xxsilverdragonxx Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 I left LS a while back because I thought I had things under control in my life concerning my ex of 1.3 years. I did everything I thought I needed to do, as far as moving on, getting things back in order, and just living. Well, my ex emailed me about a month ago,(its been about 7 months since the breakup) and basically told me she was sorry for not talking to me much since because "its easier for me to deal with things that way", hoped I was doing well, email her sometime if i'd like, I got a PSP, etc. At first I did nothing to this email. I read it, stashed it, and forgot about it. But a few days later I ran into her, and it was like I was totally invisible. Of course she was with her new boyfriend, but she totally did not acknowledge me, even though she knew I was there. I wasn't wanting to see her, and it seemed like seeing me to her was like looking at a stranger. This action on her part prompted me to break my no contact and email her back. In my first email, I busted her big time. A few things I mentioned were: "the reason we haven't talked is because we don't want to talk; why is that a great mystery?", "I don't do this to check up on you", and I told her next time she should keep on moving, instead of pretending to acknowledge me, because that way she would be honest. Those weren't my exact words, but about the same. At the time I wrote this, I was angry at how she could write an email to me out of the blue that seemed "friendly", and then the next time she sees me not even hardly glance my way. I don't have to tell you I didn't get a response from the first email. I was pretty cold and mean to her, which at the time I felt pretty strong about. Yesterday I wrote to her again, for reasons I haven't figured out yet. What I emailed her is in the next post.
Author xxsilverdragonxx Posted May 3, 2005 Author Posted May 3, 2005 "I was honest in my last email, but I felt a few things were unsaid. You’ve tried to make things as impersonal between us as you can, and you’ve succeeded in condensing me to email. That’s fine, and probably how it should be. It’s been 7 months. In that time I know a lot has changed for both of us. In words I could never describe what you meant to me, but whatever was meant to be, is. Aside from that, I have no idea what else to say at this point in time." I can't figure out what made me write that. Maybe I still care for her, but the love is gone. Or maybe somewhere deep inside my inner-self I'm still hung up on this girl. I could theorize about the why's all day long, but what I do know is that I don't regret sending the 2nd email to her. Maybe I have stuff that just needs to get out of my system? Who knows? The thing that scares me is that all of a sudden, i mean, after 7 months, even when I'm in a new relationship, this stuff pops in my head, and I want to say stuff like I did in my email. From all of your standpoints, and from the limited info I have given, how do you think I am going about this? Am I coping or not coping? It's got to be one or the other.
ConfusedInOC Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 I think she's stringing you along. Keeping you close as long as she wants while she is dating someone else. If you believe in NC, then get rid of anything related to her, delete the emails and her phone number and do your best to try and forget about her. When you break NC like that, you let them know they still have you on a string.
Author xxsilverdragonxx Posted May 3, 2005 Author Posted May 3, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC I think she's stringing you along. I've already came to this conclusion. Its the only thing that made sense to me, and it seemed common here, especially for women who did the dumping to do this crap. Then again, i'm starting to think all women are crazy. ALL OF THEM.
ConfusedInOC Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 Originally posted by xxsilverdragonxx I've already came to this conclusion. Its the only thing that made sense to me, and it seemed common here, especially for women who did the dumping to do this crap. Then again, i'm starting to think all women are crazy. ALL OF THEM. Then implement NC and take the strings back....
Author xxsilverdragonxx Posted May 5, 2005 Author Posted May 5, 2005 I have not got a response from the second email yet. All I really want to do is bash her some more. I assume things have quietened down for her, and things are normal, but I have this feeling of deriving pleasure from making the broken pieces of our previous relationship like razor blades for her to be cut on. Basically I'm ready to go to war with her, in Scarface terms. Then again, the other more dominant, logical part of me says, just forget about it. I don't want to ruin the good memories I had while I was with her. In most sense of the word, I have moved on much smoother from this relationship than any of the others. Live and let Die, but she started this whole mess up by sending that innoculus email. I'm certainly not sending anything else to her, and I haven't lost my sense of direction, being moving away from her, but mostly its not her, just the memories. Maybe thats whats making me sad. One more thing, which I thought about yesterday, is that I would like to just talk to her. I know this is BAD, and nothing will come from talking to her, except more misery and a never ending cycle. But the idea stayed, and I didn't know how to act. Um, can you see that I must be still in some kind of conflict still? I'm sorry for the ranting. I'm just the type of guy who likes all my ducks to be in a row, to be on top of things, and to not have any unfinished business. Maybe my business with my ex is unfinished.
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