asking her out, and her responding. She has no reason to believe you even want her to take the initiative...... since you always have and seemed happy to do so. Problem is, you are not happy, but SHE does not know that.....she is simply following YOUR lead. So, if you want the current dynamic to change, you will have to talk to her and let her know how you feel. I agree with the conclusion, that he needs to talk to her and explain his dissatisfaction with the lopsided dynamic. Wile great sex is the ultimate barometer of a woman's enthusiasm for me (and I also want her to be proactive there as well), its not the sole marker and I still don't want all the effort in our social life to fall to me. I'm not one to hold on to traditions given so much have changed in dating & relationships over the last 30 off yrs, so I am not going to buy into that since I do other things (ie cooking, cleaning, shopping) that break with tradition. As for the OP setting up the dynamic, I'd say the vast majority of relationships start out this way, with the guy initiating. Like the OP I've been burned on low effort gfs, so for me I want to see enthusiasm from a gf arranging activities & communication with me. It doesn't have to be a measured 50:50 thing, I just want to some initiative for me from her.
Recommended Posts