Ariess10 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 This is from the dr. Phil website .. I read them almost every day to remind myself In time, it is absolutely vital to put the pain behind you and move forward with your life and love. Otherwise, you are giving away your power to the people who hurt you. Sometimes the relationship you need to rescue is the one with yourself. Moving past a breakup is about you, not your ex. Don't start thinking about being friends right away — if ever. You have to be your own friend first. Grief is a process to go through, not a destination in which to wallow. In a process, you keep putting one foot in front of the other, and each little step is part of your healing. Define your real intentions. Are you trying to move past the breakup, or are you hoping to get back with your ex? You won't move on until you've accepted that the relationship is over. Be careful about the language you use. When you use catastrophic terms like "nightmare," "terrible," and "horrible," you're bound to spend time dwelling on the negative. Focus on what you can do. Sometimes you can't get over being hurt until you know you've been heard. Give yourself permission to express your anger and sadness. Don't embarrass yourself or put yourself in a situation where you'll look back and feel humiliated. Driving past your ex's house, making dozens of phone calls or e-mailing non-stop is no way to let go of the past or come out with your head high. Learn to trust again. Whenever you get involved in a relationship, you know there's a risk. Don't let a bad experience keep you from living your life to the fullest. You can go through life suspicious, or loving and laughing. 3
OldSoul86 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 I'm generally not a big fan of Dr. Phil, but the advice he gives on moving on is on point. His somewhat harsh demeanor actually helps people who stall in their healing to move forward. As he said, healing is a process that you move through - not get stuck on. Reading about the use of language was interesting, I am slightly guilty of using those kinds of words on occasion. My ex on the other hand, sent me emails using the types of words that he recommends not to use. I need to start using more positive language post breakup. Thanks for posting! 1
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