mr9396 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Everyday it becomes clearer that me and my ex are not almost definitely not getting back together. We've had NC for about 2 weeks now, and whilst I feel better generally, I still love and miss her as much as I have done since we started going out. I'm going to university in 2 months, for a 3/4 year course, so I know that the saying 'if it's meant to be, it will be', won't apply for a few years, so either way I will have to get over my feelings for now. I have the added bonus of knowing that due to many factors of which i won't go into, she won't be in another relationship for a long time, not that it matters though, but it makes me feel a bit better. How long did it take you to fall out of love?
ScotchBeef Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Depends on the person I suppose, along with countless other variables. I twice was in the unfortunate position of working with long term partners after we broke up, so the whole NC option wouldn't have worked. The first time around, I moved on pretty quickly, the second time was a little rougher. Generally though, the less you think about her the quicker you'll get over her. If you find memories or feelings crawling into your head, just push them out and think about something else. People say that is easier said than done but it literally isn't. You have full control over that you choose to think about, just have to make that choice. 1
pillowpuffs Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 I'm not too sure. I've been NC for a month and a half now (basically since the BU) and I am far from over my ex. I went out for one of the first few times last night and ended up spending about an hour and a half in the toilet just sobbing because I realised I was so alone and all I wanted was him but I'm never getting him. I think it really depends. For me, he was my first love, my first everything and I don't think the feelings will ever go away tbh. It terrifies me but I know how I feel about this person and I don't think it's ever going away..
Ariess10 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 I'm not too sure. I've been NC for a month and a half now (basically since the BU) and I am far from over my ex. I went out for one of the first few times last night and ended up spending about an hour and a half in the toilet just sobbing because I realised I was so alone and all I wanted was him but I'm never getting him. I think it really depends. For me, he was my first love, my first everything and I don't think the feelings will ever go away tbh. It terrifies me but I know how I feel about this person and I don't think it's ever going away.. I promise you it will with nc , it might take months or a year but it will 2
pillowpuffs Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 I promise you it will with nc , it might take months or a year but it will I want to believe you so badly. Thanks for the reassurance anyway.
Mrin Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 It all depends. I could give you the big long brain answer but here is the short: the secret is to do new stuff. Lots and lots of new stuff. Even if you don't really like it. Just that it is new to your brain. Do that, a lot, and you will be surprised how quickly the emotions fade.
erklat Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 In my case just under year and a half strict nc. I still to this day miss the way I felt then because of her .
DexterLS Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 I can't tell you exactly how much time it takes. It depends on people. I have broken NC quite a few times: 1) After 5 days 2) After 7 days 3) After 16 days 4) After 29 days .. and in all these cases, it only resulted in me getting hurt. So, I took a stance around 2 weeks ago and told my ex that I don't think I can do this anymore and I left. I haven't stalked her social media profiles at all. She is going on a trip next Saturday with her new boyfriend and it should technically be hell for me right now, but it's not! I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have spent the last 2-3 days working on some stuff I am really passionate about. I haven't had so much fun for the past few months. Things are looking good. However hard it might be right now for you, please know that it DOES get better. Just stick with strict NC and I promise you, it will be better. Dexter 2
aloneinaz Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Here was my timeline 2 + years ago when the ex dumped me. Month 1- Couldn't eat or sleep well. Depressed/sad/shocked most of the month Month 2- Sleeping and eating returned. Feeling better overall. Sadness turned to anger that I put up w/her BS for as long as I did. Reality of the relationship being toxic and un-healthy kicked in. Month 3- Accepted it was over, I wouldn't go back to her and started dating. Still thought of her of course but it was MUCH easier. Month 4- Still dating, having a good time and realized there were so many single people out there looking for the same thing as me. Month 5- Met my now 2 year GF who lives w/me. Month 6- The ex who dumped me came by my house to apologize. I was asleep. She texted a lloonngg apology text the next night telling me she stopped by. I ignored her. 2 weeks later, a lloonngg email, again apologizing, missed me, wanted me back, blah, blah, blah.. She kept emailing until my GF told me to tell her I've moved on, am in a RS and good luck. She still emailed off/on over the next few months getting ignored. I stayed HARDCORE NC the whole time. She heard NOTHING from me after she ended us. I avoided places I could of run into her. I blocked her on all social media. I vanished from her life. THAT allowed me to accept that she was not for me and I'd had enough of that failed relationship. I'm so glad I stayed NC.
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 It's hard to say. There have been times where I've been NC 2 or 3 weeks, then I saw him and it all went to crap and I backtracked. I haven't gone out for the past couple of weekends and I feel much better. You really just have to, as hard as it is, realize that the relationship wasn't good for you. The thing for me was that I idealized him in my mind, and yearned for the person he once was in the first few months of our relationship. Once I realized that he was no longer that person, it has been a little easier for me to think of other things. That being said, there are still times where I miss him. I think I just miss having someone . NC does help, though. I wish I had stuck with it from the start. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 As a general proposition the duration of the residual feelings will vary based on a number of factors: age, life experience, who initiated the break up, length of relationship etc. It's a grief process & it will happen in its own time. That said, I give it about 1-2 week after you start university especially if you immerse yourself in all of the new opportunities open to you. You will be so busy as your whole world opens up in ways you never imagined you won't have time to miss your EX. That requires you to participate in school orientation & get involved on campus. If you sit in your dorm room & wallow instead of embracing your new situation, the sad feelings will continue indefinitely.
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