grokcahsevol Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 (edited) I started to see a therapist and I was told that I should write a letter to her, but wait a little bit before sending it to her and see if she reaches out. As the last thing I told her was "If you want to rekindle things, reach out" Obviously if she doesn't reach out, shes moved on. As I was typing this letter, I cried, smiled and got mad. Every day is also the same, the mornings I will miss her dearly, then throughout the day I just don't care about her.. then night comes and I start thinking about her again. I have also been going out a lot, which kinda helps but no matter how beautiful a woman looks.. I just can't attract myself to them. You know how guys see a beautiful woman, and they think to themselves I want her, I can see myself marrying her, her and I will be awesome together That's how I met my ex 9 years ago, but right now no woman as attractive to me. Is this just a process of moving on? After typing the letter, I felt a good amount of pressure off my chest even though I still have not sent it to her. I'll be editing it every few days until I do send it. I just want to move on already, and I feel like I need to hear her say it to me. I know many say not too write a letter especially if you were dumped, but after explain everything my therapist mentioned that she seems to be a very emotional girl, which she is, always has been, and that's how we started back when we first met.. writing letters which she still has from almost 10 years ago, plus an entire diary of us. Edited July 11, 2015 by grokcahsevol
Ariess10 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Sounds like it's a fresh breakup and seems very normal what your going through .. The going out but women just don't seem attractive , it's because your hurting feel the hurt embrace it .. I would write a letter BUT DONT SEND IT
OldSoul86 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Personally, I would never send the letter that I wrote to my ex. Granted our circumstances are different - I have no desire to reconcile. If you truly want to move on, you need to write the letter and NOT send it in my opinion. As for not finding other women attractive, if the breakup is relatively fresh - which it sounds like it is, attraction to others will come with time. Take how you're feeling now as a sign that you should not be doing anything more than trying to make friends with women. Once you get some distance, perspective, and objectivity you will begin to realize that there are other women out there - others that you may even be attracted to. Just give it time, no sense in rushing and potentially hurting someone because you're entering a relationship as a broken person. 1
Seeker12 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 I did the whole writing a note etc. not to send to my ex, but just to get these thoughts out my head, once they were out and down and i didnt care, i deleted the notes. For you, id say dont send it, youve laid your cards out on the table, your ex knows exactly what she has to do. Youve been dumped shes moved on, a letter from you at this point wont be all romantic but to her, a desperate attempt using a way which you think will work, for you to get back in her life. In terms of not finding anyone attractive, yea thats part of the recovery process, dont worry in time itll flip and youll find everyone attractive, be very careful at this point, and then eventually itll get to a point where your stable and back to your normal self and choosy in who you find and dont find attractive.
dumbass2 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 I had just started seeing a therapist in the first month after my break up. Emotions are high and all of the place that early on. I told my therapist that I want to send her an email. I wrote it out, she read it, suggest a couple of minor changes and then said it would be ok to send. She never once tried to talk me out of it. I sent it at the one month point and it was the only thing I regret doing and that includes anything during the relationship and else after the break up. The one and only regret was sending that email because I was not sure where I was at the time and what I truly wanted. I sent it to try and help me get over her faster. It had the opposite effect. I should have written it down and saved it on my computer and looked at it again 30 days down the road. In hindsight, I never would have sent it. That is my advice. At the very least, sit on it for minimum 30 days and if you change it all, leave it another 30 days. I have a feeling that if you look at it again 30 days down the road, you will probably be happy you didn't send it or you may still have the feeling to send something, but it will be a whole lot different. And even then, you wait 30 days and do not send it. Eventually you understand that you didn't need to send anything at all. You just needed to get things off your chest, because it doesn't matter to the person you send it to, you are doing it for yourself. 4
Ariess10 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 "Sometimes when the people you love , hurt you the most its better to say quiet because if your love wasn't enough, do you think your words will matter ?" 1
OldSoul86 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 I had just started seeing a therapist in the first month after my break up. Emotions are high and all of the place that early on. I told my therapist that I want to send her an email. I wrote it out, she read it, suggest a couple of minor changes and then said it would be ok to send. She never once tried to talk me out of it. I sent it at the one month point and it was the only thing I regret doing and that includes anything during the relationship and else after the break up. The one and only regret was sending that email because I was not sure where I was at the time and what I truly wanted. I sent it to try and help me get over her faster. It had the opposite effect. I should have written it down and saved it on my computer and looked at it again 30 days down the road. In hindsight, I never would have sent it. That is my advice. At the very least, sit on it for minimum 30 days and if you change it all, leave it another 30 days. I have a feeling that if you look at it again 30 days down the road, you will probably be happy you didn't send it or you may still have the feeling to send something, but it will be a whole lot different. And even then, you wait 30 days and do not send it. Eventually you understand that you didn't need to send anything at all. You just needed to get things off your chest, because it doesn't matter to the person you send it to, you are doing it for yourself. This is great advice that you should really heed OP. It is also important that within that thirty days you try your best to not ruminate in the breakup. If you try even a little bit everyday to move forward with your life, it is almost a certainty that sending that email will make you regress - hence, you'll not want to send it at all.
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