sososoconfused Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Hey everyone, So Ive been in a long distance relationship for four months with a guy that i haven't met yet but care so much about. We met online whilst I was in his city with the intention to move there(I had planned on moving there before we met) but things didn't go as planned and my move there got delayed. I told him about the delay and initially he was okay with it and we continued talking to each other daily. My reasons for moving there have changed and I will most likely not be moving anymore. He still thinks I will be moving there soon and continues to talk about us and a 'future' with me. I don't know how to tell him that I will no longer be moving there without hurting his feelings or losing him, but I also know that I cannot delay telling him much longer than I already have. I feel so guilty about this but I don't know how to. Any advice would be greatly appreciated
Gus Grimly Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 I don't know how to tell him that I will no longer be moving there without hurting his feelings or losing him, My experience with a serious LDR is that it won't work unless you both, at some point, make plans to see each other as much as possible and eventually make Life changing plans like relocating to a new location. My advice to you? Full transparency. It's a must in a LDR because because the physical connection is missing and all you have are each others words to fill in the gaps. If you love him, be honest. LDR take a lot of faith, trust and planning where eventually the two of you will one day be united. But you both need to work this out together. If you aren't that serious and neither you nor he are willing to make some big sacrifices, it's just not gonna work out. Hundreds of hours on Skype, countless Whatsapp messages, Facebook likes, on-line gaming sessions etc. can help keep the connection alive, but it doesn't have lasting power. One can only wait so long, life is too short to go into the unknown not knowing. 1
LoveIsMyReligion Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 I would list possile solutions to your problem and then tell him. Nobody wants a giant problem dumped on them.. it would probably make him feel pretty bad. Show that you are at least making an effort by coming up with some ideas on how you guys could be together - otherwise he (or I) would see it as you saying good bye. 1
JanaRas Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Do you love him deeply? Would he be willing to move? I would list possible alternatives/compromises in order to plan a life together. Without concrete and shared views on the subject (eventually moving together), I don't see an LDR working out.
Author sososoconfused Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 Thank you for the responses, I have asked him about this before, about what would happen to us, to our relationship if I was unable to move there and he told me it would be very difficult for us to try and make it work seeing as we haven't met each other yet. I guess I need to just tell him and be okay with the possibility of us breaking up.
Lois_Griffin Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 I hate to be the buzz kill here, but I think it's time for some sorely needed reality. You've been talking to someone for 4 months. It's not a romance, it's not a relationship, it's basically nothing more than a friendship conducted solely by the internet. Seriously, if you took away the internet, you wouldn't have a 'relationship.' Just tell him your plans have changed and you're not coming out his way. Let's face it. If he's THAT invested in an online 'relationship' after only 4 months, then there's something emotionally wrong with him, anyway. I'm assuming he probably hasn't had much real life experience in the romance department. And since you're not moving there anyway, what are you really 'losing?' A Skype buddy? You haven't even touched each other or kissed or had dinner together or gone to the movies or held hands or even chatted over a cup of coffee together at the local diner. What would be the POINT of continuing this? So you can say you're in a 'committed relationship' and spend every weekend alone, letting life pass you right on by because you're 'committed' to someone on the computer? The absurdity of wasting your youth over someone on Skype who you'll probably never even meet has to be the most pointless thing you could possibly do. Go out and live your life authentically. Enjoy your REAL life and don't let another minute of it slip through your fingers pledging your loyalty to a computer screen. Seriously. 1
justwhoiam Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 We met online whilst I was in his city with the intention to move there(I had planned on moving there before we met) but things didn't go as planned and my move there got delayed. What's the reason for the delay? My reasons for moving there have changed and I will most likely not be moving anymore. [...] I don't know how to tell him that I will no longer be moving there So, you have already decided. Why are you not willing to move anymore? Sorry, but without the above information, it's difficult to suggest anything.
d0nnivain Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 So Ive been in a long distance relationship for four months with a guy that i haven't met yet but care so much about. Reality check: you don't know him. This isn't a relationship, It's a fantasy. Until you meet in person this is not real. Just tell him plans changed. You didn't deliberately lie to him. It just didn't work out. If you would like to try to build a relationship with him at least take a trip to visit him & his city. Until you make arrangements to take this off-line into real life there is nothing here.
nouedis Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Long distant relationships never seem to work out to begin with
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